LotSF: Chapter III

Fantasy written by Pritrostell on Friday 19, February 2010

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Chapter 3: Pink Moon

Overall Rating: 88.2%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 88.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:87%
Imagery:92.5%
Spelling & Grammar:85.5%
Flow/Rhythm:86.5%
Vocabulary:89.5%
Words from the Author
I am starting to really enjoy writing. This is the first time I have EVER decided to try and write a story NOT for school, and am having a great time. I'm extremely excited to find out what happens next in the story yet I'm the one writing it! If you only read the stories offered in the den, I highly suggest trying to write one of your own. It is a great way to occupy time, and is a great learning experience. Plus, the members of the den, including me, are always willing to lend a helping hand. Please enjoy Chapter three of The Legend of the Silver Flame Smile P.S. Is vulgarity ( a small controlled amount) Allowed on this site? Like if i wanted to do a love scene, or a person's personality involved being bad-@$$ Pfft just curious is all. ________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 3
Pink Moon
"Land ho!" The captains yell had woken me from my slumber. I looked down to find Lynnie still sound asleep. The crewmen began to file into the cargo hold and take the empty barrels for filling. I gently nudged Lyn to wake her up. "We're here Lyn, time to get going." I went over and grabbed one of the larger barrels. "Grab a barrel and let's go." We had to do our part for the ride on the ship; it was only fair after all. We finished helping the crew take the barrels off of the ship, and sat down to have a break. I waved down the guy who helped us on in the first place. "Hey, where exactly are we? I never bothered asking before because I was just passing through but;" "Why you're in Vorgan of course. Listen; if you ever need a ride back to Luthanon we'll be more then happy to take ya." He waved goodbye as he walked back over to the barrels and proceeded to wheel them onto the ship. "Well, now I know where we are. Which direction did you say Koran was in?" "I don't know to be honest." She started looking around Vorgan, hoping to find some sort of sign or map. "I guess we'll have to find an inn and get directions." I looked at her and smirked, "That's alright, as long as you don't steal anything and plant it on me again." "I said I was sorry for that! Let it go already!" She stomped off towards the center of the village, and I followed behind laughing to myself. It took us a little bit but we finally found an inn. Lyn went inside, but I stopped to look at a sign posted on the wall beside the door. It was a poster depicting the Silver Flame, and it had little tidbits of info at the bottom. I read the information on the poster, and then followed Lyn inside. She was already talking to the keep. "So we take the north exit and follow it straight to Koran?" She was writing everything down on a napkin. "That's right Ma'am, just remember to be prepared. It's a two days ride on coach, and twice that by foot. Is there anything else I can help you with?" It was close to noon so I figured we better rest up before leaving. "We'd like a room if you have one, and we'll take two lunches please." I paid the keep for our stuff, and then sat at a table with Lyn. "We'd better find some shops to buy some food and drink from. We might need some way to defend ourselves as well." She looked up from her meal with eyes that showed fear and worry. "Defend ourselves from what?" "Well, you never know what could be out there." I didn't want to scare her, but I had to remind her. "Remember those dogs from before. I can't guarantee I can repeat my previous efforts if we're attacked again." "Very well;" She dragged on into silence, and then suddenly sprung out of her seat. "I'll go get the food, you get the defense." She took the last bite of her food, took half my tritans, and ran through the door before I could stop her. I finished my meal, took our dishes to the keep. I thanked him for a great meal, and then set off into Vorgan to find some sort of weapons to buy.
***
As I walked through the streets of Vorgan, I saw that the village itself was much different from the one on Luthanon. Buildings were made out of a mixture of stone and mud. There was almost no wood, except for the signs that hung over doorways signifying the purpose of the contents inside. As for the roads, just dirt paths covered by the sand from the coast. I turned down a fairly large dusty trail that went back to the main road, and came across a building of relative size with a sign over the doorway. The sign depicted two swords crossed behind a shield. This should be just what I'm looking for. Bells similar to the ones from Luthanon rang as I entered the shop, and my eyes began to wander over all the magnificent wares. Long swords, Short swords, knives and daggers, staves, and even bows; every weapon you could imagine was right in front of my eyes. I walked around the store selecting a few items, and then brought them to the owner. "I'd like to buy these please, how much will it cost?" I had gathered a relatively sturdy stave, a medium-sized bow, and a couple of daggers. The shop-keep looked over my choices and ran his finger over a long sheet, tapping when he found the matching prices. "That'll be 5000 tritans please." 