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A feed of the latest writings posted to The Den.

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Maybe

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It's my first attempt to write, just trying to express myself
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Member Avatar Type: Story
I was just playing around and it kind of came to me. It's not the beginning nor is it the end. I haven't really planned their names yet either. It's the very first draft, so it hasn't been edited yet. hope you enjoy. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Member Avatar Type: Critical Review
In alphabetical order, here is my list of favourite films this year, so far (Among the ones I was able to see):
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The fury of a storm
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This is the beginning of my first-ever story. I write in my native language (German), then translate to English, so I'm especially grateful for critique concerning phrasing and grammar. The general story idea is about a girl with a certain past learning about human interactions.
Member Avatar Type: Story
Use caution when reading between the lines
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Smile pretty

Member Avatar Type: Poem
Old school thinking that women should be seen and not heard

  • Additional Posts
  • Unwritten
  • Karma Comedian
  • Paper Moon
  • Member Avatar Type: Story
    A short story based on a recent dream.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    .....................................................
    Member Avatar Type: Romance Story
    Being the Reaper is a difficult, and emotionally taxing job. Most who bare it’s mantle quickly find that it’s easier to dissociate oneself from those that you reap, lest you be driven insane by despair. The current Reaper has learned from the past not to get attached, but when Yuno Sasaki, a young man Slated to die soon, is found to have an absolutely pure soul, She finds herself inexplicably drawn to him.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    The hardest part of adopting a new profession is getting started
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    Field

    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    A brief poem inspired by my time in Afghanistan
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    This chapter reveals a series of letters between Nate and Mickey's mother in Amsterdam and their uncle in London where they spend their summer holidays just before Britain declares war on Germany.
    Member Avatar Type: Stage Play
    "One day I'm gonna make it out of here, just you wait," She took another sip of her soda, "I'll find a place in the village just out of town and settle, be a writer or some shit. Find a cottage and live in peace, away from the bastards that make mine and yours and Otis's and Hayley's lives all hell,"
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    My initial dabbling with poetry composition (very brief)
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    shrug
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ....................................................
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    The teacher, on his way to a meeting with the school principal and student, reads an old war journal of his during the final days of the war.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    Madeline Weller was the girl everyone in Thorndon Town wanted to be, but her secrets might have been what led to her sudden disappearance. Her mysterious disappearce pulls Lily into a whirlwind of lies, secrets and dangerous tales in hopes of finding her best friend whilst keeping herself alive in the process.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    After the "incident"with his student Jakob, Ian McCloud finds himself with the added troubles of domestic life.
    Member Avatar Type: Fantasy
    chapter 3 in my attempt at a cultivation novel
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    In the opening chapter of the novel we meet Jakob Okker, named after his grandfather, who along with his grandmother and aunts, had perished at Sobibor, the Nazi death camp. He is the son of Nathan, who with his uncle Mickey, are the two main protagonists in the novel. We find a troubled Jakob in a Toronto high school classroom 17 years after the brothers emigrated to Canada following the war. Many people view Canada as a very welcoming country, known for its liberal immigration policies and ethnic diversity, especially Toronto which today is arguably the most ethnic diverse city in the world with visible minorities now greater than half of the population. But as the chapter reveals, it wasn't alway so, particularly during the two or three decades following the end of WW2. It is particularly relevant in today's increasing climate of racism and xenophobia--a sober reminder that hate can still rear its ugly head even after the lessons supposedly learned from the last war. The fact I am submitting it now, as the midterm elections results are just a few hours away, is no coincidence!
    Member Avatar Type: Fantasy
    the second chapter of my attempt at a cultivation novel

  • Additional Posts
  • my world after doomsday? chapter 1
  • Member Avatar Type: Sci-Fi Story
    About a Sci-Fi Story
    Member Avatar Type: Romance Story
    Mindgames, my collection of deja-vu flashes
    Member Avatar Type: Prose
    Another fictional letter.

  • Additional Posts
  • "I don't wanna die...
  • Member Avatar Type: Poem
    Being constantly harassed and falsely accused
    Member Avatar Type: Sci-Fi Story
    Loyalty is relative
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    This historical novel chronicles the lives of the Okkers, a Dutch Jewish family living in Amsterdam who get caught up in the struggles and horrors of World War Two and the Nazi occupation. The novel meanders chronologically through time and place, including events in Amsterdam, Vienna, Danzig, and Toronto. The story reveals itself through the journals, diaries, and narrative of those experiencing the hardships and horrors of war and the emotional and physical collateral damage. I have randomly chosen this chapter for critique.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
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    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    The hardships she must endure to provide for her family
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    She sings by night
    Member Avatar Type: Fan Fiction
    A bit of fan fiction, based on Frank Herbert's "Dune" novels.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    testing testing testing
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    A short conversation with my long sleeping imagination
    Member Avatar Type: Romance Story
    3 pages of a light hearted romance. Constructive criticism is most welcome.
    Member Avatar Type: Sci-Fi Story
    In space, you make do with what's available
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    A semi-autobiographical account of my childhood with aunt.
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    My Little Angel

