Indeed, Kt.

Very nice introduction. You going to expand this? I hope so.

This rewrite shows some very nice improvement in your original posting. The story flows much smoother and you have some excellent imagery. Good job.

You still have a few small errors, mostly punctuation. A good edit will catch them.

Well, you need to edit the title.

Quite dark, like the last poem. And, like the last poem, you could use a bit of punctuation. Other than that, you capture the mood.

Indeed, a very dark vacation.

Pretty good. Could use a little punctuation though, to help with phrasing.

An attack of conscience over the killing of a harmless tortoise? Possibly.

Strong and impressive. Only thing I can think of after reading this is the line. "Nice Guys Finish Last" Keep up the good work.

So very interesting. Now, the grammar is atrocious, sentence structure terrible, no imagery per se, and I think the characters are wacko.

It is a perfect representation of our smart phone, text and chat society. Good job.

Excellent. And yes, sometimes it is very hard to cry.

You could use a bit more detail to help out with imagery. Also, work on your dialog. It is a bit sedate for a very stressful situation.

Well, it is a lovely story, but as Wortleyhen said, you have some problems with tenses.

Also, you need a good edit. Here is why: "They also became more interested in each other, as they both realized, upon spending all this time together, that they had lots in common. " This sentence is really rough. You have several of these in this submission. You should clean them up.

This makes sense, believe it or not.

Cursing and Swearing are sometimes the only way to express ones self. Anger coming to a boil, and just as fast as the water boils into a steam to escape into the air. So to, do Curses and Swears roll from the tongue.

You can tell a level a persons character by their willing or restraint to just harsh words like the "F-bomb" You used it to express the character well, and masked it so as not to offend readers outright. I commend your restraint and bravery both. Well written.

I agree with Both Don and Mad. It's like looking at the flash of a gun barrel. We see the potential and like what we see, but where is the bullet and where is the target? I would love to help out and rate, but you left us at the deep breath before the plunge.

This is one **** of a story hook, now run with it and show us what you got.

The Concept stayed on track (100%) and your Imagery and Vocabulary near perfect to me (90%). I will be the first to admit I am not the greatest when it comes to Spelling and Grammar, so I will give you a auto pass (100%). The only thing I had a rough time with was Rhythm of it. Some of the words feel out of place, like you tried to hard to find a similar word in a Thesaurus.

In times like this, I would like to pass something on that my Mother taught to me.
K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple Silly
Sometimes keeping things short, sweet, and simple can make it so much stronger that it is. Now as I said before, I am not the greatest with my vocabulary, so I apologize for not being able to help with wording.

All in all, I did enjoy it, and your words here speak volumes on how most of us feel at some point in our lives. Truly, a great job.

Best of Wishes to you.

Hi,

I really do love the writing style and flow you used! It is definitely a masculine theme and writing style, which I can appreciate, even as a female. Some of it might be masculine to the point were it would turn off a female reader, but it is probably true to the character of the narrator/protagonist.

I had some specific things that caused a little confusion for me.

Confused about this sentence: Cody's superintendent's son walking towards Moose, still wearing his grubby construction worker's overalls and muddy boots.
---still not sure if Cody is a person, or the name of the town, because of this sentence used a little later:
Unlike the stereotyped Italian, he had light ginger coloured hair and green eyes, due, according to Cody, to his parents' northern Italian background.

Did you mean to use the word glanced here?: Moose took the first shot, laying out a right hook that glanced off the side of Franco's head, leaving him slightly off balance but unfazed. --I'm American and I've only ever heard glanced used as "looking at" someone or something, so it doesn't make sense to me.

"Give him back his enveloped, dumbass!" envelope??

--Also, I would like to know more about the envelope the protagonist had, even if it is not a big part of the story, especially because you are using first person. Would he have been embarrassed if Moose would have read it aloud? Was the girl that it was from his girlfriend? I think more emotion would have come up in a person's inner monologue about its contents.

