He Ascends

Song written by Darkfire on Tuesday 23, March %16

Member Avatar
Got this idea from hearing: Andrea Bocelli- Con te Partiro

Overall Rating: 80%

This writing has been rated by 7 members, resulting in a rating of 80% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:81%
*This is somthing i have NEVER done b4 but i just had the inspiration. Not meant to be offending to anyone, so if you're easily offended, just don't read i guess. Anywho, hope you like.lol Leaving, the grace of his father, becoming a man. He gave us a hope for the future, though born from the sand. Wonders, performed through his father proved him, the light. A gift to mankind from his maker a torch in the night. Tempted, by a great evil, testing his stand. His reason, his faith, never waived, feet firm to the land. Stones were, tossed all upon him, breaking his heart. These creatures, forgive them, my father he said, from the start. Hung to, die as man's traitor his followers cried. The earth shook, the sky mourned, like people God tearfully replied. Softly, he enters heaven pure like a dove. So gentle, so clean, in the light, shining above. Sitting, up on his new throne, we wait his return. The trumpets will sound off as angels, bring peace that we've earned.

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.

Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?


Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • Very very good.

    I can see this as a modern hymn.
    - March 23 2010 18:25:31
    • Outstanding.
      - March 23 2010 19:33:07
      • Wonderful... it even gave me goose bumps!
        - March 23 2010 21:07:08
        • It touched me in a very nice way. Thank you.
          - March 24 2010 05:09:32
          • Very nicely written.
            - March 26 2010 02:33:51
            • Fantastic, I'm touched!
              - April 08 2010 15:55:21
              • I also read this as a modern hymn. Absolutely beautiful...breathtaking. I LOVE it.
                - May 07 2010 02:32:41
                • I also read this as a modern hymn. Absolutely beautiful...breathtaking. I LOVE it.
                  - May 07 2010 02:32:57