    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    My daughter's mischievous ways at a young age

  • Additional Posts
  • My Son
  • Member Avatar Type: Prose
    Realizing I'm at least at half time of my life
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    A lunch break ponder - written in rhymes.
    Member Avatar Type: Fantasy
    This is my first writing for this website. It is a short story that I originally wrote for school, but would like to receive feedback for it to improve my writing.
    Member Avatar Type: Fantasy
    Prologue to a story I have been writing. First time writer and just wanted some feedback.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    my expression of catharsis
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    short poem
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    .................................................

  • Additional Posts
  • When Mansur said...
  • Tripoli, Libya November 17, 1986
  • This poem is a new poem...
  • There are those who force us to...
  • The Trouble with Shoelaces
  • The Landlord
  • The gleaners and I...
  • The city had...
  • The belch of Friday has...
  • Summer Solstice
  • Ringo Starr sez...
  • Palinode
  • My moustaches...
  • My five-year-old daughter wants to see the snow for the first time...
  • An idiom is a funny thing...
  • I, Mabrouka
  • I write in English...
  • I shall find me almond runaways...
  • I neither sing the body electric nor do I stand by my atlal,
  • I felt relieved...
  • I dreamt my mother was...
  • I came out of the shower chamber at midday,
  • I am a woman...
  • History is here fancied...
  • From the beginning,
  • Fortune
  • Climb to the nearest crawling cloud and,
  • Certain wisemen...
  • Bodays (Bodies, in posh accent)
  • Bayda, Libya December 11, 2006
  • Aubade
  • All of a sudden, I'm down.
  • A wingless hummingbird is floating outside;
  • On bed I was recalling when...
  • Music Road
  • In Praise of Meine Augenbrauen
  • East London, England September 10, 1916
  • If I died...
  • In the crowded room/
  • What's on your mind?
  • My old(er) brother...
  • Episteme
  • Do you remember when we spoke of people we'd miss?
  • Assalamu Alaikum.
  • Where Do I Start?
  • You, who's reading me now...
  • Waste
  • Shades
  • So it goes like this...
  • Kant and I (A Long Short Story)
  • Microcosm
  • Moments
  • Vicinity
  • Trees and Homes II
  • Trees and Homes
  • Bark
  • Letter to the Child I Have Never Semened
  • Of Nothing in Particular Or, A Self-Portrait
  • y Weekend in Tripoli II A Self-Portrait (Oh, OK)
  • My Weekend in Tripoli (Arabic Music and a Failed Meeting)
  • Hosni's Book
  • Ebdewi
  • In Memory of Saad V
  • In Memory of Saad IV
  • In Memory of Saad III
  • In Memory of Saad II
  • In Memory of Saad I
  • Member Avatar Type: Story
    There are good and bad ways to survive city living.
    Read

    Seasons

    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    A short poem about the seasons and their connections

  • Additional Posts
  • If
  • Member Avatar Type: Poem
    Something short and heartfelt

    A feed of the latest comments on The Den.

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    Saad I gotta be honest with you. I have read your poem few times already but I still don't understand it. I am probably not sensitive enough to get your message. Could you expand or explain it?

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    Welcome, AKHR. Kudos, but no letting errors slide, for writing in 2nd (or 3rd or ??) language. Note that I write and comment based on S.E. (Simplified English: Routh's term for the US and, strangely, Israeli bastardized version of our almost common language) and I am unfamiliar with some peculiarities and aberrations of P.E. (Primitive English, my label for the UK/CAN/AUS version). If you intend significant P.E. readership and I indicate as an error or less desirable choice in wording or punctuation that which is actually correct or preferred in P.E., then I stand corrected and you should ignore that comment.

    '... cause [an] unpleasant scramble.' or '... cause unpleasant scrambling.'
    'Even though I was... above, but that... legwear.' "Even though" or "but" s/b omitted: as written, this is 2 dependent clauses
    'I deemed it to be okay.' "deemed" is overly formal for your style
    'I dyed them...' "it" or "mine" not them: S.E. rules for plural nouns are messed up. Basically, if the noun acts/is acted upon as a unit, it is treated as singular; if not, then as plural. Correctly one should say, "The audience applauds as it rises in a standing ovation and then they leave or return to their seats for intermission." However, hardly anybody follows those rules and the noun is usually treated as singular unless it is disruptive.
    'I could tell them something...' "them" still seems to be referring to "hair"
    ... from Finland[.]"
    '... this meant: only two...' : unnecessary
    '... she continued talking:' , preferred over : here
    '... like[,] "Nice to meet you: I hope we'll become good friends," and...'
    '... sorting them out.' "it" not "them"

    In normal text ellipses can be effective, but only when used very sparingly. I over use them also.
    You should attribute the 'White Coats' quotes.

