Good stories. Very good imagery. Nicely done.

Two things. The first is where their is Danish (is that the language?) there is no translation. You may want to add it so other readers will know what is being said.

The second is formatting. Either double-space between paragraphs, or indent, or both. It just makes it easier to read.

"I liked to sit near the window and look out over the playing fields to the rows of terraced houses that cut across the hillside like the fillings of a layered cake."- This is a run-on sentence. You may want to fix it.

That said, a wonderful vignette about boyhood.

You need a good proofreading to clean up some punctuation errors.

That said, a very good biography of a major construction project with your son.

Very thought-provoking. Nicely done.

Very good. Almost song lyrics. I think you could set these to music.

This is sad. Are you referring to butterfly as a woman? It would seem so.

Nice job.

lol Very good

I think that you should put this in the form of a poem.

Not "woah", but "whoa!"

Very funny. Nice job.

A good point here. You could expand this. Why not give it a try?

Well, now, I think you could have done quite a bit more with this. Why not give it a try?

I've just read your comment, dickensonfan. Thank you very much for your words, man!

This is a very engaging beginning and quite well written. My main suggestion is - as is customary in short stories or chapters of books - to stick to one viewpoint character only. Jake and Wade can say or do anything they want, but the reader should be allowed into the head of only one of them (what he thinks, sees, hear and feels). You could, e.g., give the first chapter to Jake and the second to Wade. But please keep at it. I look forward to chapter two.

See my comments for Chapter 1.

Okay, this is way to long and tedious. I think it is because you have too many characters interacting. Cut this thing down.

You could have easily written one chapter about them awakening in the simulation, and then discovering it is a simulation. Then another chapter about the training exercise, trimming what you have here to make it more effective.

Also, you need a good proofreading and edit.

My comments for the Prologue apply here as well.

Now, if people are living underground, in very restricted circumstances, would they be playing football? I think not.

Also, this chapter is too long, and that is because you devote too much to the football game. You could really trim that down to a much smaller section.

“Okay, if you’re sure about it, but I’m just saying after this we can’t put the cat back in the bag after this Ben."
You use "after this" twice in the sentence. It is not necessary.

You have a situation here called "weedy words." It occurs quite a bit in the story. Again: "He subconsciously reached down to his pocket and felt for the small shape of the pistol he had fabricated just a day in advance before the plot."

Weedy words can clog up a writing, just as weeds clog up a garden. Take a look at my second example above. You may want to try something like: "He reached into his pocket and grasped the small pistol he had faabricated the day before he began this adventure."

Get the idea?

That said, this is a good start to what may be an interesting story. Let's see where you take it.

Superb! Wonderful imagery! Very nicely done!

A few small errors in grammar and usage, but I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Not too many things in this world better then a morning walk. Or bike ride.

Somehow, someway, I think that she does.

A lovely little poem, and quite interesting with the story that it tells.
Excellent imagery.

Beds are dug over, not Doug over. You could also say that the soil is turned.

That said, well written and nicely done.

Routh, thanks for spotting that. Chris' name was originally Colin so the latter still sneaks in from time to time.

Thank you kt6550 for the encouragement. I added to the story, brushed up the spelling, and posted it back on the wall.

I like this. A bit of a Romantic portrait of a knight, I would think. Anyhow, that is how I read it.
Nicely done.

Very sad. A good picture of loss and grief.

"Horticulture has the power to enrich and enhance lifes. "- This should be lives.
"I will start in the autumn because this is when my horticulture journey began." You have mixed past and present tense here. You cannot do that. "journey began" should be "Journey begins."

Not bad. It could be a little longer. You could elaborate on the experience you have when you garden.
Let's see how part 2 comes out.

Marvelous. A wonderful perspective on the early teen crushes.

I made corrections and submitted it again

An interesting rhyme. I am not quite certain that I understand, but I think you are targetting ignorance here.

I think you need to add some punctuation to impart a sense of timing.

