Bridging Gaps Chapter 3: Thunder Storm

Story written by Darkfire on Tuesday 13, April %14

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Overall Rating: 88.84%

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The young boy sleeps in the back of the car as we have been diving for hours trying to find his father. It is now dusk and the rainclouds are forming again. Cutting on my headlights, I make a U-turn heading back to the boy's apartment. The wind blows fiercer and the sky grows darker with more clouds as time passes so I drive a little faster. A large bolt of lightning crawls through the dark clouds above me as I look up at it through the windshield. I quickly close the windows as the rain falls heavily on the vehicle. Slowing down, I cut on the wipers trying to see through the blinding rain. As I continue on, I suddenly slam the brake as a flipped over car abruptly appears in front of me. I look back at the boy to make sure he's okay and find him awake.1 "Are you ok," I ask, as he yawns while wiping his eyes.2 "Yea I'm ok, but where are we going," he replies.3 "I was getting ready to drive back to the apartment but it looks like this rain won't let us. We might just have to find a spot to park for the night," I say to the kid while he looks out the back window.4 "It sure does rain a lot in Hollow Bastion. The sky is a big baby," says the boy as I laugh, nodding my head in agreement saying, "Yea I guess it is."5 As I drive around the car, I turn on the high beams continuing on through the dark. The boy makes his way to the front of the car, sitting in the passenger's side. The sound of a woman's cry quickly alerts the kid and I as we slowly drive, looking around for movement.6 "Look Jake, over there," says the boy, pointing out his window. As I look to my left I see a woman having her clothes torn off by two men wanting to rape her on the side of the street. 7 "Hey Jake you have to help her," the boy exclaimed.8 "I know, stay here and don't get out for anything," I say, stopping the car and pulling the handbrake.9 I exit the vehicle, pulling out my gun and walking around the car, toward them. Stopping what they were doing, the men notice me standing in front of them in the rain. The light from the car made it hard for the men to see my face as I hold my gun to my side, making sure they can see it.10 "Ahh, it's one of them," screams one man as he runs down the street.11 Still silent, I turn my attention to the other man with an angry face, hoping he would do the same.12 "You idiot you're going to ruin everything, come on he's just a guy and those things don't fucking exist," the man screams at his fleeing friend.13 "Walk away," I say to the man, turning my body in a ready stance.14 "Fine," he says, throwing the half naked girl in my arms.15 As he walks away, he glances back, grinning at me suspiciously. Holding the half naked girl next to me, I suddenly realized how awkward this situation is.16 "Are you ok," I ask the girl, amazed at how beautiful she is. The girl slowly looks at me with an apologetic face and suddenly kisses me. The confusion of this moment is overwhelmed by passion as I pull her closer, unaffected by the rain falling upon us. Reluctantly pulling herself back, we lock eyes with hers being filled with tears.17 "I am so sorry," she says, taking out a stun gun. 18 As the electric volts run through my body I fall to the ground, temporarily paralyzed. The woman looks down at me sobbing as the previous man grabs her, pulling her away from me. 19 "Get the fuck in the car," he screams as the two enter my car. The falling rain makes it hard to see but, I can still here the boy screaming my name in the car. The sound of the tires skidding on the pavement as the car pulls off is all I can hear. Moments later, my limbs regain their feeling as I force myself up. With on hand on the side of a building to stabilize myself, I slowly make my way down the street. Thunder roars above me as a swelling anger consumes me. An hour later, I've fully recovered from the previous encounter; at least physically. Walking aimlessly like a drunken man in the middle of the street, I hear crying in the distance. "The kid," I say to myself as I see someone curled into the fetal position, sitting under a bus stop bench.20 I race toward him but the closer I get, the more evident it becomes that it's not the boy as I slow my pace. As I stopped, staring at him in the cold rain, part of me wants to just walk away. Before I could make another move the man lifts up his face and our eyes meet. Again blinding anger takes over me as I recognize the man as the cowardly kidnapper from earlier. Frightened, the man tries to run off as I race after him. Catching up to him, I grab the back of his shirt, pulling him back. Struggling to get away, the shirt rips and he falls on the ground. As he tries to get up I deliver a swift punch to his face, breaking his nose and sending him back to the ground.21 "Please no, don't take my soul," he begs, splashing water around as he tries to crawl away.22 Grabbing him from behind, I hold my gun to his head.23 "Please no, please no," 24 "Shut the hell up you crazy bastard and listen. Tell me where they took the boy and I might let you live," I command as the man sobs in my arms.25 "They made me do it. They said they were going to kill our mother if we didn't," he cries.26 "Look I don't give a damn about that you, liar. Tell me where they are or lose your life right here," I scream, tightening my lock on his throat.27 "34 kings street, inside the tall building" the man says as I drop him on the pavement, aiming the gun at his forehead.28 "Please don't," he pleads, covering his head while on his knees.29 A gentle hand grabs my shoulder; looking back I see the kind face of Michael, an old friend, staring at me. Michael was a man who has been in Hollow Bastion as long as I have. We have run into each other on many occasions, helping each other along the way but I still have no clue as to what he is doing in the city. Although we seems to know a lot of things, he is seemingly unaffected by the torment of the city.30 "Let me go Michael, this man deserves to die," I say with my fingers firm against the trigger.31 "What? Please don't shoot," the man screams.32 "Don't you think you're wasting time here? Shouldn't you be going after the boy," says Michael in a calm voice.33 Looking back at the pathetic man, I hesitantly put away my gun and race off down the street. Looking back I can see Michael trying to comfort the inconsolable man crying on the ground. 