The adventure of the elected

Sci-Fi Story written by studentsofenglish on Wednesday 17, June 2009

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esl student Juan Matta

Overall Rating: 85%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 85% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:85%
Imagery:85%
Spelling & Grammar:85%
Flow/Rhythm:85%
Vocabulary:85%
In a world far far away from our planet there was a world that was very nice, peaceful and with no enemies until the day that some spaceships come. The first person was a scientific that saw it was shocked. He announce to the people: "¡there are spaceships right there¡¡they are coming to kill us¡"; but nobody believe that because in that planet the atmosphere was very dense, so the people can't see it. But there were some people that believe they were john a killer, Mary a young woman and a Jeffry an old weird man. When the invaders s began the attack everyone was astonished except the scientific, john (in prison), Mary and Jeffry. Jeffry was a legendary wizard and she has 443 years old and he knew the prophesy about a two persons that can kill every invaders that came from outer space and they are going to protect a planet with no defenses against them. And the two elected would be a man and a woman. Jeffry in a couple of minutes he realize that she only has minutes to found the chosen and she was trying to found the chosen but she only found the scientific who knew John and Mary. They were talking about the invasion Jeffry told to the scientific. "Well, I think that I should tell you something about myself and this war. First I am legendary wizard and I'm searching a man and woman to the safe this world" Jeffry said. And the scientific thinking that Jeffry could crazy, Jeffry use his power to create an ice from the ground that made the scientific believes in her. "So if you are legendary wizard why are you waiting for save this world with your powers" the scientific said. "That can't be possible because I'm weak. Do you know many years I have?" Jeffry said. "No I don't have a minimum idea of how old are you but let me guess okay? Let's see 94 years old?" the scientific said. Jeffry says "I have 443 years old". "Oh my god" exclaimed the scientific. "So what is you plan legendary wizard?" the scientific asked. "My plan is to find two persons that are aware of this war not like the rest of the people that believe in you when the invasion started" said Jeffry. "Well, I have two persons one is John he believe in what I said because he is my nephew but he is a killer and I'm not proud of that and the other person is Mary, she is a beautiful young woman that believe in me and she is my assistant " said the scientific. "That is perfect. Tell where they are so I can train them for this war" Jeffry said. "Let me see, John is in the nearest prison from here and Mary is in her house near Port Lux". The scientific said. "Thank you so much" Jeffry said "No, thanks to you" The scientific said "Okay, you're welcome" Jeffry said. Jeffry first went to see John because she knew that he would be the harder than Mary because of the simple fact that he was a violent person. When she arrives to the jail, John was the only person there and in the jails. When Jeffry wanted to talk with him, he just ignored her until she said: "This world is coming to the end and I need you to save this world" Jeffry said. John replied, "Why, did I have to sacrifice myself for this pathetic people that decide to send me to a prison where there is no light and now you want me to save this world, you make me laugh". "I'm not joking, I can train you became a powerful warrior with powers that you can't imagine and with that power you can save this save from the monsters that came to destroy this world. What do you say? Are you with me?" Jeffry said. "Okay I'm with you but I need to know if I'm going to have a partner "John said. "Yes, come with me" Jeffry said. After the conversation Jeffry surprised himself because he thought John will try to hit him. Then both go to the house of Mary and when John saw the house he told Jeffry that it was the house where he killed the old woman. John was terrified because he thought that the daughter of the old woman will be his partner. When Jeffry nocks the door, Mary opened and she let them pass. She was looking at John with anger. Jeffry told her about the situation. "Mary" Jeffry said. "We need you". "For what do you need me?" Mary said. "Well I "m going to explain it to you okay?" Jeffry said "Ok" Mary accepts. Jeffry told "You are the elected to save your world". "What¡?" Mary exclaimed. "John and you are the elected to save this world against the monsters and I will train you to defeat them" Jeffry said. Mary said "Yeah, I accept that but he can't be my partner because he killed my mom" Mary said "That is impossible to do because he is also elected to save the world, you must learn to forgive people" After this Jeffry took make a magical power that make John and Mary got to sleep. Then he vanished and appeared in his secret house. Once there Jeffry trains John and Mary in many ways that were physical and mental. After they finished training those aspects, he started telling them that they are going to have magical power and both (John and Mary) surprised. "I will explain this to you, John; you are going to have magical and sword powers which are very hard to learn but incredibly powerful attacks" Jeffry said "Yeah" John said. "And you Mary, you are going to be a powerful magical archer that can make auras to help John and yourself" Jeffry said. "No, just me, he doesn't deserve to be help" Mary said. "No, you are a team and if you don't help him, you both will be dead" Jeffry said. After they argue, the monsters started to attack the city where Jeffry, John and Mary were. John and Mary first battle was against the lowest class of monsters the invaders had. After they defeat all the weakest monster of the invaders, they felt so good that they decided to begin the risky adventure with a mission that was so difficult that makes them more anxious to start. Jeffry told them that they had first to kill the boss to save the world, so John and Mary began their adventure. The first day they ran up with many monsters which were easily to kill until they ran up with harder monster. "We have to kill them quickly if we don't kill tem fast and I don't know if we could even get to their boss" John said "You're right" Mary said. They were like enemies because John killed her mom and she hate him however While the time was happening (passing) they knew up to managing to be forgiven and then they become a friends. This friendship started when a monster captured Mary and when they were going to kill her; he appeared to save her with courage like nobody save her. Two years later that friendship was becoming in falling in love that they will never suspect ant the beginning of the journey. Also they had killed most of all monsters in the world so the only thing that absent was to kill the boss called Haldigrand. It was a huge thing, very powerful that many people that survive to haldigrand's attacks said that he is so strong that with one hand he can cut the air and with the other hand he makes a very small magical ball that destroys one city. The day that they decided to killed Haldigrand, they decided to first stole a spaceship with some clothe that can protect them from his powerful attacks. They found a captain spaceship where were some suit called "mithril" and some weapons called "sig metal". "With these clothes and with these weapons I'm sure we are going to kill him" John said. They battle with Haldigrand; the fight late more than 2 hours; but John and Mary defeated Haldigrand. Years later John and Mary married and now they have 4 beautiful children that are going to be protectors of the world. The End
   

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    A good story. When writing dialog, you may want to try and speak it with someone else. It does make a difference.