The value of friendship

Fantasy written by studentsofenglish on Saturday 20, June 2009

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By marianella Zagarra

Overall Rating: 85%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 85% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:80%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:80%
The value of friendship by Marianella Zegarra Ganoza In a morning of January, when the heat appeared to the city, Mr. Loyola, Lucía's dad, a very beautiful and sensitive 8 year-old girl, took her to his work center because she didn't have with the one who to stay at home. - It was time of vacations for the little girl- (the mom was busy in her supermarket and the grandma was sick). She hated to go to their father's work because she saw many animals that went to be sacrificed for the experiments of the laboratory. But she didn't have another alternative. During the trip to the laboratory, while Lucía thought what she could make in that place for not getting bored, Mr. Loyola spent it talking aloud about the chemical processes that he could make in its next experiment. And they were this way the minutes passing. Lucía was getting off the car when suddenly she sights the partners of her dad in the distance taking rabbits, guinea pigs and hairy brown baby dog. She found it strange to see the puppy because the company was only authorized of working with the first two animals not mentioned with dogs. Mr. Loyola and Lucía entered. The dad left to his office and Lucía stayed under the care of the watchman. The girl felt boring and worried by what saw when getting off the car. For such a reason, she decides to escape from the watchman to go in search "of the hairy one." The only thing that was created to say as excuse is to request permission to go to the bathroom. And like it is of being expected, the watchman gave it to him. "Perfect opportunity", she said inside herself. It was made that she went in route to the bathroom and gingerly she entered for one of the doors that was within their reach. For her bad luck, in that room they were only the reagents. When it was about to open the door, she listened people's voices that came closer to where she was. Immediately, she hid under the table (happily she had a cloth long my that allowed to cover it). They entered to the bedroom two workers conversing among them and in a part of the conversation one of them said: "Do you agree with which they want to experience with the dog? That is illegal!" and the other one responded him: "I know that it is ethical anti but he is the most appropriate guest to apply the antidote and to see the possible allergic reactions that he takes place. The rabbit is also it, but he has disadvantages; the bosses also decided already it, today will be made the experiment;" they picked up the reagent and left. Afraid Lucía with she listened to it she decided to go in search of the dog to save him. It left the room and it began to look for in all the places that had doors to find the dog. The minutes passed and it didn't find anything, until, "I finally found it!" she said when she entered to the last room of a dark passageway. In him there was a cage full with rabbits, other full with guinea pigs, another full with rats; and in a box it was afraid the poor brown hairy puppy, of big eyes and tender look. Immediately she took it in arms but, now the great problem was to go out with him without they realized. The only thing that was devised was to hide it under their coat and to leave faking that she had stomachache to cover the bundle a little. The plan was coming out well until, in half of the road it is its dad. Him angered asks her: "what do you make here?... what do you take under your coat?" And it stops bad luck of her, the puppy begins to cry. Mr. Loyola pulled up to the puppy of the hands and it occurred half turn. Lucía, whatever she can, she would not allow them to sacrifice it and she began to scream him before all those that were there: "do you find exactly to use a defenseless dog in an experiment? That is illegal!, Murderer! Murderers, you and your partners!" - The whole room stayed in silence "" Some were with tears in the eyes before the small Lucía's words. The only thing that made the dad was to return to the puppy and to tell her "it is your dog." Lucía was happy for two reasons: to have saved the dog and because her dad demonstrated an attitude that she wanted to see a long time ago. All returned to their works. Mr. Loyola retires with the girl and the dog, they ascend to the car and they go from return to house. When arriving home, the low girl to the dog and he/she tells him see him:" you will call Fido." The dad smiled. When entering to house, the Mrs. Paredes were in the kitchen and when she sees Lucía with the dog, a scream she gave saying: "how that animal entered here in my house?" The dog was afraid of the scream ran behind the girl and this told him: "it is my new mascot." The Mrs. Paredes were looking at their husband said: "Lucía go to your room." Lucía picked up to Fido and go to her room. In the one in route to their bedroom listened that their parents began to discuss, as always, but this time the reason was the dog and the expense that this caused. The only thing that Lucía cared it was their