A New Paradise

Poem written by Natasha on Monday 18, February %4

Member Avatar
Description
This writing has not yet had a description added.

Overall Rating: 78.1%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 78.1% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:78.5%
Imagery:81.5%
Spelling & Grammar:82%
Flow/Rhythm:67.5%
Vocabulary:81%
As a breeze comforts my cheek, I awaken and open my eyes. I see but stains of frustration and defeat, As a dusky shadow attacks the colourless skies. An atmosphere of endless silence and fantasy, Come about as unimaginable visions. They control all thoughts of pain and sympathy, Taking over your mind and decisions. An agonizing flame covers the water, As hot steam rises to melt the darkness. Your worries are blazed over by the golden fire, As hurt and damage is endured by the overcoming of obscureness. Death quickly lifts itself, As clouds of relief casually surround each bound. I see quick flashes of my past life as well as my troubled health, For I am not only lost, but will never be found. Life, a treasure I once had, But was given to me without warning, time limit nor clue. So I shall cry forevermore, and stay sad, For I was too young to be forgotten, My time was not yet due.
   

Rate This Submission

Please take the time to rate this writing once you have read it. Our ratings system allows people to know both how popular the writing is, and how well the general populous of the site thinks it is written. This also allows the writer to have feedback about their writing, so they know if they need to improve their technique, or if they're on the right track.

The system allows you to vote on several aspects on the writing. Refer to the help text below each aspect for an explanation. Consider the different aspects carefully, and submit your vote using this form. It will be instantly weighted with the other votes given.


Depending on the writing type, give your opinion on the overall plot if it is a story, or the concept of the writing if it is abstract such as a poem. Does it seem to make sense, strike a chord with you or seem a well chosen concept? Did the author stick to the concept or did they change mid-thought?
Did the author use words and descriptions that allowed you to visualize the scenes portrayed in the writing? Did the feelings of the work stir your emotions as you read it?
Were the words spelled correctly? Was proper punctuation and grammar used? Could you easily understand sentences or did you have to re-read lines several times to understand what was meant?
Depending on the writing type, how did the writing flow? If it's a story, did it have a smooth, easy to follow flow? Did the flow of events make sense? If it's poetry, did the author stick with the syllable flow for that writing type? Did the lines rhyme properly if a rhyming device was used?
Did the author use the same words over and over or did they use a broad vocabulary to get their exact point across? Could better wording be chosen then what they have used?

0 comments

Leave a Comment

Please Login to Post a Comment.
  • No Comments have been Posted.