    Quite an interesting opening. Basically very well written despite a few syntax errors, but only a few by type and all easily corrected. Schreib weiter!

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    Overdue welcome, Tee. Since your profile indicates Canadian, I assume you write for a P.E. audience. Note that I write and comment based on S.E. (Simplified English: Routh's term for the US and, strangely, Israeli bastardized version of our almost common language) and I am unfamiliar with some peculiarities and aberrations of P.E. (Primitive English, my label for the UK/CAN/AUS version). If I indicate as an error or less desirable choice in wording or punctuation that which is actually correct or preferred in P.E., then I stand corrected and you should ignore that comment unless you intend significant P.E. readership.

    "He couldn’t breathe... himself, why couldn’t..." comma splice; in next sentence as well
    Normally, a , shouldn't join 2 clauses that can stand alone as valid sentences. Either:
    1) make them separate sentences
    2) use a conjunction or connecting word ("and" "or" etc.) between them
    3) use different punctuation, as : or : or even (as possibly in 1st instance here) --
    (there are several comma splices herein)
    "alright" is formally considered not a valid S.E. word, although it is ever more commonly used
    '... speak with you[,]” the nurse calmly said.'
    ... with the nurse. “ we really... may receive” ... with the nurse, “We really... may receive.”
    “When can I see her[,] Doc?”
    '... someone he loved as much as he loved his wife.' grammatically, each "he" refers to the doctor
    '... her husband. I will allow...' '... her husband, I will allow...' 1st clause isn't a sentence
    “I’d also like... further notice” “I’d also like... further notice.” who speaks here?
    'He agreed with his boss 100%.' where did whose boss come from?
    "But he’d... boss, the man... handling it, all... his wife." 2 comma splices joining 3 sentences
    "He’d also never get how..." forget?
    'it was too dark,' 'It was too dark,' 2 places

    An interesting vignette, but it is unkind to arouse interest and then not do anything with it. Well written despite a lot of easily-corrected syntax errors.

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    Good writing (even if it isn't poetry in my book) and enjoyable as usual. A few rough spots: read aloud the melody fails in some places.
    "and bless" s/b "to bless" or "and blesses" maybe? (1st fits rhythm better: this stanza actually poetic!)
    Write on!

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    Smile

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    Yes, man!

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    The "Digital Age"

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    Trying. Smile

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    Grin

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    Me as well. A most delicious nut.

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    Curious. Since I have read this, that makes me your reader. Yes?

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    lol However, in this day and age, your pictures should not require nitrates. They should be digital. Cool

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    Excellent. Very well written and presented. Nicely done.

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    Put some punctuation in this writing and you have some song lyrics, I believe.Cool

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    You need some punctuation to help out the reader.

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    I agree with Alex. Some punctuation would help a great deal with timing and pace.

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    "irredentist" ? I think you mean iridescent. Who wants to have your teeth worked on by an irredentist? Cool

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    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story!

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    Very well written and nicely presented. The folly of war. Good job.

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    An interesting observation. You could expand this a bit if it suits your whim.

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    Well, this is a good prologue. Let's see what follows.

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    lol Nicely done. A good twist with the double-dealing.

    kt6550 commented on Field

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    Quite good imagery here.
    Also, very sad.

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    This is unusual and quite good. You are presenting the history through letters, and it is quite well done. There is just enough apprehension, but it is dulled by the joy of the adoption. These people have no idea the storm is about to break in September.

    One caveat: These chapters are long. I would break them apart.

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    '... a[n] unfinished thought...'
    'Or a[n] idea...'
    '... not a[n] unfinished...'
    'Not a[n] exaggeration...'
    Good message, pretty good presentation. Some rough spots out loud. Rhyming erratic.

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    "10" Generally, small numbers should be spelled out unless in direct title or quote
    "Earth's" Planet capitalized; dirt not
    "it’s" should be "its"
    "I've"
    Pretty good rendering of a funny incident, although I was expecting to learn what foul deed the narrator had done (presumably involving someone else's hair) to deserve Karma's payback. A little punctuation would help. Write on.

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    "lost" maybe?
    "It’s" is contraction of "It is" while "Its" is the possessive pronoun with no '
    "scarcely"
    I like rhyming poetry but maybe you had to reach too hard for some of these rhymes.

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    Hello back at you and welcome to the Den, Noey. My standard poetry disclaimer: I'm rather old fashioned when it comes to poetry: I actually favor Poe, Marvel, Coleridge, Wilde, and the Roberts Frost and Service, to give you some idea. To me, even free verse should have a flow and rhythm when read aloud to distinguish it from spoken prose. When reading a poem, you should almost hear the music that would make it a song. And, while poetic license allows some deviations from proper language, there are limits. Keep my dinosaur views in mind when considering my comments.
    Punctuation, while frequently erratic in modern 'poetry' is still necessary to clarify and smooth the flow.
    A large handful of commas and a couple of periods and other marks would help.
    Shift from 1st person narrator to her partner's direct quotes would be clearer if the latter were in "..."
    Read aloud, there are some rough spots but relatively few.
    The message comes through. I've heard there are women of this ilk but fortunately, I've never had to interact with any. Not my kind of poem in form, but that's probably a complement these days.

