darkness

Poem written by nimsun on Sunday 9, May 2010

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Description
some old memories cause both pain and smile

Overall Rating: 90%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 90% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:90%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:90%
darkness around me,no light coldness around me,no warmth suddenly a forgotten fragment spread the light and warmth hope arises and candle flickers causing deep pain in my chest i pushed the thought far away friend with coldness and darkness and again i betrayed my comrades lit up the candle and hoped light and warmth around me my chest hurts,no turning back darkness at the bottom of light
   

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Comments

    #1

    Don RobleDon Roble

    I read this but I can't really rate it. I enjoyed it well enough.

    I think the constuction is wrong. Every line should start with a capital letter. I'm not sure how poems are punctuated but this one I know.
    Commented 10/05/2010 23:42
    #2

    nimsunnimsun

    yeah....it was just a process i wrote may be.....thnx for tellling me...
    Commented 11/05/2010 04:42
    #3

    kt6550kt6550

    Interesting. Don touched on the bug. A nice verbalization of an abstraction.
    Commented 12/05/2010 23:34