Latest Activity

A feed of the latest writings posted to The Den.

Member Avatar Type: Fantasy
An old man tries to help his granddaughter by telling her a story
Member Avatar Type: Fantasy
A short story documenting the creation of The God-Killer Device, a machine born of magic and technology designed for war with the subterranean gods of the underdark
Member Avatar Type: Story
new flash fiction every Friday...
Member Avatar Type: Poem
...
Member Avatar Type: Poem
Freestyle Poem
Member Avatar Type: Fable
Hillshire is a short story that takes place in a time long forgotten, in a land that onece existed.
Member Avatar Type: Story
Watching the sun come over the mountain from a high place
Member Avatar Type: Poem
...

  • Additional Posts
  • I want to bang you without your fake eyelashes...
  • Member Avatar Type: Critical Review
    Stock market
    Member Avatar Type: Prose
    Rooted in a memory
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    My inspiration to write comes at midnight.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ...
    Member Avatar Type: Haiku
    Everything returns to the Earth.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    Watch out for the government.
    Read

    PS Motherhood 18+

    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ...
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    "Let's just do this and get this over with" is the mindset, being like this for as long as he can remember, he lives in his own world and everything is just normal, FOR HIM, at least, until college came, and everything in his "normal" world is about to be turned upside down. (I would liek to apologize in advance for the bad words, it's necessary for characterization, I'm so sorry.)
    Read

    Dairies Of Selena

    Member Avatar Type: Story
    dairies of selena, a Greek titanese

  • Additional Posts
  • dairies of selena
  • PS Series
  • Member Avatar Type: Poem
    .
    Read

    The Hand it Is

    Member Avatar Type: Story
    It's a hand

  • Additional Posts
  • well
  • Member Avatar Type: Poem
    .................................................

  • Additional Posts
  • I have come to admire people less...
  • I often say I am a stoic but not a cynic...
  • Member Avatar Type: Story
    Not like other people
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ...
    Read

    Game Shows

    Member Avatar Type: Story
    Games shows have changed

  • Additional Posts
  • Not Laughing Now, Neil
  • Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ...
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    About a dog I coaxed out of his yard to go on an adventure.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    Government Help
    Member Avatar Type: Prose
    We made our own bed & now we lay in it.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    This is my first poem ever written in english, thank you for your advice.
    Read

    Cable

    Member Avatar Type: Story
    Cable shows scrap bottom of barrel.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ...
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    It's a first for me. A poem about regretting the choices one makes..... (might not be good)
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    ...
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    Witches' strange and funny brews, Halloween poem.
    Read

    don't wake me up

    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    A conversation with depression
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    Just a short reflection of a bit of my life.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    relationships with friends
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    A teenager's journey into hacking
    Member Avatar Type: Essay
    Recent escalations in Afghanistan
    Member Avatar Type: Prose
    .............................. gfgdsgfbfgbhxfg fgsfgs fdgsdfg

  • Additional Posts
  • You never “throw yourself” at a woman...
  • It is 2021 A.D.
  • I think my youth is lost only when I think like a “modern man”...
  • Member Avatar Type: Story
    Beginning in the year 1260, the short stories of Baltica follow the lives of five characters: Sigismund, Halvar, Juula, Riina, and Everard as they navigate life in the eastern Baltic under Christian occupation. Each set of short stories is told in a non-linear manner, expanding on events transpiring over an eighteen year period (1242-1260)
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    A flash fiction piece (290 words) on schoolday memories.
    Member Avatar Type: Story
    This is a story of a wonderful time with my son that I hope to never forget
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    I was at a party this weekend, until I wasn't.
    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    Inspired by Stoicism and the Roman goddess of fortune
    Member Avatar Type: Prose
    Time frozen, the wound still fresh
    Read

    Pastimes

    Member Avatar Type: Poem
    Outtakes

  • Additional Posts
  • Rhyme
  • Member Avatar Type: Poem
    searching

    A feed of the latest comments on The Den.

    Member Avatar

    Indeed, man.

    Member Avatar

    Okay, a few things.
    You have a good plot here. You could very easily expand and develop this. Nice job.

    Now, the issues.
    You need to format this. It makes it much easier to read.
    You have some run-on sentences. Edit them and trim them.
    You have mixed tenses. Pick a tense and stick to it.

    Member Avatar

    Oh wow. This is really dark and really scary. Nice job.

    Now the bad side. You need a bit of formatting on this.

    Member Avatar

    Superb. Sadly, I fear, only a dream.

    Member Avatar

    Perhaps, not so much a poem as a prayer?

    Very nice.

