The Antisocial

Sci-Fi Story written by kt6550 on Saturday 20, February 2010

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It's long. Really long.

Overall Rating: 92.7%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 92.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:89.5%
The Inquiry Room Beyer was taken out of the van and escorted into the building that served as a courthouse. There were four courtrooms in the building, and Beyer was taken to the smallest. A check for weapons took place; Beyer thought that was a bit silly. Where would he get a weapon? He was led into the courtroom. The courtroom was plain but comfortable, finished in woods and veneers native to the area. The room was hot and steamy, with a normal-height ceiling. There were ceiling fans slowly spinning that, combined with the open windows, kept the thick and humid air circulating. Beyer Garret was escorted to a small table with a pitcher of water and a glass. Also on the table was a notepad and pen. The four guards and Sergeant Henderson arranged themselves behind him. On his left, at an identical table, sat a Fourth Captain. This officer would be Beyer's adversary. He would attempt to paint Garret in the worst possible light. A long table with four chairs was at the front of the room. There were four pitchers of water with glasses. This is where the Commission of Inquiry would sit and determine if he should be charged and endure a formal trial. In front of the table sat two recorders with their terminals. These two would record each and every word of the inquiry. Two women, their faces expressionless, sat at the terminals. Beyer Garret read the names on the plaques on the long table. Chancellor Laura Frasier. Governors General Franklin Filetti and Samuel Markes. Governor James Xitai. No one was below regional leadership in his or her ranks. "Well," thought Garret to himself, with a small smile, "I must have really ruffled some feathers. I didn't murder anyone, but I did something to have a commission of this stature sitting." Beyer Garret poured some water into his glass and took a sip. "All rise!" commanded the sergeant, in a loud voice. Everyone stood, and the Commission entered and took his or her seats. Then the participants sat. Second Captain Beyer Garret awaited the start of the proceedings.

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    I like happy endings. So sue me. Grin
    GOT YOU lol

    Page 5, line 2: warning catastrophe...

    Page 5, Para 4: But he was patient, young, at thirty-nine, for a Second Captain, and he had time.

    Consider revising. Make 2 sentences

    Page 5, Para 17: "Please(,) call me Maari,"

    Page 6, Para 6: but no attempt at contact with the humans was attempted.

    Try not to use "attempt" twice like that. EX; But no attempt at contact with the humans was made.

    Page 10, 3rd para from bottom: "...establishes based on our planet undetected."

    Pretty obvious fix Pfft

    Page 11, Para 10: "This is based on the birth rate of the Unsociables."

    Unsociables should be Antisocials methinks

    Page 13, Last Para: It is now time for you (to) finish your training

    I know that seems like alot I've found, but for what you've written, it's hardly any at all... now onto my response Pfft

    simply... fucking... amazing!!!!!

    My only real problem is it ended so quickly! I know people sometimes complain that the ending gets dragged on so it's probably for the better (eg. Lord of the Rings Pfft)

    other then that, it was an astounding piece of work! Best i've read by you since i've joined.

    I definitely recommend this read to anyone with a good hour or two to spare.

    And your use of foresight was impeccable. Amazing job Smile
    Phew! took me a while, but I finally got it done.

    A great tale, with engaging and believable characters. nicely plotted and executed.

    A few minor glitches but nothing worth mentioning.

    A great, great tale, thank you.