" Beyond that lay vast fields of farmland that rest next to a gentle flowing river that flows from the mountains that dominate the eastern horizon." - Okay, this sentence is too long and a gently flowing river that flows ... well, gently flowing assumes it is flowing. Try something like "Beyond lay farmlands, resting next to a smooth river that begins in the high mountains on the eastern horizon."

peek, not peak

How do we go from calm waters to turbulent?

This is a good story. It seems as if it is the start of something larger. Is it?

It seems as if you are trying too hard to be descriptive. Sometimes, less is more.

Getting a bit profound here, pirate. This is very introspective on your part.

Nicely done.

Okay, you want some feedback? Here you go.

This is autobiographical, correct? The problem with it is is that you are still to close to this tragedy to do a good writing. It still tears at your heart. There is nothing wrong with that, but your emotions overcome the part of your mind that you need to write an accurate, effective narrative. This writing would be a good start, and, when the healing process has begun, you could revisit this. For example:

"Once inside I scanned the living room, normally, my children would be all bundled up and waiting in the living room, ready to go but tonight the living room was empty with the exception of Lori and myself. "

This is a complex sentence which is very poorly constructed. I suspect, when you wrote it, grief was beginning to reassert itself, and that grief and sadness effects the remainder of the writing. You have a lot of bad sentences, and I would not be the least bit surprised if you were crying as you wrote them.

You have my sympathy. One cannot measure, in any degree, the pain parents feel when they lose a child. The healing takes a very long time. I would, after a suitable time, revisit this.

God bless.

A joy to read

Very simple and precise, which is what I admire in a poem. My favorite line was "cause too much love can smother, and too little is pretty tough." Simple, heartfelt, just lovely. I love how you didn't overcrowd it with too much imagery or unnecessary metaphors, so thank you so much for that. I can easily see this as being one of those poems that are sent in pretty calligraphy and flowers to someone.

My only critique is auto cap. It's just a major pet peeve of mine. Not all lines have to be capitalized, and the lack of punctuation. Some commas might make it flow better. Nice job!

Another repost that got lost way back in time.

I think my intention was to investigate the falsehood of behaviour in some "great men".

Jesus is the way

Just 3 ?

Reading it was like walking over river rocks. Great story and excellent writing though.

Very well done.

Superb poem. However, he ran for water. He was brave, and he did run. His actions contradict the title.
Was that the intent?

Great story, could use some cleaning up. Don't know why their are so many question marks. Reminded me of my life as a boy in the city of Minneapolis. Also reminded me of a story I heard from an old man in a nursing home who grew up in Brooklyn in the 30's. He told me of how he and his buddy's would hop the fence to get into the baseball games. Like Itchy said they would sit on the sidelines. He also said the fans had access to the field after the game to meet the players. That's the way it was back then he said. He also told Me of how he and his buddy's saw Mickey Mantle walk down into the subway. They all got on the train but he was the only one who had the gut's to walk over and say hi to Mickey. He said he was amazed at how much Mickey was " like any other guy "

Writing should at least sound like someone is speaking to you. The last sentence for instance could be cleaned to say something like this" In 2002 Jimmy won the Nobel Peace Prize, now he and his wife created a service to meet the needs of the people of our country " Even though I believe that foundation is habitat for humanity and was really founded by Millard and Linda Fuller in 1976. Jimmy Carter is great man and a beautiful human being Try to make you good better and your better best

I'm 57 years old and divorced and I learned a lot from what you wrote. It was also a pleasure to read also. From the image it looks like you found that rare jewel of love yourself. One thing I would check out is the word " believe " in the third stanza might be beliefs, or " what we believe ". Beliefs do motivate our actions

Thank you, Myth.
I believe it only sings the scene as it is. No value added.

I am a bit late to the party, but this was an excellent little poem to read A good pace and great imagery. Keep it up

I agree with kt a few philosophic stanzas. Very good. You should expand it

Any plans to expand it?