34 "I have to save the kid," I say, running through the entrance of the city park.35 While running, many thoughts are going through my head. The thing that bothers me the most however is that until now, I have never thought to ask the kid what his name was. I guess this is how a parent must feel when something happens to their child, I think to myself. Running through the dark wooded path it is eerily quiet; the only sound comes from the blowing wind and the rain hitting the ground. Making my way to the edge of the park I can see my green Oldsmobile across the street, parked outside the building with a huge 34 on it.36 "This is it," I say, scanning the area for any men possibly guarding the area.37 A large lightning bolt strikes across the sky, illuminating the clouds, followed by a ground rumbling thunder. The wind gets increasingly worse, blowing my trench coat so hard that I have to hold on to it as I cross the street. Immediately after crossing the street I run around the building and enter through an alleyway door leading to the stairs. The door was unlocked, saving me the trouble of shooting it open as I have so few bullets left. Jogging my way up the first flight of stairs I look up and spot a camera pointed right at me. Knowing that they now are aware of my presence, I pull out my gun running quickly up the flight of stairs. At each floor I crack the door, listening for the sound of people. As I open the fourth floor's door I see the girl who kissed me in the hallway crying. I cautiously walk toward the woman, thinking this could be another trick. As the woman spots me she falls to her knees in fear and regret.38 "Please, I'm sorry," says the girl as I point the gun at her with an emotionless look on my face. "They forced my brother and me to;"39 "Where is the boy," I say, interrupting her.40 "They're holding him to the basement until the boss comes. You can take the elevator down but, chances are they already know you're here," she says with her head down in shame.41 I walk into the elevator next to her, still aiming my gun, and press the button. As the elevator rises I can see her trying to steal glances at me, averting her eyes as she is unable to look me in the face. The door opens and I walk in. Before the door closes the girl slips her way through.42 "I'm sorry I got you into this mess and I'll do whatever I can to help," she says in an undertone.43 Paying no attention to her, I check my gun to see how many shots I have left. Six, that's all I have, I think to myself. The door opens and up ahead I see three men along with the kidnapper sitting next to the monitors in the command center, watching them and talking. Surprisingly they were unaware of my presence. Taking advantage to the situation, I shoot the three men from inside the elevator; one in the head, another in the chest, and the last through the throat. The girl screams behind me as the ringleader falls over in his seat, covered with the blood of his allies.44 "What the hell, how did you sneak past the monitors," he asks, as I put away my gun walking toward him.45 "You should pay more attention to your cameras, I walked right past one," I reply46 "Get away you monster," he screams as I pick him up and throw him against the wall. With one punch to the stomach he bends over in pain. Holding the back of his head, I smash my knee in his face, making him fall to the floor. I then Jump on top of the man, thrusting one fist after another into his bloody face. 47 "Please stop," the girl pleads.48 Turning around I see the kid lying on the ground with his eyes closed. I drop the beaten man on the floor I run to the kid, picking him up carefully. 49 "He's still breathing," I say, my eyes welling up with tears. As I make my way to the elevator I push the button and wait. The girl looks back at me strangely.50 "Why do you care about that child so much? I know you are not his father," she says as I walk into the opening elevator. I stand for a moment in the open elevator, looking at the boy with a soft smile on my face. Then I turn my attention back to the girl, finally having regained some of my sanity.51 "I know who this guy works for," I say, looking at the girl slightly sadden for her.52 "Your mother is already dead;these people don't follow through on their deals," I say firmly.53 "You can't;possible know that," says the girl with a shock and spaced out look on her face.54 I push the button on the elevator, watching her pick up one of the men's gun as the door closes. As the elevator rises I hear the faint sound of a gunshot. I make my way out the front door of the building while the men in the lobby just watch me in quiet awe. As I approach the car, opening the back door, I can hear the men screaming and arguing from inside the building. I lay the child in the back seat as he wakes up. Closing the door I look back at the entrance of the building seeing the men come outside, watching me as I slowly walk around the car and into the driver's seat. As I turn on the engine I look in the rearview mirror at the boy smiling at me. I stick out my tongue, making a silly face as he giggles.55 "I just noticed it stopped raining," I say as we drive down the road.56 "What happened, Jake," asks the boy.57 "You just had a bad dream," I reply, as the kid looks around confused.58 By the way, what's your name kid," I ask, trying to change the subject. 59 "Hm, oh my name is David,"60 "That's a good name," I say, with satisfaction. "You know David;I'm not really a cop,"61 The boy gets silent, looking at what he sees as his father's badge hanging around his neck. He takes off the golden piece attached to a chain, hanging it on the rearview mirror in front of me.62 "I think my father would want you to have this,"63 "Hey thanks kid, but I;" I stop in mid-sentence, looking at an empty seat behind me as I slam the brakes.64 Frantically I search the back seat until a reluctant acceptance comes over me.65 This time, the trip to the bridge;will seem longer than before. 66

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  • Very much improved. I thought you did well in the original but this is so much better. A word of caution: don't try to top yourself on every page or paragraph. Sometimes, the original was as good as you get and is what you wanted.

    What we say is supposed to be helpful but it's still your story to tell.
    - April 13 2010 16:10:28
    • Excellent; a very good chapter.
      - April 13 2010 18:55:46
      • Well done.

        I agree with Don, the original was very good also, but this is just as great.

        Keep up the wonderful writing. ^^
        - April 13 2010 22:26:55
        • Some grammar and punctuation needs cleaning.

          I think it is a good chapter. Nicely done. I think you could do better by breaking it up. You have three scenes: 1. The staged rape. 2. The pursuit. 3. The rescue of the boy.

          I would have broken this into two chapters and really worked imagery. All in all, however, nicely done.
          - April 14 2010 00:32:54
          • Really well done, this is coming along nicely.
            - April 14 2010 08:51:01