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    Borst, an excellently written piece illustrating the cruel foolishness of what seems to have been mankind's primary interaction with 'others' since... well, since there were others and mankind. The message brought to mind the song 'Where have all the flowers gone?' and the continuing possibility that we will erase ourselves for no rational reason. Well done. Write on.

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    Welcome, Hat. Good to finally hear from you. Typos in the description seem to be the rage lately. No ' in "its" when possessive pronoun, only when contraction of "it is"
    The text just before an opening " should end with punctuation, probably a , here in 4 places. Double ending punctuation characters seldom work: !! ?! etc. An ellipsis is 4 dots only when it includes a period, and it is usually followed by a space. The word "none" needs a . before the " Direct quotes from different speakers should usually be in separate paragraphs: here most writers use double spacing to indicate a new paragraph.

    Could be a good start to an interesting story but there's not enough to determine that yet. I'm unfamiliar with Aoteru so I probably missed something in what I presume is fan fiction. Write on.

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    Yes; a van-dyke beard. Smile

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    This is pure fiction, my friend. But yea, I would've done "some serious soul-searching."

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    Mike, continuing comments re: rare and highly localized words causing possible disruption.
    Generally, direct quotes from separate speakers belong in separate paragraphs; when "..." indicates direct quotes then '...' or underlining or both usually indicate thoughts and self-speak.
    Lot of places where the antecedent of a pronoun -- especially "he/him" & "it" -- is unclear.
    A punctuation combo again triggered the Den's word processor to insert a smiley face.

    '... searing memories... POW camp... which... would turn septic,' memories or camp turn septic?
    'lah-di-dah' never ran across this before as smoking item -- local colloquialism?
    '... shop there.["] Last time I looked the place was empty."'
    '... when Judith and him...' "he" not "him" as one subject of verb "walked"
    '... little girls were now students and grown women attending McGill University...' "students" redundant
    ["]How's the beak?"

    Basically well written and you've maintained a consistent tone so far. Curious: the chapter numbers in the titles -- are there intervening chapters or are these the numbers after you divide postings into appropriate lengths? Write on.

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    Damn, Borst, I hate to copy anyone else's comment, but powerful is the best description for this. Not sure how to classify it: it isn't a poem in my dinosaur view, and it's hardly a story. Free verse is an oxymoron: verse implies pattern and order; free just the opposite. It really seems like an epitaph, for lost comrades and for the whole human race. Regardless of what it's called, it certainly is a powerful, terrible piece.
    Thanks for your service. Sorry for the burden you and so many others carry from that service. Hope writing about it lightens your load a bit.

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    Hey Mike, what comma? I don't see any comma before the "ten" in the last paragraph.
    Seriously, thanks for the comment and especially the correction. It is one of the mysteries of the universe why it is so much easier to spot errors in other people's work than my own. As far as double spacing: that started because the Den's text processor used to eliminate white space and tabs, so indents indicating a new paragraph disappeared. Double spacing solved that and should be unnecessary now that the text processor has been fixed (in that regard only); However, several Denizens still prefer the double spacing with or without indents, and I agree and usually comply. I was interrupted while posting this before I could add the double spaces (I don't use them in the original) and for that I apologize.
    Thanks again. Write on.

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    Very good satirical story. Excellent dialogue and character development. Enjoyed it. Minor note: last paragraph comma after "ten" not needed. Also double spacing between paragraphs would make it easier on the reader's eye.

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    Very powerful poem! In short verse describes the agony of war superbly! I assume you served in Afganistan--thank you for your service. My thoughts and prayers go out to the three soldiers killed today and the two awhile ago.

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    Enjoyed the Poem. The imagery is really good. Please submit some more!

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    Rather interesting options

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    An appropriate final chapter. Cool

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    Oh, my! What a slap in the face to Oxford!

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    lmao. These get better with each installment!

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    lol Those poor tourists!

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    Ouch! That had to hurt!

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    lol! Very good!

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    I'm old, but I really cannot see where this is going. Can you help me out?

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    Yes, it is very brief. Are you describing a black hole?

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    Very sad and tragic. I hope it is not autobiographical.

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    lol. And to hell with working out!

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    kerfuffles - Would this word be used in a WWII journal?
    weeped - No, wept.

    That said, very well written. Excellent job.

    A feed of the latest discussions on The Den.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    With the recent post flood that the site saw, I was made aware of some incorrect expectations of what specific pages are intended to be used for, and reminded of some of the issues on this version of the site.

