The Antisocial

Sci-Fi Story written by kt6550 on Saturday 20, February 2010

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Description
It's long. Really long.

Overall Rating: 92.7%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 92.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.5%
Imagery:93.5%
Spelling & Grammar:89.5%
Flow/Rhythm:92.5%
Vocabulary:93.5%
Closing Three months after his arrival in Baton Rouge, Governor General Albright Soames announced his resignation and retirement. The reason given was the ill health of his wife, and the Governor felt obligated to devote full time to her care. Two weeks after the incident in the warehouse, Commander Second Captain Beyer Garret was place in charge of military security around Baligichan and the Saurian compound. Beyer quickly got the existing platoon into top shape. In short order, a battalion was rushed into the area. The rail line was to be double-tracked. At the request of the Supreme Council, Governor James Xitai would be asked to take the post of temporary governor of the Siberia province. Xitai accepted. The post would become permanent. Immediately after his appointment, Beyer Garret would issue a battlefield promotion to Sergeant Carter Henderson. He would get the rank of Lieutenant Junior. Beyer needed someone he could trust as his right hand, and Henderson was the man. Two months after the warehouse affair, thirty of the highest-ranking members of the Supreme Council entered the colony of the Antisocial. There they met with The Teacher and Billy Hedrikson. The spent the night, and the next day met with four Saurian ambassadors. The Heitzman Field Generators were turned off at all of the colonies. The Antisocial were officially given permission to come and go as they pleased. They had been doing that for quite some time, anyway. The laws concerning control were repealed. Educators were appointed to improve the testing to make detection of anyone with psionic ability quicker and easier. They would be needed for the upcoming interactions with the Saurians. They would also be integrated into society. But, then again, they had been doing that for quite some time as well. After one year, there was a reunion of sorts at the inn at Baligichan. The innkeeper served a meal of local foods. Present at the dinner were Billy Hedrikson, Maari Hitomi, Beyer Garret, Carter Henderson, Laura Frasier, James Filetti, and James Xitai. The conversation was pleasant and sociable. "I needed a good officer by my side quickly, Henderson," said Beyer, after a sip of wine. You really should be a Fourth Captain. I will push that promotion through after you finish Officer Candidate School. I think we can free you up for your schooling after about six months." "Thank you, Commander," responded Henderson. "I also have an announcement, everyone," said a smiling Chancellor Frasier. She reached into her case and withdrew a small, velvet box that she presented to Beyer. "What's this?" asked Beyer. "Open it and see." Beyer Garret slowly opened the box. Inside of the box was the insignia of a First Captain. Beyer looked up and smiled. "You deserve it, Commander," said Chancellor Frasier. "The Supreme Command recommended the promotion. It is overdue, as far as I am concerned." "Thank you," said a smiling Beyer. "Well, ummmmmm," said a blushing and obviously embarrassed James Xitai, fidgeting with his collar while Maari Hitomi simply smiled, "I, errrrrr, think I have an announcement." "Well, let's hear it," said Filetti. "Well, errrrr, as you all know," he began, still embarrassed and fidgeting, "Maari and I have been working pretty closely together for a while. And, um, I think it would be a good idea if we were married. I kinda think it would work well. So I asked her." Maari giggled at James's discomfort before replying. "And I said yes," she said, and then kissed him. There was a toast all around.
   

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Comments

    I like happy endings. So sue me. Grin
    GOT YOU lol

    Page 5, line 2: ...global warning catastrophe...

    Page 5, Para 4: But he was patient, young, at thirty-nine, for a Second Captain, and he had time.

    Consider revising. Make 2 sentences

    Page 5, Para 17: "Please(,) call me Maari,"

    Page 6, Para 6: but no attempt at contact with the humans was attempted.

    Try not to use "attempt" twice like that. EX; But no attempt at contact with the humans was made.

    Page 10, 3rd para from bottom: "...establishes based on our planet undetected."

    Pretty obvious fix Pfft

    Page 11, Para 10: "This is based on the birth rate of the Unsociables."

    Unsociables should be Antisocials methinks

    Page 13, Last Para: It is now time for you (to) finish your training

    I know that seems like alot I've found, but for what you've written, it's hardly any at all... now onto my response Pfft

    simply... fucking... amazing!!!!!

    My only real problem is it ended so quickly! I know people sometimes complain that the ending gets dragged on so it's probably for the better (eg. Lord of the Rings Pfft)

    other then that, it was an astounding piece of work! Best i've read by you since i've joined.

    I definitely recommend this read to anyone with a good hour or two to spare.

    And your use of foresight was impeccable. Amazing job Smile
    Phew! took me a while, but I finally got it done.

    A great tale, with engaging and believable characters. nicely plotted and executed.

    A few minor glitches but nothing worth mentioning.

    A great, great tale, thank you.