--In the same vein, could you take better advantage of the First Person POV all around? Like, is he scared when he see Moose? Is he mad when they are making fun of his ethnicity? Basically, what is going on with the character's emotions as he is narrating the story?

Such imagery in this! Wishes... spun in such a colorful way.

Love it , very deeply felt, I can tell this is not your First piece awesome.

I would proof read this again, some grammatical errors. I want to know more about Rosa’s dreams. What does she wish to attain? What goes on through her head, other then the voices she hears from others? I love that her mother is her inspiration. There are so many inspiring lives that have lived this same premise. Keep writing

I want to know more! There is a trickle of pain... I’m interested in her story. Heartache is oh so relatable.

I don't know what this is supposed to be. You need to go a lot farther than this.

A very interesting story. Really liked the concept. Keep up the good work

Very nicely done, well written, feeling is well revealed, well done.

Hi Noeyrocks, Lonely here pretty good; message well revealed good job.

lol! Write your congressmen, or congresswoman, as the case may be!

lol See you still have your touch. Nice job.

Needs a bit of an edit. If you need any help in that area, give me a yell.

A wonderful prayer.

Wow! Two good poems in a row! Nice job.

It's good we are getting more poets submitting. There was a dearth of poetry for a while. My poetry, while bad, is usually terrible. So thank you very much for posting this.

I echo lonely on this. Superb work.

Whaaaaaaaat?!

"slithe build " - I think you mean either lithe or slight here
"He’s sweating profusely with sweat" Okay, this is redundant. Just say "He's sweating profusely."

This is a good plot, but it is really very rough. I suspect that English is not your first language. You need a good editing and clean-up, and after that you need to take a good look at how you are presenting your story.

Quite a good observation. How life does change us all.

" ... loured the stars" What is loured?

Other than that, quite lovely.

Just a tad cynical, aren't we?

A really good job. This is coming along very well. One caveat:

"I was unable to concentrate much." You should just say "I was unable to concentrate." You have a few sentences like this; you may want to fix them.

Some speech marks have been missed out. Great writing, very evocative and well structured.

Problems with tenses noted. I did read to the end although I the ending was predictable. It was like reading the outline of a novel rather than a short story. If the writer took one little section and carefully worked it up - that might be intriguing and hold the interest of a reader.

I like this a lot. But I was thinking that the long chat they had over a communication channel was unlikely to be so smooth in the desperate circumstances - but would work as he was suiting up though; just prior to the action. Could he have hung over the ?volcano longer. Oh yes. More suspense whilst suspending..... Who's Vulcan? I want to know what going to happen next! Dialogue is perhaps trying to tell too much and not leaving enough for the reader to put in? Maybe.

This is a pretty good story. I liked the plot. However, I think you are trying to write in the style of H. P. Lovecraft or Algernon Blackwood. To wit:

"The dirt trail was trampled to desecration under foot and hoof, both enthusiastically exhausted."

I would dump the expression "enthusiastically exhausted." What does that mean?
You have a few sentences like that. Why not write the story in your own voice as opposed to imitating someone else?

Just a thought.

Quite good. I like that you end with a question, giving the reader food for thought.

We have been getting some quite good poetry lately. Please continue to add to that.

I do not know enough about your topic to attempt a rebuttal or an agreement.

I do think you presented your argument very well. It is quite coherent and the logical pattern of thought is obvious. Nice work.

Very good, and very true. I liked this.

lmao! Wonderful poem. I hope you meant to be funny, because you were. Good job!

Very nice. I like this, especially the last line.

From a fellow lefty, i like thus. Content was pretty good. And overall writing style made it nice to read. Well done

Thanks mate. Hard to understand what purpose being left-handed would serve the devil.

Great idea. it is well written as well.

