The King's View

Romance Story written by Malicepoint on Saturday 19, December 2009

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Description
Part 2

Overall Rating: 83.6%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 83.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:84%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:81.5%
Flow/Rhythm:84%
Vocabulary:83.5%
OK, Blue don't freak it's just a new school.No one's out to get you (at t least not yet) Skye thought to himself as he got off of the bus. I took off my shoulder bag to pull out my cell phone.I scrolled down to my mom's name on the list,Kerry, sending a text I type in the letters: U-R-D. Putting my phone away, I head to the building that looks like the principles office. It had one of those overhanging roofs. The type where you are under the roof but you are still freezing cold. Jumping up the steps, I push the door open and make my way inside. The hallway had the work all day and night feeling. The walls were common school type, having blotted blue dots and then a darker blue as the background. I also saw that there was a sign on the wall that pointed to direction of the main of the main. Continuing down the hallway I could see various doors with room numbers above them. All this time kept becoming more and more nervous. I basically was freaking out by the time I made it to the next marking point. This was mostly due to the school being a Co-ed Dorm. Yeah and you think you have problems. I saw to my left that there were to a girls and boys bathroom,feeling the the sweat in my face. I started to make my way to the bathroom. Wham, What the hell? thought Skye. Behind me stood a beautiful women around five feet 5 to five foot six. She could probably tell that I was staring for the longest time by just how long it tool me to react. I mean for real would you expect a girl that you have never met before hit you on the back of the head. NO?I didn't think so. What the hell are you doing here this is a restricted area? She said in the in a angelic voice Well, first of all I believe I'm looking for the principle's office or something in that category, that's what I wanted to say but it didn't turn out that way it came out as: "I.. I .. wha.. wha.. am.. I going to the principle's office. (Note, to self take speaking/anxiety classes in the future). "Why are you here the principles office is in the main office?" (Motioning with hands for name) "Blue" I said finally getting my bearings back. Calm and seductive always wins the race Skye thought to himself as he let out a deep sigh "O.K blue I am going to take you to the principles office then you are going to tell how the hell you got in the building in the first place" she said. "Why the hell did you hit me?" Blue finally getting pissed "Well, your in a building that is about to be destroyed" she said in a matter of fact type of voice "Heh, Heh , Heh , OK where is the nearest exit" Blue said loudly "Shut the he.." "Hey, Did you here about that new video game roar" " Yeah the reviews on it are high, many people are expected to get the game;." The voices faded as they went down the hallway. "What the hell are we doing here? Lets get the hell out of here" blue said in a panicked voice. "O.K but lets be quite about it, they don't need to know that we're in here." She said in a calm voice I could tell by the way she was saying it that this wasn't her first time getting into possible trouble. It seemed to me that she could have already gotten out if I weren't here. Follow me she said in a controlled voice. She led me into a room that seemed to be underground. I could see where she was going with this. There was a small window in the top corner of the room. Sunlight was beaming through the little exit. "O.k. here's the deal, no one knows about me finding you." "Got it?" She said in a mean voice "Chrystal clear" I said she. Waving a farewell good bye she jumped to the exit and was out the in a flash. To think I didn't even ask her for her name. Using my skills from all those years in Jiu Jitsu. I jumped to the window with ease. Now to the principles office.
   

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Comments

    An interesting beginning, and is worth continuation.

    One suggestion; consider placing your heroes thoughts in italics. That would make it easier to follow.

    Nicely done.
    first of all, the story is great. secondly, the name of the main character kinda freaks me out.
    third, vermithrax's italics suggestion is indeed helpful.
    fourth, u really hurried it up towards the end, eh?