The End The Beginning

Fantasy written by ladylunaivy on Friday 12, March 2010

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Description
At the advice of many of the talented minds within the Den I decided to post my ... rant/story/blurb ... in the writing section after making a few minor little tweaks here and there. <(^^)v

Overall Rating: 89%

This writing has been rated by 5 members, resulting in a rating of 89% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90.4%
Imagery:88.2%
Spelling & Grammar:87.2%
Flow/Rhythm:90.8%
Vocabulary:88.4%
Kimiko, that is my name or at least what I go by and this is my story. I wish I could start it off like all the other stories that were ever written about such situations, about our post apocalyptic world. I wish I could say we know what happened. That it was our greed for power that destroyed us or that we destroyed the world with our bombs. I cannot though. I remember that day, the dawning as it has become known as. I woke in my home that morning but in a different manner than my normal routine. A sound woke me, distant and soft yet the pitch pierced my mind jerking my from my sleep. I am not sure if it was the sound but I found I could hardly breath, not from the lack of air or from any physical reason but from something deep inside of me as if it was a pain, a sorrow within my very soul and spirit. I consider myself a rather strong person. I hardly ever feel the need to cry, but as I crawled on my hands and knees out of my bed I could not help but to break down into a full bawling cry. And that is how the world as we know it ended. It was estimated that around 93 percent of the human population died in that instance. There was no reason physically for them to die, they just dropped dead. Besides the loss of human life, everything electrical just stopped working. Again there was no reason that our little human inventions should not work, they just refused to do so. I met a man once, some sort of repairman or mechanic or something, I don't really remember now, but he was driven almost to the point of insanity because of this. He would rant on and on about how they should work, they being a radio and some mechanical child's toy that he had been working on. This is the world we were left in. The human race had almost been erased with just a distant sound and we had no knowledge of what had happened or what was still to happen. This was our end and our beginning.
   

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Comments

    Bleak, and well worded.
    Nicely done. There are a few small errors which can be quickly fixed if you take the time to read it out loud.

    Also, you could build on this. This could be the start of a larger story.

    I say that a lot, don't I?

    Grin
    >.> I don't read out loud. My family thinks I am really the odd ball as it is. lol.

    And you do say that a lot kt, but it is a valid point of view. You go boy! ... whoa sorry for that slangy ... whatever ... but it was needed. lol Wink

    Thanks for the input guys. it is always greatly appreciated. ^^
    I completely agree with the Vermithrax and kt.
    You've set a brilliant scene and you must continue this.
    You could have a lot of fun with the mechanical break down side of things, I think.
    Nice job!
    If you do not continue this. I will PM you about it until you do. XD -teasing threat-
    lol. ... hmm maybe i should thing about continuing this ^^ now where to take this. *plops down with pen and paper*
    great!
    The way the end happened is strange but unique. I'm great one for the apocalypse story.

    I'd mention of the electric throughout the story without ever explaining it.