The wonder birth

Story written by Dnavarre on Friday 28, November 2008

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Description
An old visual written out

Overall Rating: 89.2%

This writing has been rated by 2 members, resulting in a rating of 89.2% overall. Below is a breakdown of these results:

Concept/Plot:90%
Imagery:91%
Spelling & Grammar:86%
Flow/Rhythm:90%
Vocabulary:89%
The white egg was completely round, unlike most other eggs in the world that were elliptical. It sat in the dead center of a nest of twigs, twine, and other small objects that would loop or connect to another. The egg's mother had left earlier, knowing the time for the baby to emerge was near. Food was not needed for this baby. They were not born too often and they did not need any nourishment, only love and protection were needed for their future to be decided. This baby was special, like every other baby on the planet. On any planet. The egg shook in the nest, spreading and shaking it in it's tree. The tree was bare. It was a long stick from the ground that ended in a tripod where the nest sat. The tree was placed among others, at least twenty ran along the land. Grass spread about, different shades placed everywhere naturally. A few real trees with leaves and limbs sat in the land, emerging victorious as beauty surpassed by the eggs in their nests. But beauty was everywhere, but there was nobody there to admire it. Just as there should be. If the beauty would be admired and loved the love would die and the beauty forgotten and trodden in the dust. Now only written memories of this place existed. And nobody would stumble upon this place for many centuries, when it was time and all the beauty was gone and forged in a new place where beauty has been forgotten. The egg shook again and started to roll towards the edge of the nest. It reached the side and turned. It started to roll around the nest silently, being sucked into the middle once more. It eventually slowed, it's energy drained, and stopped in the middle. Then it shook again, the nest trembling. A circular crack popped up at the top of the egg. The crack spread down in three directions, falling between the tripod-tree's three ends.And the egg fell open. The creature inside spread her wings wide open and shot upwards, a smile on her face. The angel floated in the air, free of the egg. Her large feathered wings beat steadily, sending wind down and rolling around her light blue dress that covered her body and ended at her ankles. Her bare feet drooped downwards. Her crystal-blue eyes were closed as she bathed in the sunlight. She let the wind stirred by her wings whip around her and lift her brown hair. With a bounce it fell back, revealing blond highlights and blowing a few strands over one of her eyes. She opened her eyes, letting their blue glow dim while she lightly brushed the hair away. She continued to smile and ascended to find her father. She wouldn't search long, God watches over his angels just as he does the rest of the universe. And that's exactly what she was, an angel. She broke through a cloud, her wings not needed for flight. She looked down with a smile as the other eggs began to crack and the rays of sunlight bathe the rest of the beauty.
   

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Comments

    i love the imagery here, and the feeling of ethereal radiance the text evokes for me.
    A slight grammatical cleanup is needed, but that's all.
    beautiful.
    Do more of this.
    Liked the angel/birth connection.
    Ask any parent.
    Good stuff.