Kudos from a fellow lefty! My daughter is a lefty, my mother was born right brained but was savagely forced to change by the nuns at school (it was widely believed that left-handedness was a product of the devil). I still remember the ink stains from my school days when fountain pens were the mainstay and those pathetic desks designed for the 90 per cent right-handed students! I recall with dismay years ago when the "left Handed" shop in town closed for lack of business. If you check out chapter 1 in my novel, there is a scene where the main character--a lefty student displays his frustrations. Poem is very cleverly written and I thoroughly enjoyed it. POWER TO LEFTIES!!!!! By the way weren't 3 or 4 of recent USA Presidents Lefties!

wow, truely well written, I can really relate with is piece, well done.

Thanks for the tip, man. It looks way better.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by bbcool36:

Hoping to meet another short story writer. I am pretty new to story writing, looking for someone who could critique stories for me and I could do the same in exchange. The story I have finished is about 8000 words, so it's a little longer. I have another in progress. Just let me know in the thread!!!

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Routh:

I have applied a change to fix the file permissions. Avatars can be uploaded again.

I am also closing and locking this thread as it is ancient. Please open new threads if there is nothing withing the last 90 days about an issue, as it is likely far from relevant anymore. The previous instances have nothing to do with each other, nor does this one.

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Hi @luzzifer - Chapters will be a feature coming back in Version 5, which I am still working on perfecting. I was in version 4 but the implementation was very bad.

What I recommend you do is create a separate story post for each chapter and the same title. This way when someone looks at your profile they'll be able to see the chapters in order thanks to alphanumeric sorting.

Example:

This is My Great Story - Chapter 1

If you have a chapter title you can add it to the description in bold italics or to the top of the chapter body.

When the new version comes out, you'll be able to 'bind' these individual chapters into a novel, poetry book or other book type.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by PseudoScribe:

so don I might not have explained it right but i think i may need ghost artists if such a thing exists. I want to write the story and have illustrations made to compliment it

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by XxDARKGHOSTZX9:

Sir i had an extremely awful day at that time. My spouse was in the hospital, and my family member passed away and my twin brother passed on all in the same month. I am truly sorry for the way that i acted . I am normally not prone to such reactions. The fault was mine and i responded in anger due to my own circumstances.. I apologize sincerely and will use this site as a means to portray future literary work. As it stands, before i noticed your reply i had already updated one work on my profile earlier today. Please forgive and if there is any format or situation. That i can help with i would be more then happy too.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

With the recent post flood that the site saw, I was made aware of some incorrect expectations of what specific pages are intended to be used for, and reminded of some of the issues on this version of the site.

Firstly, the intended place to see the latest posts is the 'Latest Activity Feed', now featured with the link 'Latest Activity' in the main menu to clarify it's use. This view shows the latest 50 posts or more, and will concatenate multiple posts by one user to a single entry. This is the best and only place you should be using to 'catch up' from your last visit.

The 'Newest' page in the Writings Archive (now renamed to Library) has been renamed to 'Newest to Oldest'. This page is a chronological archive view for searching through all posts by date, and it is not intended for users to use to catch up on posts. As such, post concatenation will never be used here. Not to mention that post concatenation is largely incompatible with pagination, and to try and do both cleanly and without error would make for a very slow page.

Now, on the topic of the post flood, which has been discussed before here. The new version of the site will introduce the Karma system, which will be a point based system that will give users points for commenting, posting forum posts and rating writings, and deduct points for posting writings. New users will start with enough points for 2 posts, and old users will earn a score based on their history. This is intended to solve the biggest issue The Den faces in the 'social' era of the Internet, where users have become rather anti-social and post content expecting comments without participating on the site by doing so themselves. To be clear though, if a user has enough posts to post 30 writings at once, the Karma system will not prevent this, and never will. This will be handled via post concatenation in the feeds, which will prevent other users posts from being pushed off the feeds by mass posting. The Library pages however will never concatenate posts.

