The Kings View

Romance Story written by Malicepoint on Thursday 17, December %1

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Part 1

Overall Rating: 84%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 84% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Spelling & Grammar:79.666666666667%
Waking up, this morning was a huge hassle but none the less I endured an woke. Making my way down the steps, I could here Mom in the kitchen making something for breakfast. Maybe for lunch. "Who Knows? Not me, I stayed up till about three playing halo and modern warfare. Super good, challenge me if you want but don't make excuses when you lose." "Skye, get your ass down here.You been taking to damn long to get down the stairs" mom says from below. "Yeah and?" I said back to her as I got down the steps. "Get over yourself for a minute okay blue. I have something to speak to you about this morning" She said " You're Father and have been thinking about your career;" I block her out of my head as she continues on and on about this until the words "move out" appear in the conservation with herself. Lets first get this straight I have been wanting to move out since about 9th grade. I believe it was because I wanted my first girl-friend(not yet hopping to be) to come over for a make out session or something. Mom and Dad were supposed to be gone on some random business trip for to Hawaii of all places and to tell you the truth I didn't give a damn. I was about to get a private make out session with one of the hottest girls I ever met, maybe more who knows what could have happen. To me this was a one sided romance story, apparently the one that everyone felt sorry for. "Hey, Blue get your head out of the clouds. You're going to boarding school." She said with great emphasis Wham, The th th the helllllll. No, no, no. I tried to tell her this with my eyes. I may not know what led up to me going to boarding school with the great conversation with herself. I know boarding school is away from home but boarding school really. But what I do know is that this meant war. Mom and I were staring at each other in the eyes. It was a war without words. Her eyes were saying: "Heh, your going to boarding school whether you like it or not" I may have left off a little bit of the amount of cuss words she might have been communicating towards me but no need to go that deep. My eyes were saying: "The fuck with that, do you want Dad to know about that little affair with the pool repair man" In response her eyes said "Confessed last night, he also confessed to me about some underhanded stuff. And by the way your going to boarding school" "Fuuuuuucccccckkk" do you really need to know whose eyes said that. Well, guess what? It seems to me I'm going to fucking boarding school. Oh yeah, and emphasis on the eighth word in the last sentence.

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  • minor punc and spelling issues.
    other than that, funny
    - December 17 2009 04:59:32
    • A cool tale, but really hard to read.

      I suggest that this be re-written, with dialogue inside speech marks, and a general punctuation clean.
      I'll be glad to re-rate it then.
      - December 17 2009 15:03:18
      • Kinda hard to read at times, but I got the gist of it. This sounds good, hoping to read more, but you kinda need to improve the grammar a bit. The story itself, though, is pretty good.
        - December 20 2009 10:37:29
        • I agree with Vermithrax. I won't rate these until you do some mechanical cleaning.
          The plot seems to be good. You could develop a bit more. Take your time and do not be in a hurry; you will find it is worth it.
          - December 24 2009 03:03:21