The conflict between perception and reality was elegantly painted. I am curious. Of what is the fire singing? His bravery? His cowardice? The betrayal of the heart of the observer. It's not needed in the poem itself, but it left a space to think. Well written.

Who is Colin on line 2? It reads like it should be Chris speaking.

Forum: v5 Testing

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Post weekend update report for v5:

Features completed:

- Email verification workflow

Bugs fixed:

- User last seen time not updating

New policies implemented (Important for admins to know):

- Unverified accounts will be removed after 14 days
- Accounts that have not submitted a writing, comment or discussion after 1 year (365 days) will be automatically removed as stale. Shouts, Private Messages, or post reactions will not count as contributions.


On the last policy, I've wanted to add this for some time. This will ensure that all members on the site older than 1 year have contributed to the community in some meaningful way.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by kt6550:

Sometimes, yes. I look at some of the writings I wrote when I was in my 50's, (I am 68 now,) and think, "Did I write that junk?" Guess I did.

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Hi Don,

I hate doing this publicly but as it seems you do not receive/read my emails I will simply put a note here.

Your account has not been modified or disabled or banned or anything else. I don't do that. I never have.

The password you believe to be yours, is not. I verified this when KT passed the credentials that do not work to me.

The only thing required was a password reset.

For over a month however, your provider, AT&T/Bellsouth, was blocking emails from The Den's mail server. So I could not email you, and password reset would not have worked. That has since been resolved, however it is likely they are still marking it as spam.

Reluctantly (because setting a users password for them is BAD security and I prefer to use any other method when possible) - I manually reset your password and sent the verified, working credentials, to KT and he has forwarded them to you. That happened two weeks ago.

There are no problems with your account, you should be able to login.

Forum: Reviewer's Ramble

Last post on thread was by Dnavarre:

Finished "Misery" by Stephen King. I've only read 8 of his books but "Misery" is by far my instant favorite. It's painfully real, and not just for the plot, which is devoid of the supernatural but features the horrors of humanity.

What really makes the book shine in my eyes is how personal it is to King. King's drug addiction, his stardom, and his place as a lifetime author are all made themes in the plot of a writer-turned-captive by his number one fan, a not so subtle reference to his fanbase's reaction after he published a fantasy novel. But even while King exposes his own fears and flaws he winks and smiles as he plays between the lines and challenges himself to enjoy his livelihood.

Behind the terrifyingly hopeless plot and the intimately vulnerable themes King still twists phrases, includes double-meanings he refuses to dwell on for no particular reason other than they were fun to make. There is a book-within-a-book and while, yes, there are parallels between characters and revelations that, wait, /maybe/ you've been missing the true meaning of what this is all about, King is still playful: in one memorable sequence his author protagonist describes the use of his novel's form to the the antagonist, while right after King exhibits the same use. Throughout the novel, King talks.

And of course "Misery" contains one of the greatest tricks of all: King tells a thrilling story--and it is thrilling. One arc was so stressful I had to turn the book away and rest my head on its spine, like peeking between my fingers at a horror film that's too gruesome to continue watching, knowing I was cheating because our protagonist had no such relief--a thrilling 300+ page story with the aide of only two characters, the protagonist and the antagonist.

It is nothing short of amazing how this is accomplished. Two characters, and our narrator is an invalid to boot, confined at first to his bed and then to a wheelchair but still locked in a single room with a single view. But no matter the amount of exposition or backstory or repetitive monologuing as our hero's psyche is broken down, "Misery" never gets boring or slow, the emotions and stress and fear of what will happen on the next page never let up, never relax, from the first page to the very last. Despite everything one might say about him, here King solidifies his mastery of horror writing.

Forum: v5 Testing

Last post on thread was by Routh:

With the decision to abolish ratings with v5, I've been pondering a new way to allow great work to be highlighted on The Den.

While I admit some similarities to a 'Like' system, which I'm not much of a fan of; I will be developing a favourites system for the site. Users will be able to favourite works and then rank them on a list on their profile. Writings lists will have ways to sort writings by the number of favourites, allowing people to find some of the best submissions.

