¤ Untitled Project

Story written by common on Tuesday 21, July 2009

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Overall Rating: 85.6%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 85.6% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:87.5%
Imagery:87%
Spelling & Grammar:90.5%
Flow/Rhythm:75.5%
Vocabulary:87.5%
Untitled The cold wind blew against my neck sending chills down my spine. I pulled my coat closed trying to keep the remaining body heat inside. Snow was falling all around me, dancing slowly from the sky all the way to the ground. The old park a field of soft white with the only other colour being that of the overhead path light shining its gentle glow down into the snow and onto the path. The night was slowly setting in and this is all I had, this park. No, I wasn't homeless. I just had nowhere to go. No purpose, no real feeling of self preservation. I sat down on a park bench right beneath an overhead light. The glow giving off a small sense of warmth which I gladly welcomed. I lay down on the bench, curled up into a tight ball and closed my eyes. In an instant all the things that have passed flash before my eyes. It was like every ones lives, thoughts, memories all rolled into a great film played out in incredible speed, and then it stopped and I was left with nothing but blankness in my mind and a not a sound I could hear. I open my eyes and the street light above me flickers on and off, on and off. Then goes off completely. I suddenly feel at peace. Then she appears with an out stretched hand. Her eyes gently shimmering a gentle blue in the darkness. "Come with me" she says in a quiet whisper. "Who...who are you?" "I'm your escape" She smiles at me as I reach out to take her hand. Suddenly I fall off the park bench and the street light flickers back on. I lie on the ground and look around before feeling my chest tighten. Quickly I roll over and start coughing. I struggle to breathe and gasp for air before coughing again with a spray of blood coating the snow. I wipe my mouth and get to my feet and clear the snow from my coat and walk down the path out of the park.
   

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Comments

    OK. a somewhat homeless dude lies on park bench on a snowy night, a mysterious and probably pretty chick appears, gives a tricky message: that's pretty much the summary.nice vocabulary and plot but real slow development. hope the forthcoming ch's retain the quality and gain some speed at too.
    I think the girl was the angel of death, but maybe I'm wrong. Think this could go in a number of directions so send us somemore. enjoyed it.
    Intriguing.
    We want more.., We want more.., We want more.., *chant*

    Well done Smile