Revenge (Part 2)

Sci-Fi Story written by ladylunaivy on Saturday 5, December 2009

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Description
True fate. This is only the beginning. (Did not have a lot of time on this one and ppl kept bugging me. Might fix it up a bit latter when i have the time.)

Overall Rating: 84.666666666667%

This writing has been rated by 3 members, resulting in a rating of 84.666666666667% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:86.666666666667%
Imagery:89.333333333333%
Spelling & Grammar:78%
Flow/Rhythm:82.333333333333%
Vocabulary:87%
Kasai's lips curled in a twisted smile. It has been at least 5 years since her obsession began, and it was so close to becoming complete. Could this be it? Could it end this night, here and now? The thoughts swarmed threw her mind and she could not help but let out a sharp chuckle as she pulled a katana from its sheath. The katana sang out as it was released from its prison, reviling blackened steel that looked more like polished obsidian. "Kuragari," she whispered with a breath that quivered with a demented excitement and her eyes gerked forward suddenly. The pale light of the moon barely found its way into the alley, but it did not matter. Kasai could see her target perfectly fine, its been all she has seen sense she killed Dei. "Are you ready to die?" she could hardly hold it in anymore. The sharp laugh of a woman broke the silence of the night like a crack of thunder. "Me, die?" Kuragari's words were absorbed by the night, refusing to let them echo out. She took three steps closer to Kasai, letting her own pale violet eyes drift over her. "To be blunt," she paused for a moment as she tugged at the collar of the alabaster white trench coat she wore, "I do not believe you have even the slightest bit of skill to blink before I claim you. Besides, I really do not have time for this." Kasai's eyes widened with a wild rage. She could not let such an insult go unpunished, especially from her. With out another thought she charged. Her movement was smooth and balanced with perfect skill. The tip of her blade chased after its target, Kuragari's heart. She wanted to pierce it, she wanted her dead. She was tired of it all. Chasing after Kuragari's shadow. She had always been just out of reach. All these years, these long years. But that was over now. Kuragari was here, and all Kasai had to do now was cut out her blackened heart. Kuragari seemed to let out a sigh as she gave Kasai a partial smirk. In an instant, Kuragari's once pale skin darkened dramatically as her physical body was suddenly nothing more than a black mist. Just as suddenly as the chance had occurred she shifted to the left easily avoiding the blade and reclaimed her former solid body. Her skin though, remained ebony black. With Kasai's missed blow she was suddenly off balance. Kuragari did not hesitate to take advantage of her situation. With her right hand she grabbed the blade of the katana and twisted it with a surprising strength. This motion broke Kasai's grip on the weapon and Kuragari now laid claim to it. Kasai stumbled momentarily but quickly regained her balance. Turning to face her enemy again Kasai took in a deep breath. Her eyes flickered as those burning coals emerged followed by the embers trickling threw her hair. Her lips parted as she prepared to release the flames within but just as the first flickers of fire crept from her Kuragari was upon her. Kuragari pressed her lips against Kasai's as she embraced her in a kiss. Kasai's eyes widened in shock, but not from the shock of the kiss. A searing pain crept outward from her gut. Kuragari released her from the kiss, a satisfied grin painted across her face. Kasai's eyes dropped towards her stomach. Her own katana now rested within her, forced in all the way up to the hilt. The world around her began to blur and fade into shadow as all the strength in her body seemed to suddenly be striped away. Before she slipped away completely into the darkness, Kuragari slipped her finger under Kasai's chin to force her eyes to hers. "Do not worry my lovely. This is only the beginning of your fate," she spoke lowly with that satisfied grin still upon her face.
   

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Comments

    Very good.
    There are some spelling and punctuation errors, but overall, this is good.
    I do hope that there is more of this to come.

    Well done. Smile
    You need to rewrite this? Really?
    still don't get how this is related to sci-fi. more like a fantasy tale don't ya think?
    i could almost visualise the story, though some glitches here and there impeded the flow whatsoever.
    a good tale and just like kt and verm, i will be waiting too
    *arches a brow then nods to blue* hehe i think are correct. this is turning out to be more of a fantasy story then sci-fi. lol ^^

    thanks to all of you for the comments. they are very much appreciated and very helpful =D
    very promising.