We have over 20 years of work here and while new submissions are always the top priority, being able to find great and inspiring work to read keeps new members engaged.

Forum: v5 Testing

Last post on thread was by Routh:

I accidentally deleted both copies of Don's response, which was that they should go altogether. I've spoken with a few members and I think the consensus is that they should go. I'll come up with another way for older writings to be highlighted.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Honestly.. I've seen stupid UX decisions before but this takes the cake.



Today I learned that that very ambiguous delete button beside a post DOES NOT delete the post.. IT DELETES THE USER.

*slow clap* --- good job PHP-Fusion devs..

Honestly I cannot finish Version 5 fast enough.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Hey folks,

With v5 I am modernizing The Den to bring it up to snuff with the types of sites you use daily nowadays. I have thought of a number features to bring in, and I am wondering...

If you could have anything you wanted in the next version of The Den, what would it be?

Forum: v5 Testing

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Hi kt6550, Madhatter and Don,

I finally realized what the issue was with the connection of v5.

The short version: There was a routing issue, and it's been fixed. You should be able to access the site consistently now.

The longer version for the curious:

I have two IP addresses coming into my house for webpage testing and general system testing as I work in IT. Unfortunately when requests came in for the site, they would sometimes return from the second IP instead of the first. When your computer receives a reply from a different IP than it sent the request to, it drops the response and ignores it as invalid. This was causing the issue. I have a solution that will allow me to fix this in the form of a different internet provider, however that will take a couple of weeks, so for now I have disabled on IP so traffic can only flow through one of them, which will prevent the issue from happening.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by bbcool36:

Hoping to meet another short story writer. I am pretty new to story writing, looking for someone who could critique stories for me and I could do the same in exchange. The story I have finished is about 8000 words, so it's a little longer. I have another in progress. Just let me know in the thread!!!

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Routh:

I have applied a change to fix the file permissions. Avatars can be uploaded again.

I am also closing and locking this thread as it is ancient. Please open new threads if there is nothing withing the last 90 days about an issue, as it is likely far from relevant anymore. The previous instances have nothing to do with each other, nor does this one.

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Hi @luzzifer - Chapters will be a feature coming back in Version 5, which I am still working on perfecting. I was in version 4 but the implementation was very bad.

What I recommend you do is create a separate story post for each chapter and the same title. This way when someone looks at your profile they'll be able to see the chapters in order thanks to alphanumeric sorting.

Example:

This is My Great Story - Chapter 1

If you have a chapter title you can add it to the description in bold italics or to the top of the chapter body.

When the new version comes out, you'll be able to 'bind' these individual chapters into a novel, poetry book or other book type.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by PseudoScribe:

so don I might not have explained it right but i think i may need ghost artists if such a thing exists. I want to write the story and have illustrations made to compliment it

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by XxDARKGHOSTZX9:

Sir i had an extremely awful day at that time. My spouse was in the hospital, and my family member passed away and my twin brother passed on all in the same month. I am truly sorry for the way that i acted . I am normally not prone to such reactions. The fault was mine and i responded in anger due to my own circumstances.. I apologize sincerely and will use this site as a means to portray future literary work. As it stands, before i noticed your reply i had already updated one work on my profile earlier today. Please forgive and if there is any format or situation. That i can help with i would be more then happy too.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

With the recent post flood that the site saw, I was made aware of some incorrect expectations of what specific pages are intended to be used for, and reminded of some of the issues on this version of the site.

Firstly, the intended place to see the latest posts is the 'Latest Activity Feed', now featured with the link 'Latest Activity' in the main menu to clarify it's use. This view shows the latest 50 posts or more, and will concatenate multiple posts by one user to a single entry. This is the best and only place you should be using to 'catch up' from your last visit.

The 'Newest' page in the Writings Archive (now renamed to Library) has been renamed to 'Newest to Oldest'. This page is a chronological archive view for searching through all posts by date, and it is not intended for users to use to catch up on posts. As such, post concatenation will never be used here. Not to mention that post concatenation is largely incompatible with pagination, and to try and do both cleanly and without error would make for a very slow page.