    Firstly, the intended place to see the latest posts is the 'Latest Activity Feed', now featured with the link 'Latest Activity' in the main menu to clarify it's use. This view shows the latest 50 posts or more, and will concatenate multiple posts by one user to a single entry. This is the best and only place you should be using to 'catch up' from your last visit.

    The 'Newest' page in the Writings Archive (now renamed to Library) has been renamed to 'Newest to Oldest'. This page is a chronological archive view for searching through all posts by date, and it is not intended for users to use to catch up on posts. As such, post concatenation will never be used here. Not to mention that post concatenation is largely incompatible with pagination, and to try and do both cleanly and without error would make for a very slow page.

    Now, on the topic of the post flood, which has been discussed before here. The new version of the site will introduce the Karma system, which will be a point based system that will give users points for commenting, posting forum posts and rating writings, and deduct points for posting writings. New users will start with enough points for 2 posts, and old users will earn a score based on their history. This is intended to solve the biggest issue The Den faces in the 'social' era of the Internet, where users have become rather anti-social and post content expecting comments without participating on the site by doing so themselves. To be clear though, if a user has enough posts to post 30 writings at once, the Karma system will not prevent this, and never will. This will be handled via post concatenation in the feeds, which will prevent other users posts from being pushed off the feeds by mass posting. The Library pages however will never concatenate posts.

    Version 5 will also introduce the concept of 'following' a writer. So if you want to ensure you never miss posts by your favourite writers, you will be able to follow them and you will have a dedicated 'following' feed to just these users posts and activity.

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    Forum: Announcements

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    Update:

    I stand corrected, gender was part of v4 and not v3, and v3 did allow me to remove birthdate. So that field and all it's data have been removed from user profiles and the database.

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    Forum: Help and Support

    Last post on thread was by Fictitiously imaginative:

    Hey.....just joined the site......cud u pls help me find the 'Submit Writing' option...... can't really find it

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Loothier:

    About ten, maybe even fifteen years ago, when the Internet was still young, I chanced upon an amateur author's website. I spent many nights reading his stories about the ever-diminishing possibilities of science caused by more-dimensional beings squeezed into our world, and the immortal lady (created accidentally in some scientific experiment) struggling to keep the human race alive through the eons, storing knowledge in the roughest form possible as the universe kept loosing detail. Another story was about superheroes that got exponentially more powerful, and more deranged, each time a new one was turned, and the previous people who tried to stop the next ones. Around the tragic time I lost the bookmark, he was writing about magic (which worked like programming with math inside the mind) used to engineer some parts in a space shuttle that exploded. His website had yellow text on a dark gray blue background, if I remember correctly. He did occasional rant posts on science and programming subjects too.

    I would very much like to read those stories again. Does someone on this forum know the author or his website? Or a better place to ask?

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    Forum: The Editor's Desk

    Last post on thread was by chancematthews01:

    I am a new amateur writer. I have book one already posted. I would really like help with editing. Do a Search for "Chi Warrior Saga - Book 1"

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Phillip Cain:

    Hello all. Subject is pretty straight forward. I have been considering a switch in majors at my local community college into creative writing or something close to it (not even fully aware of my options yet to be honest), but I would like to know how it happened for you. Was it an epiphany moment, something you fell into, or something that was always present in you.

    edit: it really labels me an ink virgin lol, what a knee slapper

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

    Now that's a proper critique and hard, fair and good advice.

    The one draw back for me about E-books, Kindle & such is that 'anyone' can publish. For example there's a guy who puts out fabulous, professional covers and calls himself Stephen King. The type face is even similar, very much similar, in-fact. But he is not the Stephen King. a fact that is painfully evident once you start suffering......I mean reading.

    There are also some excellent stories and ideas but the writing is not to the standard you would expect.

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    Forum: Help and Support

    Last post on thread was by ChristianDudette:

    Hi, Could someone manually do my avatar too? It doesn't seem to be loading either. Thanks.

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    Forum: Help and Support

    Last post on thread was by Kore-rupt Kay-os:

    How do I post my writing?

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    Forum: Help and Support

    Last post on thread was by Nurwanti:

    I also have the same question, thanks for asking

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    Forum: Songwriter's Studio

    Last post on thread was by Nurwanti:

    lol worth to try Grin

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    Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    This should not be an issue anymore.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    This short post has some quick and easy ways to improve your writing.

    https://medium.com/an-idea-for-you/the-two-minutes-it-takes-to-read-this-will-improve-your-writing-forever-82a7d01441d1#.vr45txmxo

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    Forum: Off Topics

    Last post on thread was by SirSludge:

    It's been years and now it's back
    we got the counting in the sack

    Now in this fort
    there is a court
    but you do not sue
    because it's 22!
    .
    .
    .
    No, that's not right!
    The numbers aren't tight
    I don't want to be a bore,
    but I tell you, it's 54!