Version 5 will also introduce the concept of 'following' a writer. So if you want to ensure you never miss posts by your favourite writers, you will be able to follow them and you will have a dedicated 'following' feed to just these users posts and activity.

Forum: Announcements

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Update:

I stand corrected, gender was part of v4 and not v3, and v3 did allow me to remove birthdate. So that field and all it's data have been removed from user profiles and the database.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Loothier:

About ten, maybe even fifteen years ago, when the Internet was still young, I chanced upon an amateur author's website. I spent many nights reading his stories about the ever-diminishing possibilities of science caused by more-dimensional beings squeezed into our world, and the immortal lady (created accidentally in some scientific experiment) struggling to keep the human race alive through the eons, storing knowledge in the roughest form possible as the universe kept loosing detail. Another story was about superheroes that got exponentially more powerful, and more deranged, each time a new one was turned, and the previous people who tried to stop the next ones. Around the tragic time I lost the bookmark, he was writing about magic (which worked like programming with math inside the mind) used to engineer some parts in a space shuttle that exploded. His website had yellow text on a dark gray blue background, if I remember correctly. He did occasional rant posts on science and programming subjects too.

I would very much like to read those stories again. Does someone on this forum know the author or his website? Or a better place to ask?

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by chancematthews01:

I am a new amateur writer. I have book one already posted. I would really like help with editing. Do a Search for "Chi Warrior Saga - Book 1"

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Phillip Cain:

Hello all. Subject is pretty straight forward. I have been considering a switch in majors at my local community college into creative writing or something close to it (not even fully aware of my options yet to be honest), but I would like to know how it happened for you. Was it an epiphany moment, something you fell into, or something that was always present in you.

edit: it really labels me an ink virgin lol, what a knee slapper

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

Now that's a proper critique and hard, fair and good advice.

The one draw back for me about E-books, Kindle & such is that 'anyone' can publish. For example there's a guy who puts out fabulous, professional covers and calls himself Stephen King. The type face is even similar, very much similar, in-fact. But he is not the Stephen King. a fact that is painfully evident once you start suffering......I mean reading.

There are also some excellent stories and ideas but the writing is not to the standard you would expect.

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Kore-rupt Kay-os:

How do I post my writing?

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Nurwanti:

I also have the same question, thanks for asking

Forum: Songwriter's Studio

Last post on thread was by Nurwanti:

lol worth to try

Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues

Last post on thread was by Routh:

This should not be an issue anymore.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

This short post has some quick and easy ways to improve your writing.

https://medium.com/an-idea-for-you/the-two-minutes-it-takes-to-read-this-will-improve-your-writing-forever-82a7d01441d1#.vr45txmxo

Forum: Off Topics

Last post on thread was by SirSludge:

It's been years and now it's back
we got the counting in the sack

Now in this fort
there is a court
but you do not sue
because it's 22!
.
.
.
No, that's not right!
The numbers aren't tight
I don't want to be a bore,
but I tell you, it's 54!

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

Forget original. The last original idea was Jules Verne.

Write what you want. Write it as well as you can. If you post it, someone will read and comment. It sometimes takes a week or so. You will get the unvarnished truth. There's certain rules that never change in writing. Opinions as to the story or whatever you write is just an opinion. Never, never take it personally. Personal stuff will be deleted.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

If the narrator is unable to hear it you can't tell it. Write the one side to be obvious in what is being said.

"You were hit by a rock?"
"Twenty-two stitches! Wow!"

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

I don't know where to start answering this question.

Look around the net for basic writing. That's a start.

I would skip that and write. The primary thing is to tell a story. Don't try to tell it like anyone but yourself. Don't rush things. Writing takes time. read your own words as you start each writing session. Keep the pace even.

Check your spelling. Check your grammar. Read it out loud. Does it sound right?

Don't look too far ahead unless you have an outline of what you want to achieve.

There are other things to do but this is a start.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by trubolotta:

Just a few suggestions from someone who has done a lot of technical writing but now wants to do SciFi writing.