Now, on the topic of the post flood, which has been discussed before here. The new version of the site will introduce the Karma system, which will be a point based system that will give users points for commenting, posting forum posts and rating writings, and deduct points for posting writings. New users will start with enough points for 2 posts, and old users will earn a score based on their history. This is intended to solve the biggest issue The Den faces in the 'social' era of the Internet, where users have become rather anti-social and post content expecting comments without participating on the site by doing so themselves. To be clear though, if a user has enough posts to post 30 writings at once, the Karma system will not prevent this, and never will. This will be handled via post concatenation in the feeds, which will prevent other users posts from being pushed off the feeds by mass posting. The Library pages however will never concatenate posts.

Version 5 will also introduce the concept of 'following' a writer. So if you want to ensure you never miss posts by your favourite writers, you will be able to follow them and you will have a dedicated 'following' feed to just these users posts and activity.

Forum: Announcements

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Update:

I stand corrected, gender was part of v4 and not v3, and v3 did allow me to remove birthdate. So that field and all it's data have been removed from user profiles and the database.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Loothier:

About ten, maybe even fifteen years ago, when the Internet was still young, I chanced upon an amateur author's website. I spent many nights reading his stories about the ever-diminishing possibilities of science caused by more-dimensional beings squeezed into our world, and the immortal lady (created accidentally in some scientific experiment) struggling to keep the human race alive through the eons, storing knowledge in the roughest form possible as the universe kept loosing detail. Another story was about superheroes that got exponentially more powerful, and more deranged, each time a new one was turned, and the previous people who tried to stop the next ones. Around the tragic time I lost the bookmark, he was writing about magic (which worked like programming with math inside the mind) used to engineer some parts in a space shuttle that exploded. His website had yellow text on a dark gray blue background, if I remember correctly. He did occasional rant posts on science and programming subjects too.

I would very much like to read those stories again. Does someone on this forum know the author or his website? Or a better place to ask?

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by chancematthews01:

I am a new amateur writer. I have book one already posted. I would really like help with editing. Do a Search for "Chi Warrior Saga - Book 1"

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Phillip Cain:

Hello all. Subject is pretty straight forward. I have been considering a switch in majors at my local community college into creative writing or something close to it (not even fully aware of my options yet to be honest), but I would like to know how it happened for you. Was it an epiphany moment, something you fell into, or something that was always present in you.

edit: it really labels me an ink virgin lol, what a knee slapper

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

Now that's a proper critique and hard, fair and good advice.

The one draw back for me about E-books, Kindle & such is that 'anyone' can publish. For example there's a guy who puts out fabulous, professional covers and calls himself Stephen King. The type face is even similar, very much similar, in-fact. But he is not the Stephen King. a fact that is painfully evident once you start suffering......I mean reading.

There are also some excellent stories and ideas but the writing is not to the standard you would expect.

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Kore-rupt Kay-os:

How do I post my writing?

Forum: Help and Support

Last post on thread was by Nurwanti:

I also have the same question, thanks for asking

Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues

Last post on thread was by Routh:

This should not be an issue anymore.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

This short post has some quick and easy ways to improve your writing.

https://medium.com/an-idea-for-you/the-two-minutes-it-takes-to-read-this-will-improve-your-writing-forever-82a7d01441d1#.vr45txmxo

Forum: Off Topics

Last post on thread was by SirSludge:

It's been years and now it's back
we got the counting in the sack

Now in this fort
there is a court
but you do not sue
because it's 22!
.
.
.
No, that's not right!
The numbers aren't tight
I don't want to be a bore,
but I tell you, it's 54!

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by lichtyd:

I've been writing for several months. Started with fan fiction and have started my own, not very original, story. I'll try to be an active member here, but my writing takes most of my free time. My first story, The Farmer's Daughter, is rather simple and derivative. Heck the title is a cliche. Writing with a familiar plot allows me to focus on grammar, style, dialog and narrative. I like my characters and enjoy putting them into scenes and recording how they react.

lichtyd

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by enchantedpickles:

Is there a certain why to do this or does it matter how your writing style is?

