A look at how "toilet dialogue" has infiltrated everyday language and the confusion it causes (at least in my own skewed head).
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I don't know about you, but the term "taking a shit" has always sounded somewhat erroneous. I mean, where do you take it? I would have thought that shit -by the very nature of its anti-social herritage- would prohibit itself from accompanied travel?
Would it be aggressive? Would it snap at you? Would it "gum" your hand should you attempt to secure a leash around its slimy, sausage-like length?
On the other hand, might it be friendly? Perhaps hopelessly so?
Maybe after millions of years of being shunned, buried and flushed our shites might be so desperate for exceptance that they leap into our arms and lick our faces with an exuberance akin to that of a thousand besotted puppies?
Of course, the latter theory would lend credence to the taking a shit hypothesis, therefore I reject it.
Has anyone -other than the bloke incharge of the toilet tent at the London Marathon- actually taken a shit anywhere?
If so, then who, when and...........why?
Why is it that "taking a shit" is such a common term that no-one seems to actually do, yet "giving a shit" is something everone says they don't give but in reality must in order to survive?
Shitting, as I learned in school, is a fundamental human function. Without it we would die. Yet, perhaps in a neighbouring plane of existence, there really might be people who don't give a shit.
If we accept, for the moment, the existence of other realities as a hypothetical truth, then I am convinced that these individuals must work for the government. Because after a lifetime of not giving a shit, they would most certainly be full of shit.
But back to my herring.........
On a personal note, the term "taking a shit" has always conjured images of a masked individual dressed in black and white hoops with an obligatory "bag of swag" slung over one shoulder.
He would creep -both to and from the targeted receptacle- on tiptoes in a parody of Scooby-doo and Shaggy.
The "swag" in this case would, of course, be turds of indiscriminate shape, colour and size, contained in plastic Tupperware boxes of equally generic dimensions.
From facilities both public and private, rich and poor, the turds would be purloined with great stealth and professionalism.
Perhaps our "turd burglar" might specialize in celebrity shites and earn fortunes on E-bay. After some of the crap I've seen being flogged on that site I can only imagine how much a "nobly-log" of genuine Brad Pitt excreta would fetch.....................