1. 1. Set up a crib sheet of people (or entities), places and things with descriptions to help you be consistent throughout the story. You don't have to reveal all detail at one time, but being consistent over a period of time helps readers.
2. 2. I write a plot outline and sometimes three, four or five. Some interconnect, some do not. Some I dump and some I polish. It doesn't take long and can be very generalized using your own brand of shorthand.
3. 3. Work your chapters. I'll rewrite, chop and mince a chapter as much as necessary until it reads and fits the way I want it to read and fit. I've even scrapped entire chapters, salvaging only a few good parts and dropping the rest.
4. 4. Ideas sheet - its a document I always keep to paste in ideas I think were good but just in the wrong place in the story.
5. 5. Finally, don't take my word for it. I'm brand new at fiction writing and I'm sure more experienced writers can give you good advice.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

I will hopefully have this implemented before too long along with a new version of the site. It's currently a work in progress, about halfway done.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:

There have been some in the past and some that dabble in a little bit of everything.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Demonic:

I'd love to check it out. I'm kind of in the same boat as you, writing a story but don't have all of it worked out yet. I'll have to check out chapter one.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Kholm:

I read once that military folk are somewhere around 90% more likely to smoke then non military. Now don't mistake that for 90% of military people smoke, but there are a lot who do.

Sometimes there is more to smoking than just the physical effects or the buzz it gives you. As military, I can tell you that the social aspect of smoking (at least in military settings) is something that is very important. Its quite a tradeoff, your health for an abundance of rumours and information. The smoke deck is one of the most useful places to obtain information between divisions and get group collaberations.

Non smokers actually look to the smokers to see if they can "get any information on the smokedeck." While much of it is rumor, the senior smokers are pretty good at weeding out nonsense.

Now, enough of the specific social aspect that makes it seem acceptable to me.

Smoking is bad. Bad bad bad bad. There are tons of cancer causing bits, killing you slowly bits, and bits of well smoke. That crap doesnt need to be in your lungs one bit. But hey, its enjoyable to some extent. It does give you a little buzz, and it does fire off little feel goods in your brain. I am no scientest or doctor so I wont pretend to know what does what or why it is addictive.

It can be a money dump, health dump and give you chronically bad breath.

But for every evil, you just have to know how to properly keep yourself. If you smoke, maybe you should make sure to jog every day, brush your teeth twice as long, and eat a bit healthier. I know I do to try and offset the habit. plus I have to be in tip top shape for most of what I do.

Smoking all comes down to where you are, who you are and how you choose to do it. Hell, it might be a cop-out as some people say when life gets a bit too stressful, but here I am in japan, right after a huge mess. I'm alive, and I've been working 14 hours a day to restore power to several buildings, and helping people in wreckage. Its hard, I'm stressed, and I'll be damned if you tell me I can't have a cig.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

Ah, but I'll bet you were only 6 when you invented this word-fuelled Porsche of a site. in many ways, Chris, I liken you to Matthew Broderick in the movie 'War Games'. Y'know, when he hacks the USA's national defence system and gets to ask Stephen Hawking's 'Speak & Spell' for a game of Thermo Nuclear War? No?
Ah, well, maybe there is too much 80's in this reply, even for you.
But, seriously, Chris, a great achievement, my friend: standards high, membership big and not to mention the atmosphere this place generates.
Here's to 19 more.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:

I'm sure this is a large response, but I'm new here having just joined. I'd have to agree with the comments I've read however. As you write and go back over things you have previously written, you'll reorganize certain things, edit some things out, and change as you go. Don't worry about surviving chapters early on. Write some, then go back and reread it after a little time. You'll find the appropriate pauses to divide into chapters then. I wrote nearly 15,000 words within 3 chapters. Then when I went back a few days later while typing it from my writing, I realized one chapter could actually be two separate ones.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:

So I'm writing a historical fiction that takes place during world war 2. It follows the younger of two brothers throughout the war during his search for his older brother that was shot down over Europe. The younger enlists several months after his older brother, just after pearl harbor. He gets sent to the Pacific where he is wounded, then he volunteers for the rangers after he learns of his brother being a pow. My question is, should I add a love interest in the younger brothers life? I have added a way to do so if I choose to, but not sure how to follow. He has just finished his ranger training and is home on leave before being sent to England.