5000 tritans! O well, it couldn't be helped I guess. Good thing the captain of the Plokstanis gave me wages for both trips, not to mention the crewman that lent me a couple thousand himself. I reached down into my belongings to find my money was gone; again! "Can you hold these for me; I must've left my money back at the inn." The shop-keep reluctantly took the items behind the counter and went to another customer. I quickly ran out the door, searching for Lynnie. Part of me was hoping she had taken it, but I was fairly certain it was taken from me. Just as I got out of the weapon shop, I heard a familiar scream not far away. I ran as fast as I could down the path and turned around a building to find Lyn shaking on the ground. Standing over her was a really short girl, no more then four feet tall. She was wearing a small red dress and had two pink ponytails. She looked over at me, and she must have recognized me, because she ran faster then I could run. At least faster then I thought I could run. After about 10 seconds of running at full speed, I caught up to and tackled the little girl to the ground. She started violently thrashing around, forcing me into awkward positions. Suddenly, with both feet on my chest, she vaulted me off of her and onto my ass. She quickly got up and pulled out two crescent moon blades from her sides. Each blade had a tassel hanging from the back. "Leave me alone, I don't want any trouble." Her hands were trembling, as was her entire body. "I just wanted some money for my mom, she's very sick and;" "I don't want to hear anymore, give me the tritans you took or I'll call for guards." I didn't know I could sound so demanding and important. It even scared me a bit. I could tell she never actually drew her blades out before. They were just there as a safety, you know, just in case. I started to slowly walk towards her when a voice just barely reached my ears. "Be careful Trist, those look dangerous." I looked behind real quick and winked at Lyn, to show her I was in control. I reached the girl, and she dropped her blades on the dusty road, kneeling in front of me and crying. "I'm sorry; so sorry; I don't really have a sick mother; If I don't bring him money he'll hit me;" She was a mess of tears and dust, and I felt sorry for her; the same way I felt sorry for Lynnie back in the field. "Put your blades away and give us our money back. We'll help you, if you promise to stop stealing people's things." A sigh of relief from behind reassured me that Lyn agreed. "If we're going to help you, we need to know your name." She picked up her blades and housed them in there respective slots. "My name is;" she was still crying a bit, but it had calmed, "My name's Tranea." Lynnie came up beside me and stretched out her arms. "Come over here Tranea, I'll clean you up and then we'll figure this whole thing out." I took the tritans that she had taken from me and left her to go with Lynnie to the inn. She had already bought the food and drink for our travels ahead, so we agreed to meet in our room. I quickly ran back to the weapon store, paid for my items, and made my way back to the inn. The entire way back I couldn't help but contemplate my way of meeting people. For some reason, it always involved theft.
***
"GET OUT NOW!" A book slammed against the side of my head, cracking open then falling to the floor. What did I do now? I closed the door and sat against the wall holding the weapons I'd just bought. A few minutes later the door opened, and Tranea came out and picked up the book. "Sorry about that Trist, I was changing in the middle of the room because I forgot there was a boy with us." She skipped her way into the room, whistling a tune I did not recognize. "That hurt you know; how would you like it if I threw a book at your head?" Lynnie glared at me then walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. "I assume she's told you about what we're doing right." Tranea was dancing around in little circles, happy as could be. "Yep, she's told me that the three of us are going to Koran to help her father." Whoa wait, the three of us? "LYN!" The door to the bathroom opened and she looked at me with the same eyes she had when she was attacked in the field. "Wh... wh.. What?" I walked over to the bathroom door. "Excuse us for a minute Tran" I closed the door behind me, and turned to look at Lyn. "Are you mad! Why is she coming with us?" "You said we'd help her, and she said that she couldn't stay in Vorgan if she had no money, and I said that she could come with us "cause we needed the help, and she said she could help us by teaching us to use weapons, and;" "Breathe woman; you're going to kill yourself." I'd never heard anyone talk that fast before. I'm not even sure I heard everything. "Do you trust her; she did just steal from BOTH of us." Lyn smiled as she squeezed past me and opened the bathroom door. "You trust me don't you, and how did we meet?" I smirked as I thought back to the guards and the innkeeper from Luthanon. She's got me there I guess, I can't really fight that. I quickly changed out of my clothes and went to get into my bed, when Lyn started to yell at me again. "No way, you're sleeping on the floor tonight." "What! I paid for this room, and I specifically got two beds so that I didn't have to sleep on the floor!" "Well, now there are three of us; and since you're the only guy it's common courtesy to allow the women the comfort of a warm bed." "But;" That was all I could get out in terms of an argument. She just yelled and threw the book at me again, which I successfully dodged. I finally gave up and made a bed of sorts out of my belongings and started to dose off.
