Richards story

Fantasy written by studentsofenglish on Wednesday 17, June 2009

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esl student GianCarlo Valencia

Overall Rating: 90%

This writing has been rated by 1 members, resulting in a rating of 90% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:90%
Spelling & Grammar:90%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:90%
RICHARD'S STORY Once upon a time there was a poor and humble family who used to live in a small town called "hope". They had lived all their lives there. It was the father Robert, the mother Ana and the child Richard who was ten years old. Robert didn't have a Job and they were running out of important resources. Richard always took classes at home by himself. He was a very spoiled and overprotected boy, especially by his mother and this made him grow so shy and isolated from the rest of the children. He had never had any friends because he didn't like to go out. He always stay at home until his father received a job offer from the city, so he decided to take his family there because he wanted to improve their lifestyle and give his family the best. Richard the boy had never left his town before, but this time had to do it and felt really bad about knowing that he was going to leave his homeland, this actually hit him too much. On his way to the city he met in the bus a boy called George who had been on vacation in Richard's town, he was very talkative, kind and friendly. He sat next to Richard, he tried to talk to him, but Richard didn't even say a word, George tried over and over again till Richard said his name, so that's when Richard started talking softly and calmly telling him his story because he found great confidence in George. When they arrived to the city, Richard found a strange and crowded place which made him feel kind of scared because he wasn't used to see many strange people, George noticed that and tried to comfort him, they got down from the bus very slow, they said each other good bye hoping to run into one other some time. Richard had never imagined getting along so fast with that wonderful boy. Meanwhile they lodged in a humble, but comfortable hotel. Robert, the father went to get interviewed for the job, fortunately he was accepted and started working immediately, his wife and his child had been so worry about him because it was late and he didn't return home, they thought something bad had happened to him but it wasn't like that. At night Robert gets back home bringing good news, telling them that he had been hired and had started working right in that moment, so it made them really happy and Robert, the father decided to send Richard to a good school. The time arrived when Richard had to go to school, he didn't expect that he was going to meet bad and bully friends and that he was going to be treated badly by their new classmates. Fortunately he run into George, he turned out to be one of his classmates, that was really a surprise for Richard. Since then they spent most of the time at school together and even out from school, but the bully ones were always in charge of making his life miserable, they made fun of him, they threatened him to leave that school because they said that he didn't deserve to be studying in that school, they always made him feel less than them, they insulted him, they were always acting up at school and used to make Richard responsible of every single bad move that they did. Richard only stayed quiet and didn't say anything to prove his innocence, so George couldn't stand it and tried to defend him but he was hit by the bad boys. He was as humble as Richard, but didn't like people to be mistreated. He was always encouraging Richard, he didn't want him to feel sad about the bad treatment that he often received. George was always by his side teaching him to face every single obstacle that was supposed to come. As long as time was passing by George's appearance was changing, his skin color was turning pale more every time that's when he stopped attending school and Richard started to miss him very much, he ignored that George was very sick in bed until somebody told him, so in the way out from school he rushed to George's house and found out that what he was told, was true. George spent three months lying in bed until he died because of a mortal illness from the heart. This impacted Richard, it was really painful for him to realize that the only good friend who always was by his side, who taught him how to face difficult and overwhelming obstacles, who was with him any time he needed a friend was gone. He couldn't avoid showing the immense and intense sorrow that he was feeling at that time. George actually had been the first, the best and the most sincere buddy that he ever had. After that he didn't want to go to school anymore because the death of his friend hit him deeply, he thought that if he went to school, he only was going to find a group of enemies that want to hurt ad treat him badly and not the good and kind friend that he ever met. When he went to bed at night he dreamt of George, he heard him saying that he has to keep attending school and try to ignore the bully ones and if he didn't do it he would disappoint him and throw everything he taught him away. When Richard woke up he was in a really good mood to go to school because he realized that the mistreatment and the insults that he received was nothing in comparison with the big hit that he received when his friend died. Since then he kept in mind the good values, the good things that George taught him and this encourage him to keep struggling and overcome any adversity and to never give up as only cowards do. That's when Richard learnt to be brave and mature, he was realizing how hard life can be outside home, how many obstacles a person has to experience to know how to face them. Richard was really grateful to George who taught him to be courageous under any circumstances, Richard at last could be able to talk, laugh and run without any fear from the bully classmates, he understood that no matter where a person comes from, if town or a very poor village, he does not have to let others mistreat or insult him because the most important is the good values and feelings that a person has. In fact this new behavior of Richard really amazed his parents; they felt a good excitement about knowing that his child had become a mature boy at a short age. They didn't expect that coming to the city their lives were going to change completely for their best. They are really grateful to god for having blessed them like this and now the three of them live very happy and hope this happiness never ends.
   

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    Nicely done. Very well written. Cool