Forum: Announcements

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Stage 1 of this update, deploying SSL has been completed. All pages should show secure in your browsers and Chrome should report that it is using a "modern cipher suite".

I believe I have found all instances of "mixed insecure content" which usually means an image is being loaded with HTTP instead of HTTPS. I may have missed one or two. Please notify me if you find any by replying to this post.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

You're in the right place. Any genre works here.
As for critiques, the ones you get won't be- That's nice. It might be - That's nice because. There may be a but there too.
You also will get critiqued on grammar and spelling. You will know if your plot makes sense, not if it's any good; that's up to you.
To sum up- yea, this is the right place.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

Mr Cushions, please receive my cyber hug along with a massive apology for such a delayed reply.
I myself am fine and hoping that you and yours are in a similar fettle.
Time is a meagre mistress at the moment and, would you believe, I have written nothing (accept cheques) since this post; lots of family stuff going on . My mam, though not ill, isn't in the best of conditions physically and requires a lot more help than just twelve months ago. Stick that in the pot with a new management regime at work, allow to simmer for twelve months and out comes the best time/stress sandwich you could ever hope to feast upon. At last count the number of unpaid, extra, hours I have bagged at my place of employ totals three weeks. Blimey, with 21 days of uninterrupted writing I could have finished 'the herrings' and cornered the weird/slightly uncomfortable comedy market.
But enough that, onward and upwards as pompous, upper class knobs like to say.
Many thanks for your response to my "Sir Terry" post. I really was gutted at his passing. But since we have our very own 'Savage Pratchet' here on the den, his style (unwittingly echoed by your talented self) shall live on.
As for the election, you were right, Mr Cushions. the herrings were secreting a few creative juices. However, I have been unable to absorb and act upon them because of said time constraints. having said that David Macaroon has enjoyed a few scribbled notes upon the back of work memos and wage slips. Though I call him David Car Moron, since he obviously a cap driver since we never see him........driving.
Blimey, this is the longest time I've spent on the den all year.
Merry Christmas, savage. I hope you and yours have an excellent one and enjoy a fantastic new year.

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

You are using the italics as thoughts. No punctuation is needed or correct.
How am I alive? This is correct.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by hobie roberts:

hey so i got an idea for a short story series and i kinda need help with like cover designs and stuff. my idea is for it to be a zombie book, but like through the zombies eyes, ive been thinking about it for a while and finally got some ideas for the actual plot of it, if any one would like to help with it ill give you my Skype, mostly i really need some one who can draw zombies pretty good for a cover of it, ill be printing it at my sisters work and making like short story's, plus my local book store said if they like it they can start to maby promote it there, ill also have it online to.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Found this on Google+ today. Its worth reading and putting into practice.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by mcglone:

Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.

I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.

So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!

I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by mcglone:

Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.

I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.

So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!

I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Heads up for those of you publishing to Amazon. Amazon is looking to change their pay model so you only get paid for pages read.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology...-read.html

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

Gay lit sells well at Amazon.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by Vollkrasser:

Hi,

I made a script/plot for new cases in the traditional style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle"™s stories of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. That script is the basis for a non-commercial online adventure game version.