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    Forget original. The last original idea was Jules Verne.

    Write what you want. Write it as well as you can. If you post it, someone will read and comment. It sometimes takes a week or so. You will get the unvarnished truth. There's certain rules that never change in writing. Opinions as to the story or whatever you write is just an opinion. Never, never take it personally. Personal stuff will be deleted.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    If the narrator is unable to hear it you can't tell it. Write the one side to be obvious in what is being said.

    "You were hit by a rock?"
    "Twenty-two stitches! Wow!"

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    I don't know where to start answering this question.

    Look around the net for basic writing. That's a start.

    I would skip that and write. The primary thing is to tell a story. Don't try to tell it like anyone but yourself. Don't rush things. Writing takes time. read your own words as you start each writing session. Keep the pace even.

    Check your spelling. Check your grammar. Read it out loud. Does it sound right?

    Don't look too far ahead unless you have an outline of what you want to achieve.

    There are other things to do but this is a start.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by trubolotta:

    Just a few suggestions from someone who has done a lot of technical writing but now wants to do SciFi writing.

    1. 1. Set up a crib sheet of people (or entities), places and things with descriptions to help you be consistent throughout the story. You don't have to reveal all detail at one time, but being consistent over a period of time helps readers.
    2. 2. I write a plot outline and sometimes three, four or five. Some interconnect, some do not. Some I dump and some I polish. It doesn't take long and can be very generalized using your own brand of shorthand.
    3. 3. Work your chapters. I'll rewrite, chop and mince a chapter as much as necessary until it reads and fits the way I want it to read and fit. I've even scrapped entire chapters, salvaging only a few good parts and dropping the rest.
    4. 4. Ideas sheet - its a document I always keep to paste in ideas I think were good but just in the wrong place in the story.
    5. 5. Finally, don't take my word for it. I'm brand new at fiction writing and I'm sure more experienced writers can give you good advice.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    I will hopefully have this implemented before too long along with a new version of the site. It's currently a work in progress, about halfway done.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:

    There have been some in the past and some that dabble in a little bit of everything.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Demonic:

    I'd love to check it out. I'm kind of in the same boat as you, writing a story but don't have all of it worked out yet. I'll have to check out chapter one. Smile

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Kholm:

    I read once that military folk are somewhere around 90% more likely to smoke then non military. Now don't mistake that for 90% of military people smoke, but there are a lot who do.

    Sometimes there is more to smoking than just the physical effects or the buzz it gives you. As military, I can tell you that the social aspect of smoking (at least in military settings) is something that is very important. Its quite a tradeoff, your health for an abundance of rumours and information. The smoke deck is one of the most useful places to obtain information between divisions and get group collaberations.

    Non smokers actually look to the smokers to see if they can "get any information on the smokedeck." While much of it is rumor, the senior smokers are pretty good at weeding out nonsense.

    Now, enough of the specific social aspect that makes it seem acceptable to me.

    Smoking is bad. Bad bad bad bad. There are tons of cancer causing bits, killing you slowly bits, and bits of well smoke. That crap doesnt need to be in your lungs one bit. But hey, its enjoyable to some extent. It does give you a little buzz, and it does fire off little feel goods in your brain. I am no scientest or doctor so I wont pretend to know what does what or why it is addictive.

    It can be a money dump, health dump and give you chronically bad breath.

    But for every evil, you just have to know how to properly keep yourself. If you smoke, maybe you should make sure to jog every day, brush your teeth twice as long, and eat a bit healthier. I know I do to try and offset the habit. plus I have to be in tip top shape for most of what I do.

    Smoking all comes down to where you are, who you are and how you choose to do it. Hell, it might be a cop-out as some people say when life gets a bit too stressful, but here I am in japan, right after a huge mess. I'm alive, and I've been working 14 hours a day to restore power to several buildings, and helping people in wreckage. Its hard, I'm stressed, and I'll be damned if you tell me I can't have a cig. Wink

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

    Ah, but I'll bet you were only 6 when you invented this word-fuelled Porsche of a site. in many ways, Chris, I liken you to Matthew Broderick in the movie 'War Games'. Y'know, when he hacks the USA's national defence system and gets to ask Stephen Hawking's 'Speak & Spell' for a game of Thermo Nuclear War? No?
    Ah, well, maybe there is too much 80's in this reply, even for you.
    But, seriously, Chris, a great achievement, my friend: standards high, membership big and not to mention the atmosphere this place generates.
    Here's to 19 more.

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    Forum: Storyteller's Fire

    Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:

    I'm sure this is a large response, but I'm new here having just joined. I'd have to agree with the comments I've read however. As you write and go back over things you have previously written, you'll reorganize certain things, edit some things out, and change as you go. Don't worry about surviving chapters early on. Write some, then go back and reread it after a little time. You'll find the appropriate pauses to divide into chapters then. I wrote nearly 15,000 words within 3 chapters. Then when I went back a few days later while typing it from my writing, I realized one chapter could actually be two separate ones.