I want to write dialog of someone talking on the phone but my narator can only hear the person she is with and not the person on the phone.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by pappz24:

I am new to writing.I like to pen the stories that come up in my mind but i always find difficult to get the right words.
Could someone please help me with the basics of writing.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by trubolotta:

Just a few suggestions from someone who has done a lot of technical writing but now wants to do SciFi writing.

1. 1. Set up a crib sheet of people (or entities), places and things with descriptions to help you be consistent throughout the story. You don't have to reveal all detail at one time, but being consistent over a period of time helps readers.
2. 2. I write a plot outline and sometimes three, four or five. Some interconnect, some do not. Some I dump and some I polish. It doesn't take long and can be very generalized using your own brand of shorthand.
3. 3. Work your chapters. I'll rewrite, chop and mince a chapter as much as necessary until it reads and fits the way I want it to read and fit. I've even scrapped entire chapters, salvaging only a few good parts and dropping the rest.
4. 4. Ideas sheet - its a document I always keep to paste in ideas I think were good but just in the wrong place in the story.
5. 5. Finally, don't take my word for it. I'm brand new at fiction writing and I'm sure more experienced writers can give you good advice.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

I will hopefully have this implemented before too long along with a new version of the site. It's currently a work in progress, about halfway done.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:

There have been some in the past and some that dabble in a little bit of everything.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Demonic:

I'd love to check it out. I'm kind of in the same boat as you, writing a story but don't have all of it worked out yet. I'll have to check out chapter one.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Kholm:

I read once that military folk are somewhere around 90% more likely to smoke then non military. Now don't mistake that for 90% of military people smoke, but there are a lot who do.

Sometimes there is more to smoking than just the physical effects or the buzz it gives you. As military, I can tell you that the social aspect of smoking (at least in military settings) is something that is very important. Its quite a tradeoff, your health for an abundance of rumours and information. The smoke deck is one of the most useful places to obtain information between divisions and get group collaberations.

Non smokers actually look to the smokers to see if they can "get any information on the smokedeck." While much of it is rumor, the senior smokers are pretty good at weeding out nonsense.

Now, enough of the specific social aspect that makes it seem acceptable to me.

Smoking is bad. Bad bad bad bad. There are tons of cancer causing bits, killing you slowly bits, and bits of well smoke. That crap doesnt need to be in your lungs one bit. But hey, its enjoyable to some extent. It does give you a little buzz, and it does fire off little feel goods in your brain. I am no scientest or doctor so I wont pretend to know what does what or why it is addictive.

It can be a money dump, health dump and give you chronically bad breath.

But for every evil, you just have to know how to properly keep yourself. If you smoke, maybe you should make sure to jog every day, brush your teeth twice as long, and eat a bit healthier. I know I do to try and offset the habit. plus I have to be in tip top shape for most of what I do.

Smoking all comes down to where you are, who you are and how you choose to do it. Hell, it might be a cop-out as some people say when life gets a bit too stressful, but here I am in japan, right after a huge mess. I'm alive, and I've been working 14 hours a day to restore power to several buildings, and helping people in wreckage. Its hard, I'm stressed, and I'll be damned if you tell me I can't have a cig.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

Ah, but I'll bet you were only 6 when you invented this word-fuelled Porsche of a site. in many ways, Chris, I liken you to Matthew Broderick in the movie 'War Games'. Y'know, when he hacks the USA's national defence system and gets to ask Stephen Hawking's 'Speak & Spell' for a game of Thermo Nuclear War? No?
Ah, well, maybe there is too much 80's in this reply, even for you.
But, seriously, Chris, a great achievement, my friend: standards high, membership big and not to mention the atmosphere this place generates.
Here's to 19 more.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:

