Snowhaven

Story written by Pritrostell on Wednesday 5, May 2010

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Description
My entry to the May Writing Contest

Overall Rating: 93.24%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 93.24% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.6%
Imagery:92.8%
Spelling & Grammar:92.8%
Flow/Rhythm:94%
Vocabulary:92%
I've been told there are punctuation errors, but I just can't see them... Maybe i'm blind iunno lol. Either way, enjoy Smile __________________________________________________________________________ Snowhaven The times were bad. The economy had reached an all-time low and the protective shield surrounding the city had cracked slightly, allowing small portions of radiation to leak in. It wasn't overwhelming by any means, but the crack could form into a large hole, leaving the citizens of Snowhaven unprotected against the harsh environment and the dangers that lay beyond the city's limits. Many of the citizens didn't know about the crack, and went on with their daily lives completely unaware of the potential dangers. Snowhaven was a bustling and busy city, and everyone was friendly; Everyone knew each other really considering the population was a meager 3000 residents. Boasting a great emergency response team, and 6 wonderful schools,Snowhaven was the perfect city. The only problem was that the shield around the city was created during the winter, sealing in low temperatures and a thick layer of snow; the citizens didn't mind though, they quite liked the snow. They didn't get many visitors because the city was located on the Fifth Shelf, way out of a normal persons reach. Then one day, the most unlikely and unwanted visitor came to Snowhaven. It was a regular Tuesday in Snowhaven, and the world outside of the shield was infested with harsh winds and boiling temperatures. People were doing their shopping, driving around to schools and works, and all of a sudden a loud boom echoed throughout the city. Several crashes were caused by the loud noise, and emergency crews became overwhelmed. Nobody knew where the noise came from. Another boom echoed, revealing the source of the deafening sounds. A large deformed giant was poking at the shields crack in an attempt to further increase it's size. The locals recognized the giant as Martha, the devil-monster of the barren wastelands. She was only seen four or five times a year, but she was never welcome. She had the strength, and the lack of remorse, to pick up and rattle the entire city to it's very core. If not for Martha, Snowhaven would never get the violent snowstorms that were surely imminent. Sure enough, the ground began to shake and the snow started to pick up and twirl around, whipping through the air at breakneck speeds. The citizens ran for shelter screaming for their lives, the deafening roar of the monsters unknown language ripping through the air. Suddenly, Martha did something she had never done before; She turned the city of Snowhaven upside down, violently throwing buildings, cars, and people into the shield. The buildings began to fall apart when she flipped the city upright again, resting it on the ground far from where it had started. The violent storm she had created made it impossible for emergency crews to respond, leaving the few thousand citizens to fend for themselves. The level of destruction was massive, and many people were dead, or severely injured. The few that could move freely were scouring nearby wrecks for survivors and shelter. As the storm began to settle, Snowhavens mayor issued a red alert. A red alert meant that all capable citizens were required to help any way they could, be it head to the hospital or aid emergency crews in the rescue attempts. As quickly as the attack had begun, the city had responded and within hours the chaos had been dulled into a small case of mass confusion. Hospitals were working in overdrive and all of the citizens of Snowhaven were left working well into the next day, As the days went buy, the city was slowly rebuilt in the same fashion they had always done it. They were used to Martha tormenting them from time to time, and had safety precautions set in place many years ago. Buildings were made deeper in the ground, usually having two floors underground and only one above. All buildings were equipped with harnesses on the outside to allow citizens to strap in keeping them safe from the inevitable earthquakes that Martha caused. This attack was something that they just weren't prepared for. It was clear that Martha had plans to destroy Snowhaven once and for all. The mayor, and all important citizens held several meetings to discuss an emergency evacuation plan, but nothing they came up with was safe enough to follow through with. They had plans of digging deeper living like mole people, and plans of shattering the shield and moving the entire city in a large convoy. All plans were shot down by the fact that Martha was close by. All they could do was wait it out and hope that Martha would find something else to entertain her. Then, about a week after the attack, their worst nightmares came true. Martha returned, her unspeakably demanding voice echoing through the hearts of Snowhaven once more. This time she had brought another giant with her. Though the intentions of the other giant were unclear, they seemed fairly obvious. Sure enough, a few booming taps on the shield's crack signaled the start of a second attack on Snowhaven. Martha and her friend were truly evil, demanding only entertainment from the perishing of our city. Martha proceeded to pick up Snowhaven and begin violently shaking the city to it's very roots. The snowstorm had begun again and the citizens scrambled to protect the injured and helpless. Then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, the sun disappeared. Like magic the city was shrouded in an infinite darkness, leaving Snowhaven helpless and lost. All hope was lost when a small voice rang out. It spoke the language of the giants but wasn't as evil or deep as the others had been. It seemed to be a sweeter, more uplifting tone that brought a small amount of hope to the city of Snowhaven. After listening to what seemed like an eternity of loud voices echoing back and forth at each other, the ground began to shake again. Snowhaven had been returned to it's light source, and was now looking at a giant, much smaller then the other two had been. It was being taken to another resting place. The city was laid to rest and the smaller giant watched over it as the storm settled. She was talking to the citizens who all listened intently despite the fact they couldn't understand her. The city of Snowhaven was safe once again, and the citizens all cheered for the deformed giant that had saved them. Going about their duties fixing the buildings and helping the injured, the citizens of Snowhaven had no idea they were entering a time of peace and prosperity; A time without Martha, the villain of the wastelands. As the giant made her leave, the citizens were left with the words of their savior. Although they didn't understand them, they remembered them and often used them at their church. "Hello there, my name is Mary. I saved you from the garbage. My mom found a crack in you and tried to throw you out but I decided to keep you because I like snow globes. I hope you like your new home on my windowsill, 'cause you're going to be there for a while." __________________________________________________________________________
   

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Comments

    Great story; greater ending.
    Lol, thanks again Pfft
    very good; I'll never look at a snow-globe the same again =-b
    Nice twist; Smile

    Very well done, Prito
    Really quite enjoyable. Very nice. A good twist,and a surprise ending.
    thanks alot guys... I must say my writing is getting better, this is my highest rated piece of work!!!

    I love writing Smile
    Clever twist and well written, Nice! Smile