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    Forum: Storyteller's Fire

    Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:

    So I'm writing a historical fiction that takes place during world war 2. It follows the younger of two brothers throughout the war during his search for his older brother that was shot down over Europe. The younger enlists several months after his older brother, just after pearl harbor. He gets sent to the Pacific where he is wounded, then he volunteers for the rangers after he learns of his brother being a pow. My question is, should I add a love interest in the younger brothers life? I have added a way to do so if I choose to, but not sure how to follow. He has just finished his ranger training and is home on leave before being sent to England.

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    Forum: Announcements

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    Stage 1 of this update, deploying SSL has been completed. All pages should show secure in your browsers and Chrome should report that it is using a "modern cipher suite".

    I believe I have found all instances of "mixed insecure content" which usually means an image is being loaded with HTTP instead of HTTPS. I may have missed one or two. Please notify me if you find any by replying to this post.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    You're in the right place. Any genre works here.
    As for critiques, the ones you get won't be- That's nice. It might be - That's nice because. There may be a but there too.
    You also will get critiqued on grammar and spelling. You will know if your plot makes sense, not if it's any good; that's up to you.
    To sum up- yea, this is the right place.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

    Mr Cushions, please receive my cyber hug along with a massive apology for such a delayed reply.
    I myself am fine and hoping that you and yours are in a similar fettle.
    Time is a meagre mistress at the moment and, would you believe, I have written nothing (accept cheques) since this post; lots of family stuff going on . My mam, though not ill, isn't in the best of conditions physically and requires a lot more help than just twelve months ago. Stick that in the pot with a new management regime at work, allow to simmer for twelve months and out comes the best time/stress sandwich you could ever hope to feast upon. At last count the number of unpaid, extra, hours I have bagged at my place of employ totals three weeks. Blimey, with 21 days of uninterrupted writing I could have finished 'the herrings' and cornered the weird/slightly uncomfortable comedy market.
    But enough that, onward and upwards as pompous, upper class knobs like to say.
    Many thanks for your response to my "Sir Terry" post. I really was gutted at his passing. But since we have our very own 'Savage Pratchet' here on the den, his style (unwittingly echoed by your talented self) shall live on.
    As for the election, you were right, Mr Cushions. the herrings were secreting a few creative juices. However, I have been unable to absorb and act upon them because of said time constraints. having said that David Macaroon has enjoyed a few scribbled notes upon the back of work memos and wage slips. Though I call him David Car Moron, since he obviously a cap driver since we never see him........driving.
    Blimey, this is the longest time I've spent on the den all year.
    Merry Christmas, savage. I hope you and yours have an excellent one and enjoy a fantastic new year.

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    Forum: The Editor's Desk

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    You are using the italics as thoughts. No punctuation is needed or correct.
    How am I alive? This is correct.

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    Forum: Storyteller's Fire

    Last post on thread was by hobie roberts:

    hey so i got an idea for a short story series and i kinda need help with like cover designs and stuff. my idea is for it to be a zombie book, but like through the zombies eyes, ive been thinking about it for a while and finally got some ideas for the actual plot of it, if any one would like to help with it ill give you my Skype, mostly i really need some one who can draw zombies pretty good for a cover of it, ill be printing it at my sisters work and making like short story's, plus my local book store said if they like it they can start to maby promote it there, ill also have it online to.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    Found this on Google+ today. Its worth reading and putting into practice.

    lh6.googleusercontent.com/-yJbinKsvtBY/VeloUk4lsDI/AAAAAAAAmCQ/S1t3xbMOp_k/w636-h641-no/dhw-provost.png

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by mcglone:

    Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.

    I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.

    So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!

    I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.

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    Forum: The Editor's Desk

    Last post on thread was by mcglone:

    Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.

    I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.

    So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!

    I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.

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    Forum: The Editor's Desk

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    Heads up for those of you publishing to Amazon. Amazon is looking to change their pay model so you only get paid for pages read.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology...-read.html

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    Forum: The Editor's Desk

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    Gay lit sells well at Amazon.

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    Forum: Help and Support

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    Hi,

    The Den suffered a data loss in December. All writings and user accounts created after 2011 were lost.

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    Forum: Storyteller's Fire

    Last post on thread was by Vollkrasser:

    Hi,

    I made a script/plot for new cases in the traditional style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle"™s stories of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. That script is the basis for a non-commercial online adventure game version.