new mascot, Fido. At least already she had a new friend with which could share experiences since none of their parents had the enough time of assisting her and their grandma only took care of it. Fido something was still afraid, it was a new house, new people that he knew; however, it was happy because Lucía had adopted it. While it lasted the discussion of their parents, Fido and Lucía they were playing above the bed until they listened that somebody came closer to their room. They were their parents. They entered and they told him that they accepted Fido with the only condition that doesn't make mischiefs in the house and that she took charge of him and for the food and bovine, it passed to bill of them. She said that yes seating with the head. After it, Lucía was looking for him a box where she could sleep her new friend and food because he was of hunger the poor puppy. It arrived the night, all went to sleep. A new day it dawned, Fido woke up very early crying requesting food. Lucía woke up with her friend's cry. The dads sleeping were even. They were quietly toward the kitchen to take out the food of Fido and to go again to the bedroom. As they were vacations, Lucía had the whole time to enjoy with Fido. As habit, their dads will work while she was alone with the grandma. Now that Fido was, in the mornings they will go to the park to play in Lucía's grandma's company; in the afternoons they will stay at home seeing television or they left to a neighbor's house to continue playing and in the nights, already will tired, they will fall asleep. They were this way the days happening; More time passed, bigger and more beautiful Fido put on and more grew the friendship between Lucía and him. The whole vicinity knew Fido. In certain opportunity, the dog and the girl they were playing in the garden of the house with a ball but in one of the times that Fido threw him the ball with its muzzle, this rotated toward the hint. The girl ran to pick up it without realizing that a car came. It is then where Fido realized and it pulls it of her hand with its muzzle and the tomb to the sidewalk avoiding that it ran over her the car. Lucía stayed per seconds in shock but then she reacted and she hugged her friend strongly to have saved him the life. It is a great sample of friendship. They continued lapsing the days, months, until it arrived the time of returning to the school. Lucía was concerned because she left to be single Fido although the grandma had committed of taking care of it when she was not. Then this way the first month of school time passed. In the mornings while Lucía was in the school, the grandma took care of Fido: she gave him food, she took it to go for a walk; the girl's dads already something were uncomfortable with the dog because very big and many expenses was already they were causing. In many opportunities they had thought of throwing away it but they thought of Lucía's reaction and for that reason they didn't make it. One morning, when Lucía was in the school and the grandma had gone shopping, Fido is alone at home. As he was playful , he found in the floor some papers that it caused him curiosity and it began to bite them as playing. The Mr. Loyola that day had forgotten their briefcase and he decides to return home for it. When entering, he saw broken paper pieces everywhere and to Fido tossed above them and it moved him the line when he saw Lucía's dad. The gentleman became infuriated when seeing this scene and it threw away it of the house without pity. The poor dog came out running without direction giving cries. All the neighbors saw it but they could not make anything to help him. The dad left the house, it ascended to his car and he left. Minutes later the grandma arrived. When entering to the house, the first thing that made is to call to the dog, but it didn't leave. It looked for all the corners of the house but there was not. The only thing that found was the papers broken by the dog. - It was already the hour in that Lucía arrived. ""The grandma was desperated when not seeing the dog. They knocked on the door; It was the girl Lucía! What did she say to the poor girl? When she left to open him the door, one of the neighbors gave the bad news to both. The girl called her dad asking him the reason of that reaction. The dad was so angry that it counted him what had happened and it hung her the telephone. Lucía was destroyed, she didn't make more than to cry. The grandma didn't know how to console her. When she left to bring him a glass of water, the only thing that was devised to the small one went to leave to look for it in their bicycle. And she made this way it. It left their house as quickly as possible in their bicycle looking for all the streets of the city calling to their friend. When the grandma returns to the room, Lucía was not. Immediately she called to her parents to give him the bad news but they told her that insurance was one of the so many fits that makes that didn't worry. Then the grandma was only him to wait. Among so much, the girl had already gone away enough of her house. It continued calling to their Fido but she didn't find him. When it was already about to be given for conquered, she saw in the distance to a ball of hair brown color shrunk in a corner. She came closer to this and Oh! It was