DescriptionA look at how "toilet dialogue" has infiltrated everyday language and the confusion it causes (at least in my own skewed head).
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While relaxing the other night with a cup of tea, a finger or two of shortbread and a copy of the Daily Sport,* I began to ponder. Traditionaly, for those forced to endure my ponderings it is, at best, a short burst of nonsensical rambling for which the therapist is well paid. At worst it is a never-ending and banal account of every scrap of useless, utter bollocks that has ever afflicted man kind, the effects of which no remuneration could ever assuage. This is due largely to the fact that my head -as you will come to appreciate should you somehow stay the course- is an ostentatiously polluted pond. Swimming through its toxic waters are many "herrings", which in my debased and long-suffered condition, I have come to regard as thoughts. Many of my "pondherrings" are dead, some mutated, others utterly pointless. Some of them, would you believe, are even red. And those, tolerant reader, are the bitches of the bunch. The shade of arterial blood, these red herrings have fooled me into believing and trusting in all manner of things accross the years. Things of such a belief-stretching magnitude as politicians, council tax and Simon Cowell's assurances of a bright future. Once in a while though, I fish out one or two that are worthy of disclosure...........so here we are. *For the benefit of the "un-British", The Daily Sport is a newspaper of great integrity and social standing in The United Kingdom. It champions not just thought-provoking, cutting-edge journalism and, of course, sport, but also endeavours to provide solace for the lost and the lonely, the hopeless and the forgotten. For a very reasonable fee, men and women (or anything with an address, phone number and a pulse) can experience social intercourse all over the country. All the men and women are stunning, as the accompanying photographs testify, ensuring that said intercourse will be stimulating, fulfilling and long lasting.............. The publication also addresses many taboos such as nudity, profanity, infidelity and domestic violence. Experiences of which are all donated freely, and in explicit detail, by the players of Chelsea Football Club.