The Antisocial

Sci-Fi Story written by kt6550 on Saturday 20, February 2010

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Description
It's long. Really long.

Overall Rating: 92.7%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 92.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:94.5%
Imagery:93.5%
Spelling & Grammar:89.5%
Flow/Rhythm:92.5%
Vocabulary:93.5%
A Note on Ranks Officer Ranks from Lowest to Highest Lieutenant Junior Second Lieutenant First Lieutenant Fourth Captain Third Captain Second Captain First Captain General Commander is a title given to any officer who has had a combat command. He wears a gold sunburst on his or her left breast pocket. If a Commander has been wounded in combat, the sunburst is backed by yellow. If he has been wounded twice, it is backed by crimson. Political Ranks from Lowest to Highest Governor Governor General Chancellor The Supreme Council rules the Human Confederation, the general government of Earth. The Supreme Council is composed of Governors, Governors General, and Chancellors. There are various committees and subcommittees within the council, which are chaired by ranks Governor and above and consist primarily of elected representatives from the various districts and municipalities.
   

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Comments

    I like happy endings. So sue me. Grin
    GOT YOU lol

    Page 5, line 2: ...global warning catastrophe...

    Page 5, Para 4: But he was patient, young, at thirty-nine, for a Second Captain, and he had time.

    Consider revising. Make 2 sentences

    Page 5, Para 17: "Please(,) call me Maari,"

    Page 6, Para 6: but no attempt at contact with the humans was attempted.

    Try not to use "attempt" twice like that. EX; But no attempt at contact with the humans was made.

    Page 10, 3rd para from bottom: "...establishes based on our planet undetected."

    Pretty obvious fix Pfft

    Page 11, Para 10: "This is based on the birth rate of the Unsociables."

    Unsociables should be Antisocials methinks

    Page 13, Last Para: It is now time for you (to) finish your training

    I know that seems like alot I've found, but for what you've written, it's hardly any at all... now onto my response Pfft

    simply... fucking... amazing!!!!!

    My only real problem is it ended so quickly! I know people sometimes complain that the ending gets dragged on so it's probably for the better (eg. Lord of the Rings Pfft)

    other then that, it was an astounding piece of work! Best i've read by you since i've joined.

    I definitely recommend this read to anyone with a good hour or two to spare.

    And your use of foresight was impeccable. Amazing job Smile
    Phew! took me a while, but I finally got it done.

    A great tale, with engaging and believable characters. nicely plotted and executed.

    A few minor glitches but nothing worth mentioning.

    A great, great tale, thank you.