I'm sure this is a large response, but I'm new here having just joined. I'd have to agree with the comments I've read however. As you write and go back over things you have previously written, you'll reorganize certain things, edit some things out, and change as you go. Don't worry about surviving chapters early on. Write some, then go back and reread it after a little time. You'll find the appropriate pauses to divide into chapters then. I wrote nearly 15,000 words within 3 chapters. Then when I went back a few days later while typing it from my writing, I realized one chapter could actually be two separate ones.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:

So I'm writing a historical fiction that takes place during world war 2. It follows the younger of two brothers throughout the war during his search for his older brother that was shot down over Europe. The younger enlists several months after his older brother, just after pearl harbor. He gets sent to the Pacific where he is wounded, then he volunteers for the rangers after he learns of his brother being a pow. My question is, should I add a love interest in the younger brothers life? I have added a way to do so if I choose to, but not sure how to follow. He has just finished his ranger training and is home on leave before being sent to England.

Forum: Announcements

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Stage 1 of this update, deploying SSL has been completed. All pages should show secure in your browsers and Chrome should report that it is using a "modern cipher suite".

I believe I have found all instances of "mixed insecure content" which usually means an image is being loaded with HTTP instead of HTTPS. I may have missed one or two. Please notify me if you find any by replying to this post.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by msjhord:

My name is Jennifer and I live in the US. I think I have been in love with words since I was a tot, which is probably why I learned to read by age 4. Somewhere around age 8 or 9, my love of writing was awakened and, thanks to writing-happy public schoolteachers, I got plenty of practice in from then on. Fast forward to adulthood -- marriage, parenthood, child with special needs, family crises, family illness, semi-cross country move, blah blah blah. I haven't gotten as much writing practice going on as I used to. I had a brief spate of it a few years ago, but just wasn't in a good place to receive proper criticism, so I put it on hold. Got into other forms of art like painting, jewelry making, fleshing out my cooking skills. Those are going pretty well, but I still have this story in me that I am dying to tell. And maybe it's cliche, maybe it's not. But I want to tell it and tell it RIGHT! I could use some help. So . . . if you could, lemme know if I'm in the right place (I mean, this isn't a forum dedicated to ONLY one genre, right?) and we'll go forth with what's bouncing around in my head. I warn you in advance, though. I'm a little odd, and a little stubborn haha! thanks for the time!!

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:

Mr Cushions, please receive my cyber hug along with a massive apology for such a delayed reply.
I myself am fine and hoping that you and yours are in a similar fettle.
Time is a meagre mistress at the moment and, would you believe, I have written nothing (accept cheques) since this post; lots of family stuff going on . My mam, though not ill, isn't in the best of conditions physically and requires a lot more help than just twelve months ago. Stick that in the pot with a new management regime at work, allow to simmer for twelve months and out comes the best time/stress sandwich you could ever hope to feast upon. At last count the number of unpaid, extra, hours I have bagged at my place of employ totals three weeks. Blimey, with 21 days of uninterrupted writing I could have finished 'the herrings' and cornered the weird/slightly uncomfortable comedy market.
But enough that, onward and upwards as pompous, upper class knobs like to say.
Many thanks for your response to my "Sir Terry" post. I really was gutted at his passing. But since we have our very own 'Savage Pratchet' here on the den, his style (unwittingly echoed by your talented self) shall live on.
As for the election, you were right, Mr Cushions. the herrings were secreting a few creative juices. However, I have been unable to absorb and act upon them because of said time constraints. having said that David Macaroon has enjoyed a few scribbled notes upon the back of work memos and wage slips. Though I call him David Car Moron, since he obviously a cap driver since we never see him........driving.
Blimey, this is the longest time I've spent on the den all year.
Merry Christmas, savage. I hope you and yours have an excellent one and enjoy a fantastic new year.

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by only71stitches:

I'm very new to writing and I didn't do so well in English and Grammar back in my school days... LOL

I have a question that I have not found an actual answer for... Everyone seems to have a different opinion on this...