the faithful friend. The poor dog was afraid, with the same look of the first time that he met him in the laboratory. Both decided return to home, but there was a problem: they were lost. It was already near 6 in the afternoon. The only option that they had was to walk to some police station and to tell someone that they were lost. And it roasted they made. They began to walk and to walk, but they didn't find anything. In the road, they met with a group of racketeers that began to bother the girl. The dog taught them the teeth in sign of wanting them to bite to protect his owner. One of the members of the group grabbed to the girl and the rest they gave a beating to the poor person of Fido leaving it unconscious for some hours. The one that grabbed the girl began him to make a series of questions as where she lived, who their parents were, the phone number; and this way the kidnapping and the recompense that they would receive for the little Lucía to drift. While this happened, at home of Lucía they were already concerned. They were already near 8 in the night and the girl didn't give sign of life. The parents were broken-hearted.- sounded the telephone-. The mom hopelessly answered and they told him that they had kidnapped Lucía and they wanted 10 thousand dollars for her and they hung. In that moment, they put the accusation before the police for helped them with the case. The police was in constant investigation. After the beating that Fido received, he woke up something painful and when he looked to its surroundings, it was no longer Lucía with him. Then it left in their search. Because Fido is a dog, he had something of advantage on the policemen, the power of their smell. And it began to follow Lucía's steps through their great radar. Because was even painful, it could not rake well the prints, but it was not impossible. Between scented and scented, it arrived to one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the city. In that neighborhood it is where he got lost the girl's scent. The only thing that made is to look for in each corner to their great friend. And it got it. The place where the small one was it was an abandoned house of bad aspect and it could sight Lucía that was tied from hands and feet to a seat besides having gagged in the distance. The difficulty was how to take out it of there, how to request help; he hid in an alley to be able to plan the rescue. The parents received a call again on the part of the kidnappers indicating them where they should leave the money and where they would leave to their daughter. The police had already given with the street where the kidnappers and the girl were through rake of call. Immediately, they went gingerly toward the place but almost all the houses of the neighborhood where same and the address that had given them was fictitious. They were giving turns with the car to be able to find the place. Suddenly, the Mrs. Paredes sights a brown dog hidden in an alley that resembled Fido in the distance. It lowered hasty and that it was the surprise! He was the friend Fido. He moved his the line in sign of happiness to have arrived and it pulled it of the hand toward the house where Lucía was. The father warned to the police that they arrived to the place and to rescue his daughter. When the squadron arriving, a great shooting took place. While the kidnappers fought with the police, the Mr. Loyola and the dog went toward the girl to untie it. When they were already escaping from the place, Fido drops a lost bullet. In that moment the father loaded to Fido and they left with the girl toward the car. The police was able to catch the criminals. Fido was bled for the bullet impact and they didn't know what to make amid the confusion. The Mrs. Paredes took the steering wheel and they went to the veterinary nearest of the place so that they assist the dog. Lucía was together with her friend requesting him that he resisted a little more. When arriving to the veterinary, immediately they stopped him the hemorrhage and they began to operate. The veterinary said that he had few possibilities to continue living but that anyway they went to make all the possible one. Lucía didn't tolerate and she began to cry. The minutes that passed turn into hours; The anguish was enormous in the atmosphere. After 2 and a half hours the doctor of room of operations left and she told them: "we achieve him to extract the bullet, but her left paw won't be very completely. The dog will stay limping of that paw." The dads were surprised with the news and Lucía responded: "It doesn't matter that he will be lame, equal will be being my friend in the house." The parents were annihilated before the girl's answer. And it is as well as the dear friend survives Fido. After 4 days of being in the clinic returned home. Starting from then everything it changed at home. The parents were more time at home enjoying moments in family with Lucía and the already accepted "adoptive son" Fido. And it is as well as the friendship lasted among a human: Lucía and a dog: Fido, for long years.
   

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    This is a very nice story. However, I think the writer was a bit ambitious in her choice of words. I think simpler wording would help this story greatly. An excellent effort, however.