LotSF: Chapter V

Fantasy written by Pritrostell on Sunday 28, February 2010

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Description
Chapter V: A Legend Found

Overall Rating: 87%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 87% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:89.666666666667%
Imagery:89%
Spelling & Grammar:82%
Flow/Rhythm:87.666666666667%
Vocabulary:86.666666666667%
Words From the Author
I must first apologize for my absence on the den. I recently formatted my computer and have been very busy. I apologize to everyone for not being able to read and comment on their writings and can gladly say that i'm back. Second, this piece will be ridden with mistakes because I have yet to get my fathers copy of Microsoft Word. I will do my best to spell check using the den's built in spell checker but there are no garuntees. So, as always, Please enjoy the next chapter of LotSF Smile P.S. I have included a hyper link inside the story. This is a link to a short, 45 second music clip. I felt that I couldn't just explain the song played in the story, so I composed it really quickly using a music program I have. Feel free to skip over it if you wish, it is there for those who want to hear the song the way I do. ________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 5: A Legend Found
It was mid-day, the sun was high, and all sorts of critters were running around the wooded path. We had been walking for almost four days now, and would be reaching Koran soon. The three of us were getting tired, but the excitement of reaching a new city was more than enough to keep us going. "There it is!" Tranea started running into the distance. I looked up and saw a massive arched stoneway with elegantly carved wooden doors to match. The doors were open, showing the wonders of Koran to anyone who may walk past. Tall buildings of stone and mortar were specifically placed around eachother to make the perfect city map. Lyn and I had caught up to Tran, who was standing at the entrance staring into the great city. A guard walked over to us and handed us a map of the city. He then greeted us, and waved us through into the city. I opened the map and found our location. We had just entered the south entrance of Koran, and there were three others, each located at it's own compass point. The city itself was a giant circular map, with draduated rings all around; sort of like a tree stump. There were four districts in the city, divided by the compass points. The north-west was the merchant district, the south-west was the housing district, the south-east was the entertainment district, and the north-east was the royal district. The map had a little note at the bottom stating that no visitors were allowed into the royal district without reason and escort. "I guess we should head into the entertainment district eh guys? Might as well take a break from all the walking and take in the sights." Stupid me. We had to walk to see the sights, but i guess the walking didn't seem so tiring anymore. "Sounds like fun. Lets go!" Both Tran and Lyn said this at the exact same time. It bothered me a little, but I don't know why. We held eachothers hands so we didn't loose eachother and went east towards the entertainment district.
***
The sights in Koran were incredible, and made Luthanon look like the vegetables no kid wants to eat. These weren't mere straw carts, these were stone and mortar buildings just like the rest of the city. Every building had windows and signs, and people were bustling about carrying everything from entrance tickets to photos and drinks. We peeked into one of the buildings and saw a glass counter filled with an assortment of food and drink. Above the counter was a sign that read "The Legend of the Silver Flame: A Documentary". Amazing! A movie theatre. A sudden roar caught our attention, and as we turned we saw a dragon fly out from behind one of the buildings, and it had people in it's mouth. All three of us drew our weapons, ready to defend ourselves, and the dragon turned and curved down back behind the building. We ran towards it, only to discover it was a ride. We quickly sheathed our weapons, well I lowered mine, then we continued walking through the great city of Koran. We walked for a little over ten minutes before the dreadful feeling of noodle legs stuck us again. We sat down on a bench and took a break, drinking some foreign soda I had bought us as a treat. "I think we should head over to the housing district and find a room for the night." It seemed like a good idea. We were all tired, and wanted some rest. "I agree, besides, Tranea looks like she's going to fall asleep any minute." We both looked at Tran, who was sitting between us. "I am not tired!" She said as she slurped down the rest of her drink. We gatherd ourselves and made the long journey to the housing district. Halfway there, Tranea collapsed of exhaustion and I was stuck carrying her the rest of the way.
***
We reached the housing district and found a hotel with a top floor room that was available for cheap, since the previous guest had cancelled only 20 minutes before. We went up to our room and I laid Tranea down on one of the beds. I grabbed my flute and went out onto the balcony, while Lyn changed Tran and herself into their nightgowns. The view from our balcony was astonishingly beautiful. The lights from the buildings had all gone off, and the stars were left to brighten up the now dark city of Koran. I leaned against the railing and stared intently at a specific cluster of stars. They were shaped like a big, burly Krokan, which is a kind of frog. Frogs were worshipped back in the olden days, way before I, or even my father was born. Nowadays people didn't care. No one talked like they used to, and stories of old were pushed aside for newer tales of fear and triumph. Lyn had walked out beside my and leaned against the railing. "What are you thinking about in that small head of yours?" "Just thinking about the way