My character's inner thoughts... I write them initialized... I get that... But when it's a question, what the right format?

Example:

How am I alive? he wonders.
How am I alive? He Wonders.
How am I alive, he wonders?

What's the right way to type that?

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by hobie roberts:

hey so i got an idea for a short story series and i kinda need help with like cover designs and stuff. my idea is for it to be a zombie book, but like through the zombies eyes, ive been thinking about it for a while and finally got some ideas for the actual plot of it, if any one would like to help with it ill give you my Skype, mostly i really need some one who can draw zombies pretty good for a cover of it, ill be printing it at my sisters work and making like short story's, plus my local book store said if they like it they can start to maby promote it there, ill also have it online to.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Found this on Google+ today. Its worth reading and putting into practice.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by mcglone:

Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.

I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.

So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!

I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by mcglone:

Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.

I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.

So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!

I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by Routh:

Heads up for those of you publishing to Amazon. Amazon is looking to change their pay model so you only get paid for pages read.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology...-read.html

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by LawMatheson:

(DOSCO Spoiler Warning) I have been doing my research, it doesn't seem like there is much venue for GOOD gay literature (other than whiny 'coming out' stories from New York Times Best Sellers, where that is the ONLY focus of the novel), so I have been talking to some friends (other gay writers) from Brazil and Spain, both friends of mine. Together, we are thinking of banding together, gathering our friends/family/followers into one web site, offering things the other gay publishing house websites don't offer (I drew up a 30 page business proposal yesterday, so I have the research), market in three languages, sell in three countries (and help one another out shipping the others books when it is cheaper for them), and use the website as a platform to blast our books. We could then branch out to other gay writers from around the world, and publish for them if they are in a 'closed' country and they can't.

Does anyone have any advice on this? This is a large dream of mine, one I am just discovering, but one that is coming together. Advice and criticism is always helpful (just know that 'impossible' is my fuel).

I'm a dreamer; Even if I die with unfulfilled dreams, I will know I have done everything I could to chase after them; Rather than live 'comfortably' suppressing those aspirations.

Forum: Storyteller's Fire

Last post on thread was by Vollkrasser:

Hi,

I made a script/plot for new cases in the traditional style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle"™s stories of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. That script is the basis for a non-commercial online adventure game version.

The first previews of the game are"¦

...here in video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGY4thv8wG0

...here pics with the final lightning, scroll down in the forum, the last post on page 1 forum

...here is the first scene playable online (graphics there are just placeholdeers and will be replaced):
http://textadventures.co.uk/games/vie...n-of-sheba

The game ought to be in British English, best would be the old Victorian style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I"™m not a native English speaker, and it would be a sacrilege to have even the slightest foreign accent for this. That would be German in my case, which is reserved for the villains already ;-)

So I"™m looking for a writer, who would like to take part in this project for free as I also do.
The workflow would be that he/she starts from my bad English script and writes a nice round story out of it that can then be the novel part of the adventure. Think of it as a bit like Dr. Watson did with the bare facts of Holmes: he made entertaining and exciting stories out of it. It would be similar with our cooperation for the adventure.

Best would be if the writer speaks a bit german, but it"™s not a must.
The final game will be free and online playable by everybody even without registration on the above platform.

The game is afoot!

If youre interested, just contact me via e-mail, which is described in 2 parts (to avoid-auto spam crawlers):
the first part is
reinarassa
the second part is
@googlemail.com
combine the two and you have the valid e-mail.

Best regards from germany/Bavaria!

Vollkrasser

Forum: The Editor's Desk

Last post on thread was by Routh:

This latest question should be posted into a new topic. Please use one thread per topic. Multiple topics in one thread is too difficult for people to follow and destroys a thread.

Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues

Last post on thread was by Routh:

NovaCops writing has been fixed.

Thats all the reported work for now, please report any others.

Forum: General Discussion

Last post on thread was by EvilUncleEarnie:

Thanks again for the suggestions... I have written poems and short stories, but something this involved is a challenge. Thanks again...