A day in space

Story written by Elkie123 on Friday 2, April 2010

Member Avatar
Description
My next writing

Overall Rating: 88.52%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 88.52% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:89.6%
Imagery:88.4%
Spelling & Grammar:89%
Flow/Rhythm:88%
Vocabulary:87.6%
Log Entry 502 My name is Captain Luna-Starworth of star fleet 208. I awoke with a start this morning. The entire ship was shaking but I was able to find the camera screens. Once I looked at them I knew that the Zargs (Zargonians) had entered our ship and stolen Earth's power source; the 7th star of Jupiter! At that moment I knew that I had to get it back. "Alright men, are we all ready for our mission to Zargonia?" Captain Luna asked. "Georneous, weaponry here!" shouted Georneous, "Javada, fighting here!" Javada yelled. "Sleen driver here!" coughed Sleen, smoking a cigarette. Swiftly they all moved towards the ship and started to travel towards Zargonia. An alarm beeped and a red light flashed. "We're being pulled into worm hole, what do we do?" cried Javada. Just sit back and let if take us, that's an order! commanded Captain Luna, disabling the controls. The ship drifted and was then sucked into the wormhole and came out in one of the strangest, but luckiest of places. "Whoa!" said Sleen still puffing at his cigarette. "It's ermm..... Zargonia!" After parking the ship they all split up and started searching for the star. Three hours passed. Nothing. Everyone met up again. "Found the star yet Georneous?" asked Captain Luna. "No sir, I mean ma'am", "you found it Javada?" mumbled Georneous. "I haven't and neither has Sleen, why don't we have a break?" answered Javada. They were about to set up when suddenly Georneous asked "What's that glow on the front of the ship?" He walked towards it and cried, "it's the star, come on!" Then Javada, Georneous, Sleen and Captain Luna sprinted towards the star. Guards surrounded the star armed with weapons of mass destruction. Georneous handed out weapons and shields to his team and the fight started. Most of the guards were knocked out by Javada's ray gun or photon blaster. Georneous grabbed the star, alerted the others and they all run towards the ship. They were an army, triumphantly coming from the battle towards their army cart. On the way back to earth nobody spoke much as they were sad that lots of earthlings were in pitch darkness. When they arrived home they sprinted towards the 'Power Tower' and inserted the star back into it's place. Immediately the power was back and they didn't have to face the darkness any more. I think the mission went well and my crew were truly brave. We got congratulated but we never forgot that we were the people that got the power back.
   

Post Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.

Comments

    You have a wonderful imagination, and you put your ideas across very energetically.

    Keep writing, and you can only get better and better; some of the other writers in here (me..) had better watch out!!
    Elkie, are you realy only 10?
    That was absolutely fantastic & I agree totaly with Vermithrax, we had all better watch out.
    I'm in a bit of a muddle on how to rate this, because this compares with a lot of writings (mine included) already on the den.
    I will rate it, taking your age into account I think.
    Keep up the good work. This was realy very, very good.
    the 7th star of Jupiter! - Perhaps 'Seventh moon of Jupiter' would work better. Grin

    I had to leave a comment. I have more comments than anyone else! I have to keep in first place!
    Ten? I hadn't learned to think at ten.
    Glad you don't think you're funny.