LotSF: Chapter IV

Fantasy written by Pritrostell on Sunday 21, February 2010

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Description
Chapter IV: Barren Wilderness

Overall Rating: 88.6%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 88.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:89.5%
Imagery:90.5%
Spelling & Grammar:85.5%
Flow/Rhythm:88%
Vocabulary:89.5%
Notes from the Author
This is a short chapter, consisting of only a few Word Document pages. It mostly a filler chapter leading into the next, but has a small amount of character development in it as well. I hope you enjoy Chapter 4! Smile ________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 4
Barren Wilderness
"I'm tired, can we rest please?" Both Lyn and I looked back at Tranea with weary faces. We had been travelling less then a day, yet we'd stopped almost 10 times. I suppose I had to cut her some slack since she was a lot smaller than us and had shorter legs. "Alright, we'll take a break. I could use some practice time anyways." I reached into my bad and pulled out the two daggers, then un-hooked the bow from my shoulder. "Alrighty then, this would be yours Lynnie." I grabbed the bow and stretched my arm out towards her. "What makes you think I want that hmm? I want those daggers of yours." She ran at me and tried to take them from me. "WATCH IT! Those are dangerous you know! Besides, you can't use daggers. You've got to stay away from the danger, so the bow is better suited to you." I put the bow and stave down beside the log Tran was sitting on, and reached into my bag to grab some water. It was hot, but there was a cool breeze now and then that swept over the grassy fields. Putting my water back, I went to grab the daggers only to find they were missing. I looked up and Tran was gone as well. "That's twice I've snuck up on you and done something without you knowing. I should have no problem sneaking up on something with these and getting them from behind." I turned around and Lyn was standing beside Tran with a dagger in each hand, twirling them around like a pro. I covered my face with my hands, dragging them down and groaning. Tranea ran up to me, grabbed her Crescent blades, and ran back to Lyn. "I'm going to teach Lyn how to use her daggers, ok Trist?" I picked up the stave I had rest on the ground, and went behind a large boulder. Looks like I was training alone today.
***
Three hours had past since we stopped to rest, and I was sweating buckets. I had completely mastered one routine, and was just working on my basic moves. Grabbing the stave with both hands, I started twirling it above my head. With a swift, thorough movement I brought the stave down in front of me, still spinning, and started twisting it around my lower torso. After a couple of rotations, I grabbed one end of the rotating death machine and swung it out towards my target with my full strength. Following through with a powerful lunge and a heavy slam down onto what would be a devastated target, I decided to call it quits. I wiped my brow and walked over to the log, where I sat drinking my water and watching Lynnie and Tranea practice with their weapons. Tran was spinning in circles, holding her blades close to her body, and Lyn was creeping in circles around her, daggers held like an assassin. I closed my eyes and started to drift off, hoping to catch a bit of sleep before they finished. Clang! I opened my eyes and bolted straight up to find Lyn attacking Tran, who was still spinning. Tran came out of her spin; both blades lunged out at Lynnie, tassels trailing behind. Lynnie jumped back, narrowly avoiding the blades, and leapt towards Tranea, daggers pointed directly at her. Without warning, Tran kicked Lynnie in the stomach, stopping her dead in the air. I grabbed my stave and charged towards them, watching Lynnie fall to the ground, gasping for air. I swung my stave at Tranea, hitting her in the side of the head and knocking her down. "Ouch, that hurt, what did you do that for?" Despite me keeping up with my training for three hours, the minute and a half had completely drained me. A loud crack echoed through the fields, and a familiar pain shot through me. I hated that damned book. "We were training you idiot! Why'd you go and hit her so hard in the side of the head? She wasn't even looking!" "Yea, I wasn't ready! You're just a big meany." Tran got up, rubbing the side of her head, and went to get some water from her bag. "I know you're trying to protect me," Lyn had leaned in towards me and was whispering so Tranea didn't hear; "But you don't have to. I'm a big girl and I can handle myself. I'll prove it to you." She moved away and cracked me over the head with her book again. Laughing, she ran over to Tran and hid behind her. I chased after her and tackled her to the ground, tickling her and forcing her into submission. "See, I knew you'd need my help sooner or later." I helped her up and went to gather our things. "We should get going though; we've still got a good couple of hours before it gets to dark to walk." We started heading down the trail, making sure we had everything. "O crap, I've forgotten something Lyn!" She stopped and looked at me. "What did you forget now?" I pulled her towards me, grabber her in my arms, and kissed her for a good minute or so. "I forgot that." "EWWW! You guys are gross!" I smiled at her for a few more moments, staring into the loving auburn eyes that shone back at me, and then broke out laughing. I went towards Tran and Lyn stayed still a moment longer, blushing and biting her bottom lip.
   

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Comments

    My turn Smile

    I see I'm starting to get some competition here, but that's all good for the Den.

    1/ I reached into my bad and pulled out the two daggers,
    Bag?
    2/ I picked up the stave I had rest on the ground, and went behind a large boulder
    Rested?

    there's a couple of commas missing here and there, but now't too serious.

    Well done.
    LOL my bad... i knew i shoulda re-checked this one Pfft

    As for rest vs rested, i'm fairly sure what i have is correct.

    I had rest vs i rested

    I think both work, just a preference Pfft
    Rest is in the present tense, rested is past tense, so, had is past also.

    is resting

    to rest, I rest

    had rested.

    I'm enjoying this game. Smile
    lol, but if i put had (past tense) infront of rest (present tense) could that not make had rest all past tense?

    This is quite amusing lol
    This is progressing nicely. Please keep along with this.