    Member Avatar

    Naaah. <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/grin.svg' alt='Grin'>

    Member Avatar

    "As the enemy captain road away ..." this should be "rode away" You have several examples of this in this posting.

    Try some formatting and double-spacing. It is easier to read and easier for the eyes.
    Also, you could easily break this into two or three chapters. Give that a thought.

    A good story, it just needs a bit of cleaning.

    Member Avatar

    Very nice.
    It could use some formatting.

    Member Avatar

    Or maybe you are a devout bachelor because you have felt the pain of heartache? Just a thought.

    Member Avatar

    Very nice, because it is very true.

    Member Avatar

    lol Very good Don. But you left one out.
    Those guys a prodigious consumers of cocaine. So, maybe you could go into sales.

    Member Avatar

    Very good. Nicely done. However, I think of this more as a poem then prose.

    Member Avatar

    Superb! A wonderfully entertaining poem.

    Member Avatar

    I like this. Very thought-provoking. Well done.

    Member Avatar

    Beautiful.

    Member Avatar

    A filmmaker and a philosopher. <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/smile.svg' alt='Smile'>

    Member Avatar

    Thank you, Kt, and welcome back!

    Member Avatar

    Are you too old for this shit?

    Member Avatar

    Okay, I like the flow. But the meaning escapes me. Who are, or what is, Bresson and al-Tawhidi?

    Member Avatar

    Good point here. Well worth discussing. But not by me. <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/cool.svg' alt='Cool'>

    Member Avatar

    Very nice. A quite good piece of fantasy.

    Member Avatar

    Wonderful. Amazing, sometimes, what you discover when you lose a loved one.

    Member Avatar

    lmao! Very good, Don!
    Oh, good to have you back.

    Member Avatar

    Same comments as before. You need to edit, and you need to take some time to structure you plot.

    Member Avatar

    Let's see.... You have an island in a lake, then Paris, then the tropics, and finally Rio. You are bouncing all over the place here. You need to fix it.

    Member Avatar

    See my previous comment.
    Also, you move too quickly with the plot. You need to slow down a bit and let things develop.

    Member Avatar

    You need a good proofreading. Something here tells me that English is not your first language. That is why you need an editor.

    Now, to the plot. I want to see where this goes. Please continue.

    Member Avatar

    Okay, coming along nicely. You need a spellcheck on this one.
    And still no cows grazing for milk! <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/cool.svg' alt='Cool'>

    Member Avatar

    What a marvelous observation on the human experience!

    Member Avatar

    This is interesting, but there are some issues.
    The use of spoken slang adds a lot to the story, but you have way to much. You can trim it a bit.
    You also need to break up the paragraphs. As Don said, you have a wall of words.

    Member Avatar

    "Dairies of Selena" a dairy is a farm, where one raised cows for there milk. I have seen no mention of cows or farms in the last two stories. <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/smile.svg' alt='Smile'>
    Perhaps you should change the title to "Diaries of Selena."

    Member Avatar

    "Started to read it out loud. My voice was echoing through my thoughts in my head. " - The first part of this is an incomplete sentence. You need to fix things like this.

    Will this be continued?

    Member Avatar

    This is interesting. I want to see where it goes.
    You have some rough sentence structure and paragraph structure. I would look to that.

    Member Avatar

    <3

    Member Avatar

    This ended strongly. Well done.

    Member Avatar

    This was an entertaining read. Thoroughly enjoyed!

    Member Avatar

    The end of this is strong, especialy the final two sentences. Thanks for sharing.

    Member Avatar

    You make an excellent comment on your writing. Well done.

    Member Avatar

    <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/grin.svg' alt='Grin'> Nicely done, Don.

    Member Avatar

    Cowardice? I think not. Practical would be the word I would use.

    Member Avatar

    lol Very good Dan. I would not want to live like that, though. The heat would drive me nuts.

    Member Avatar

    I like this. A quite true observation. You celebrate the small, day-to-day victories.

    Member Avatar

    It does the trick, Kt. <img class='smiley' style='width:20px;height:20px;' src='../images/smiley/grin.svg' alt='Grin'>

    Member Avatar

    I'm just trying not to overwhelm readers with how much I've got done. Also thank you for the website I have it bookmarked now.

    Member Avatar

    I wish it were mine. It's moodyt's

    Member Avatar

    A wall of words defeats itself. I will read something but I won't work ar it.

    Member Avatar

    Find some kind of opening. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just something to attract interest.

    Go to Grammarly. It isn't perfect but will help with things we read past. Everyone writes that way.
    Try https://thecriticalreader.com/complete-sat-grammar-rules/ It is excellent.

    Writing is always a work in progress. The way to learn to write well is to write a lot. Keep this story going and post it.