***
"Wake up Trist." All I could feel was a single finger poking me in the back, right on my spine. "Come on, get up already, and be quiet about it." I rolled over and felt a dull pain shoot through my body. The floor, it seems, was very uncomfortable and had locked up all of my muscles. I slowly sat up and saw Lyn kneeling in front of me wearing her nightgown. "Why'd you wake me up? Are we leaving already? What time is it?" I was still groggy from my now distant slumber. "Shh, you'll wake up Tran. Get up, come on its cold." I tried to get up but pain shot through my back causing me to fall back to the floor with a loud thump. Both of us looked over at Tran, who only rolled over and continued to sleep. Breathing a sigh of relief, Lynnie helped me up and took me over to her bed. "Here, sit still; I'll help loosen your muscles. We can't have you in pain for the entire trip, can we?" She started massaging my back and shoulders, and I began to slowly melt in her hands. "I felt bad for yelling at you earlier and making you sleep on the floor. It's been keeping me up all night." Her hands made their way down towards my sides. "It's okay, really. I was just a little angry myself. It's not everyday that your money gets taken from you, although with me it might as well be." We both chuckled as I turned to face her. "Can I ask you something Trist, just between us two?" "Of course you can, we're friends right. A friend is someone who is there for you, thick and thin." She looked at me, and I could sense that she was worried, almost scared. "Do you regret meeting me?" I couldn't believe it. My heart sunk down deep into my stomach, and I felt my hopes of her feelings towards me slipping away ever so slowly. "Why would I regret that? What would make you ask such a thing?" "Well if it wasn't for me, the guards would have never started chasing you on Luthanon, and you wouldn't have had your money stolen, or have your life put at risk, and I;" She stopped in the middle of her sentence and looked out the window into the star filled sky. She was silent for what seemed like forever. "I'm sorry for everything." I grabbed her gently by the chin and pulled her face towards mine, wiping her tears away. I moved beside her and pulled her closer to me, holding her tight in my arms. I said nothing, for no words could have described my feeling better then what I had just done. She laid her hand across my chest, and snuggled in as close to me as she possibly could. I felt a sense of renewed hope deep within my heart as it rose back into my chest with a calm, soothing beat. "Thank you Trist;"
***
I woke up the next morning in my makeshift bed, the sun's rays peeking over the landscape. Was it all a dream? Lyn had already gotten up and was in the bathroom. Tranea on the other hand, was snoring so loud I couldn't hear myself think. I walked over to her bedside and nudged her. "Wake up sleepy head, were leaving soon" I turned to go to the window and heard a loud thump. Laughing, I turned back to find Tran on the floor, confused and dizzy. Lyn opened the bathroom door and saw Tranea on the floor. She yelled at me and threw her book, barely missing me. I muffled my laughter and opened the window, letting a soft, cool breeze flow through the room. We gathered our things and headed downstairs. It was barely seven in the morning, yet the inn was busy as ever. I took the key to the keep, and ordered breakfast for the three of us. We sat and ate, brought out dishes to the keep, and left in no more than 15 or 20 minutes. Lyn pulled out her napkin with the directions on them. "So the keep said to go north, and it's a straight walk right into Koran. Is everyone ready? Did anyone forget anything?" We checked our bags which Tranea had given us for helping her, and started to head down the path. Lyn had bought enough food and water for a seven day journey, but since we had Tranea with us it should do us for the trip and a little bit longer. Tran was skipping down the path, her pink ponytails flying in the wind, and Lynnie and I were walking beside each other. I wanted to ask her about last night, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Lyn grabbed my arm, stopped me, and turned to face me. "Thank you Trist;" It was like she was reading my mind. She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. It wasn't a very long kiss, but it felt like eternity. Blushing, she smiled and ran towards Tran. "Slow down you!" I saw Tran turn around and almost trip over her feet. They were giggling and chasing each other around, and they looked almost like family. We looked almost like family. I closed my eyes and smiled, remembering the sweet taste of her lips; repeating it over and over again. This was going to be a great trip.
   

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Comments

    Getting better.

    As to your question, there is no censorship in the Den; you're free to write whatever you like,and in whatever way you deem suitable.

    Nowl couple of glitches (heh, got ya)

    "I'm sorry... so sorry... I don't really have a sick mother... If I don't bring him money he'll hit me..."
    Should be she?

    And;
    'The floor, it seems, was very uncomfortable' 'seems' should be 'seemed'


    See you next chapter?
    aah good call on the floor, and as for he'll hit me...

    It was sort of like those poor children who have some guy that feeds them when they steal money for him, but beat them if they bring him nothing...

    No real importance except it go her to go with them... thats all

    And definitely, i'm only a chapter away from where i want to be so Smile
    Good so far; it could use a bit of cleaning.
    I would have broken this into three chapters.
    3 chapters O.o

    This is hardly a chapter itself lol

    The thing is, I'm trying to follow an average novel, and this si the info i found that i'm currently following.

    1 page = 250 words
    1 chapter = 20 pages

    This is something like 2600 words, where as an average chapter based on the average numbers above is about 5000, give or take about 500 depending on white space, etc

    To me, this is actually lacking, as was the second chapter (more so the second one, it was only 1800 words)

    I want to eventually try and publish a novel, so I figured i'd start getting used to the format now right?