The first previews of the game are"¦

...here in video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGY4thv8wG0

...here pics with the final lightning, scroll down in the forum, the last post on page 1 forum

...here is the first scene playable online (graphics there are just placeholdeers and will be replaced):
http://textadventures.co.uk/games/vie...n-of-sheba

The game ought to be in British English, best would be the old Victorian style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I"™m not a native English speaker, and it would be a sacrilege to have even the slightest foreign accent for this. That would be German in my case, which is reserved for the villains already ;-)

So I"™m looking for a writer, who would like to take part in this project for free as I also do.
The workflow would be that he/she starts from my bad English script and writes a nice round story out of it that can then be the novel part of the adventure. Think of it as a bit like Dr. Watson did with the bare facts of Holmes: he made entertaining and exciting stories out of it. It would be similar with our cooperation for the adventure.

Best would be if the writer speaks a bit german, but it"™s not a must.
The final game will be free and online playable by everybody even without registration on the above platform.

The game is afoot!

If youre interested, just contact me via e-mail, which is described in 2 parts (to avoid-auto spam crawlers):
the first part is
reinarassa
the second part is
@googlemail.com
combine the two and you have the valid e-mail.

Best regards from germany/Bavaria!

Vollkrasser

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by Routh:

This latest question should be posted into a new topic. Please use one thread per topic. Multiple topics in one thread is too difficult for people to follow and destroys a thread.

Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues

Last post on thread was by Routh:

NovaCops writing has been fixed.

Thats all the reported work for now, please report any others.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Don Roble:

This sounds like you want to write this in the style of "The Seven Samurai's". You can find a short summary of it online. It tells about seven men who saw the same thing and told the story differently.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by LawMatheson:

I get what you mean when you say you get caught up in a story, for me, it's almost like 'The DOSCO Files' are writing themselves. I have One chapter posted here, but I have three books worth of material. I am just going back and smoothing things out. I am struggling with word count and pages in a chapter, so this post was helpful.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by pirate60:

lol.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by blue_veined_hatred:

I was busy doing the usual, laying back inside my cruiser and helping myself to more doughnuts every now and then, with an eye on the street. For most of the cops back at the station passing the night in a cruiser is something they would skip as often as they can manage. I was not most of the cops. Most of the cops do not have a marriage on the verge of dissolving into the most sour taste.
Rankton was as quite at that hour of the night. Quite enough for the rapidly approaching engine noise of a car revving up the road. I tossed back the half eaten doughnut into it's box and fumbled up to a feasible position.
I hardly recognized the brand of the car which fleetingly shot past the street but I clearly recognized the situation: a speeding case deep at night. This mght range from some adventure hungry delinquent to some high profile hit and run. Just at that moment, my radio cackled out:
"All units in the vicinity. A possible hit and run suspect has been seen going East found down Rosewood Boulevard. Suspect is driving a black Classic Ford Mustang. Requesting reports on visual."
"This is Z3005.I have a visual of a possible suspect. On pursuit."
I turned on the ignition and the on the lights, wailed the siren and zoomed out of the alley. Tonight is going to be a bumpy.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

It has been pointed out on a few occasions that summer is slow, and it's true.

I'm not getting a lot of time to visit at the moment either (though I wish it was because I was strolling & having fun outdoors, rather than being hemmed in at work; the holiday season, eh?).

kt, without disparaging Verm, Kerri & co I would say that you are the den's most consistent & revered critic. A 'good one' from yourself is an all day high. But the den without kt (at least in my time here) is akin to tea without water.

Looking forward to the resolution of your posting troubles.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by tjwell01:

I agree e-publishing is tricky--I was just pointing out the cool feature about the site. Plus, I'm always on the look out for the new writing community.

Forum: Suggestions and Feature Requests

Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:

I was wondering if it would be possible to not only search for type, but order them as well. In other words search "Poems" and then order from newest to oldest.

Just a thought,
FlickeringFairy

Forum: Poet's Corner

Last post on thread was by tjwell01:

Poetry becomes a different animal when read aloud. It takes shape and new meaning before your eyes. SAY IT!

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Vermithrax:

A very warm (re)welcome from England, mister Bolger.

It's wonderful to hear from you, and great to know that you are back.