the world used to be... Hey, wait a minute. My small head?" I turned and looked at her with a face of sarcastic anger, and her giggling started to make me laugh as well. "You see that cluster of stars there? That's Krokan, the god of fear. He used to be worshiped, and people used to tell grand stories about him. Nowadays nobody cares." I grasped my flute in both hands, and a silence fell over the balcony. Lyn walked over to me and put her arm around my body. "There's a very powerful song that used to be played by warriors and peasants alike. It symbolized faith and trust. Not many people know it anymore." I waited a few moments, standing silently in Lynnies arms. After a few moments, I brought my flute to my lips and began to play the song. It wasn't very long, only 30 or 40 seconds, but it was the most important song in the world to me. It seemed to take an hour to play it. http://www.jukeboxalive.com/player/pl...ethod=play "That was beautiful. It made me feel... wonderful. It was as if an energy had filled my body." Lyn was smiling again, and i stood up and moved towards her. We embraced each other, and I felt an odd energy flow between us. It was something I'd never felt before. We stood there for a good five minutes, just holding eachother in silence. This moment was perfect. Nothing could ruin it. We walked into the room and laid each other onto the bed, which was seperated from Traneas by a curtain. Staring into eachothers eyes was all we could do. I slowly carressed her arms and legs, and calmed her goose bumps. We kissed eachother passionately and played with eachothers hair. She took off my shirt, and I slowly raised her nightgown to reveal nothing but soft, smooth skin. She raised her arms and i completely removed her gown, revealing the most perfect breasts i'd ever seen. We lay with each other a while longer, simply touching eachothers skin and whispering to one another. Then I finished undressing and completed the perfect night of my life, and hopefully of hers as well.
***
A loud explosion woke me up. I quickly got up and threw on my clothes without disturbing Lynnie. I ran to the balcony and looked out across Koran. A swarm of purple and black demons were flying around the royal district, and i'm sure there were more on the ground. Another explosion woke Tranea and Lynnie, who both came running to the balcony as well. "What was that?" Tranea was rubbing her eyes. She looked over at Lynnie and gasped. "Why... are you... naked?" Lynnie looked down and screamed, running back to her curtained bed chamber. I laughed inside but didn't turn to look. Tran hopped onto my back and looked over at the havoc unfolding infront of us. "We have to go help!" Lynnie had changed and gathered both our belongings. Tran jumped down and grabbed her blades. "Lets go guys." I grabbed my stave and we took off towards the royal district.
***
As we reached the gates of the district, the explosions had calmed down but were still there. The guards were pre-occupied and no one was stopping us from entering. The three of us ran in and headed towards what looked like a castle. As we reached the steps of the castle, a blinding light was formed right underneath my feet and i could barely see guards and demons shielding their eyes. "Trist! Run Trist, run!" The light ceased, and all that was left was destruction. The demons had either left or been killed, and the guards that were hiding their eyes from the light were now laying on the ground dazed. Lynnie and Tranea ran over to me. "Are you ok? What was that?" Lynnie was more worried that Tran, but it was Tran who had asked the questions. "I... I don't know." I was just as confused as everyone else. I felt no pain, and I wasn't the one who created the light. Maybe it only affected demons. The guards raised from the ground, and walked over to us. "I don't know what you did, or if you even did it, but the demons are gone and Koran thanks you." He showed us to the exit of the royal district and then placed guards at the post, running towards the castle. We headed bak towards the centre of the city and heard a bunch of rumors on the way. Everyone was talking about the attack, and how the Silver Flame had come to save them. The Silver Flame? Maybe he created the light that destroyed the demons. Bad timing on my part I guess, you know, wrong place wrong time. Either way it was evident that people didn't know how to whisper these days. We reached the center of Koran and i turned to look at Lynnie. "So, we came here to find your father. Do you know where he lives?" She shook her head back and forth with a displeased look on her face. "No matter. We'll ask around. There's nothing you can't find out at a local pub right." I opened the map of the city and located the nearest pub. "Lets go, but remember; keep yourselves on guard. We don't know if those demons will come back."
   

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Comments

    Welcome back, and yes; you need to run a spell checker.

    It's getting interesting Smile
    i'm so excited about this story, but I wanna hurry up and finish it, and head to the sequel i already have planned out...

    Maybe i'm way ahead of myself, who knows Pfft

    Other then that, did you enjoy, or even listen to the song? if not no problem i was just curious if it added to the story or not.

    and as far as spell checker, i'll be getting microsoft word soon hopefully, for now it's wordpad for me Pfft talk about ghetto lol
    Have you considered openoffice?

    It;s as good as anything Miicrosoft can offer, and it's free.

    http://www.openoffice.org/
    one suggestion: start using pagebreak. I haven't read the other chapters but this is enjoyable....
    waiting for more
    Yes, the page break is a good idea.

    You have improved immensely from your first posting. There is still some cleanup needed, but this is very, very good.

    Also, I loved the hook to the flute passage. Well done. A very beautiful and haunting melody.