    The first previews of the game are"¦

    ...here in video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGY4thv8wG0

    ...here pics with the final lightning, scroll down in the forum, the last post on page 1 forum

    ...here is the first scene playable online (graphics there are just placeholdeers and will be replaced):
    http://textadventures.co.uk/games/vie...n-of-sheba

    The game ought to be in British English, best would be the old Victorian style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I"™m not a native English speaker, and it would be a sacrilege to have even the slightest foreign accent for this. That would be German in my case, which is reserved for the villains already ;-)

    So I"™m looking for a writer, who would like to take part in this project for free as I also do.
    The workflow would be that he/she starts from my bad English script and writes a nice round story out of it that can then be the novel part of the adventure. Think of it as a bit like Dr. Watson did with the bare facts of Holmes: he made entertaining and exciting stories out of it. It would be similar with our cooperation for the adventure.

    Best would be if the writer speaks a bit german, but it"™s not a must.
    The final game will be free and online playable by everybody even without registration on the above platform.

    The game is afoot!

    If youre interested, just contact me via e-mail, which is described in 2 parts (to avoid-auto spam crawlers):
    the first part is
    reinarassa
    the second part is
    @googlemail.com
    combine the two and you have the valid e-mail.

    Best regards from germany/Bavaria!

    Vollkrasser

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    Forum: The Editor's Desk

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    This latest question should be posted into a new topic. Please use one thread per topic. Multiple topics in one thread is too difficult for people to follow and destroys a thread.

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    Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    NovaCops writing has been fixed.

    Thats all the reported work for now, please report any others.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

    This sounds like you want to write this in the style of "The Seven Samurai's". You can find a short summary of it online. It tells about seven men who saw the same thing and told the story differently.

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    Forum: Storyteller's Fire

    Last post on thread was by LawMatheson:

    Quote

    Vermithrax wrote:

    The Chronicles are 144,000 words long, and took me the better part of fifteen years to get right.

    I can't seem to write anything of less than 5000 words, and they tend to get away from me.

    Don't know why this is; I think I just get caught up in the story.

    At the moment, a chapter will take me about two -three days, with re-reads, and re-writes.




    I get what you mean when you say you get caught up in a story, for me, it's almost like 'The DOSCO Files' are writing themselves. I have One chapter posted here, but I have three books worth of material. I am just going back and smoothing things out. I am struggling with word count and pages in a chapter, so this post was helpful.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by pirate60:

    lol.

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    Forum: Storyteller's Fire

    Last post on thread was by blue_veined_hatred:

    I was busy doing the usual, laying back inside my cruiser and helping myself to more doughnuts every now and then, with an eye on the street. For most of the cops back at the station passing the night in a cruiser is something they would skip as often as they can manage. I was not most of the cops. Most of the cops do not have a marriage on the verge of dissolving into the most sour taste.
    Rankton was as quite at that hour of the night. Quite enough for the rapidly approaching engine noise of a car revving up the road. I tossed back the half eaten doughnut into it's box and fumbled up to a feasible position.
    I hardly recognized the brand of the car which fleetingly shot past the street but I clearly recognized the situation: a speeding case deep at night. This mght range from some adventure hungry delinquent to some high profile hit and run. Just at that moment, my radio cackled out:
    "All units in the vicinity. A possible hit and run suspect has been seen going East found down Rosewood Boulevard. Suspect is driving a black Classic Ford Mustang. Requesting reports on visual."
    "This is Z3005.I have a visual of a possible suspect. On pursuit."
    I turned on the ignition and the on the lights, wailed the siren and zoomed out of the alley. Tonight is going to be a bumpy.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

    It has been pointed out on a few occasions that summer is slow, and it's true.

    I'm not getting a lot of time to visit at the moment either (though I wish it was because I was strolling & having fun outdoors, rather than being hemmed in at work; the holiday season, eh?).

    kt, without disparaging Verm, Kerri & co I would say that you are the den's most consistent & revered critic. A 'good one' from yourself is an all day high. But the den without kt (at least in my time here) is akin to tea without water.

    Looking forward to the resolution of your posting troubles.

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by tjwell01:

    I agree e-publishing is tricky--I was just pointing out the cool feature about the site. Plus, I'm always on the look out for the new writing community.

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    Forum: Suggestions and Feature Requests

    Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:

    I was wondering if it would be possible to not only search for type, but order them as well. In other words search "Poems" and then order from newest to oldest.

    Just a thought,
    FlickeringFairy

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    Forum: Poet's Corner

    Last post on thread was by tjwell01:

    Poetry becomes a different animal when read aloud. It takes shape and new meaning before your eyes. SAY IT!

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    Forum: General Discussion

    Last post on thread was by Vermithrax:

    A very warm (re)welcome from England, mister Bolger. Smile

    It's wonderful to hear from you, and great to know that you are back.

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    Forum: Poet's Corner

    Last post on thread was by Routh:

    The poet's Corner is a discussion forum for discussion techniques and methods with poems, it could be used for getting help with a particular rhyme, discussing poem styles, or your favourite author. It is not a posting area, so do not post poems here. The discussion forums are for just that, discussing.

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    Forum: Poet's Corner

    Last post on thread was by LyraMidnight28:

    This is a brilliant poem and think you have talent so continue to let it be recognised.