Stones (part one: The Swamp Wood)

Fantasy written by Lone_Witch on Wednesday 2, December 2009

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Description
Fantasy taking place in the World of Ramulus

Overall Rating: 84.7%

This writing has been rated by 6 members, resulting in a rating of 84.7% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:85.666666666667%
Imagery:89.5%
Spelling & Grammar:81.833333333333%
Flow/Rhythm:81%
Vocabulary:85.5%
The woods were dark, and the fog was thick around the heels as a lonely thief strode among the trees sewn deep into the earth. Not too many of the slums' thieves dared to uses the Swamp Wood as a navigation rout, but those who did found its twist and turns to their advantage. That is ;if they knew their way about it. Unfortunately most did not. Our particular lone wolf was one of the many who, not unlike even those with navigation, found himself staring at the same jumble of trees no matter which way his feet took him. Without carrying sword or weapon the wood neighboring the Damsunth slums acted as not just a maze but a maze harboring many teeth, sharp like daggers ready to plunge themselves into the backs of the ones who journey through the mouth of the beast. For that is what those who live near call the thick jumble of trees. The Beast. Its tall oaks blocked out the little sunlight that was left in the late afternoon, and inside the belly of this beast loomed creatures so foul that they are not even hunted for the meat on their backs. The sweet scent of the swamp flowers is folly to enjoy, for as it draws you near so do the plants once beautiful and inviting gape open with mouths and fangs. Mud and dirt caked thick on the bottoms of the thief's boots, and in turn softened the sounds of his footsteps on the forest floor. His breath could be seen flowing white from his mouth as he breathed deep, uncertain of his getaway decision. Close to his heart in his right hand a small package was held, but not without want of replacing it with a sword. The foul whispers of misleading calm called to him from the branches of far off trees. Regret flew threw him not unlike an arrow accompanied by a poisoned tip of dread. This light little morsel of shine stolen from the palace storerooms was not worth flight from the guard, and it was most defiantly not worth being torn to pieces by some unrecorded terror among the trees of the Swamp Wood. His grip on the package grew tighter as his feet strode on through the forest; their city nature causing them to stumble among the roots and fallen branches. A light shone bright through the upcoming trail. Hope once again flickered in his chest, and fear gave away to excitement. Could it be that he staid close to the edge of the wood after all? The trees soon opened up to the late afternoon air as the thief's foot caught the last root of the outskirt trees, and he fell to his hands; the stolen package flung from his grip landed a few feet away. Some would say that it was the wood's way of attempting to catch the fly that got away from the web. He opened his eyes to the wide grassy field separating Damsunth from the Swamp Wood and gave a laugh of relief. The package lay momentarily forgotten.
   

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Comments

    Nice work. Will be good to see what you do with this.
    Some nice descriptive passages. This has the makings of an interesting tale.
    Looking forwards to more of this
    Well done.

    Smile
    This really captivated me! A really good start. There are a few spelling mistakes, but nothing that cannot be easily fixed.
    you use some lovely imagery here, creating a dark forbodding setting. Some of your paragraphs don't seem flow as well as others, but again this is minor and with work could be really good. I want to know more about your thief please, he has me wanting more!
    A very good beginning. Superbly written. Awaiting the next chapter.
    now that was a dashing start!
    This is good. However, there are parts of it that were hard to follow, which made me re-read a few parts.