The Antisocial
Description
It's long. Really long.| This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 92.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results: | |
| Concept/Plot: | 94.5% |
| Imagery: | 93.5% |
| Spelling & Grammar: | 89.5% |
| Flow/Rhythm: | 92.5% |
| Vocabulary: | 93.5% |
A Note on Ranks
Officer Ranks from Lowest to Highest
Lieutenant Junior
Second Lieutenant
First Lieutenant
Fourth Captain
Third Captain
Second Captain
First Captain
General
Commander is a title given to any officer who has had a combat command. He wears a gold sunburst on his or her left breast pocket. If a Commander has been wounded in combat, the sunburst is backed by yellow. If he has been wounded twice, it is backed by crimson.
Political Ranks from Lowest to Highest
Governor
Governor General
Chancellor
The Supreme Council rules the Human Confederation, the general government of Earth. The Supreme Council is composed of Governors, Governors General, and Chancellors. There are various committees and subcommittees within the council, which are chaired by ranks Governor and above and consist primarily of elected representatives from the various districts and municipalities.
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Page 5, line 2: ...global warning catastrophe...
Page 5, Para 4: But he was patient, young, at thirty-nine, for a Second Captain, and he had time.
Consider revising. Make 2 sentences
Page 5, Para 17: "Please(,) call me Maari,"
Page 6, Para 6: but no attempt at contact with the humans was attempted.
Try not to use "attempt" twice like that. EX; But no attempt at contact with the humans was made.
Page 10, 3rd para from bottom: "...establishes based on our planet undetected."
Pretty obvious fix
Page 11, Para 10: "This is based on the birth rate of the Unsociables."
Unsociables should be Antisocials methinks
Page 13, Last Para: It is now time for you (to) finish your training
I know that seems like alot I've found, but for what you've written, it's hardly any at all... now onto my response
simply... fucking... amazing!!!!!
My only real problem is it ended so quickly! I know people sometimes complain that the ending gets dragged on so it's probably for the better (eg. Lord of the Rings
other then that, it was an astounding piece of work! Best i've read by you since i've joined.
I definitely recommend this read to anyone with a good hour or two to spare.
And your use of foresight was impeccable. Amazing job
A great tale, with engaging and believable characters. nicely plotted and executed.
A few minor glitches but nothing worth mentioning.
A great, great tale, thank you.