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A feed of the latest writings posted to The Den.
"Deducing from what the rules say, it is best for us if we keep all of our members alive for as long as possible. Even with these circumstances, we must live on, for our own sake and for his sake. I know what we must do. This way, failure cannot happen."
Additional Posts
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A free verse poem
This is a section of chapter 13 of my novel "Our Fathers' Ashes. After Jakob's incident at school, the school board dictates that he is required to attend sessions to work on his "issues." He finds himself in the office of a new psychiatrist.
A Horror story that takes Dylan (our main protagonist) on a wild adventure over the course of one night. At the end of the night either Dylan will be dead, or the sick and twisted organisation he works for will be.
I rewrote the first 2 chapters because they sucked, hopefully you’ll agree.
I wrote this so someone can turn this into a manga
A stop at a cafe turns bloody as our protagonists struggle to escape a snipers bullets.
Additional Posts
Sorrow. Despair. Fear. Hope. Redemption. Freedom. A short story about a great loss and its consequences. (One shot)
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A young woman discovers Greek gods are real and she isn't completely mortal. Come along on the adventure as Madeline Heart discovers how to use her powers and finds love along the way with the God of the Underworld.
Additional Posts
The world is in danger. A great monster is rising from the core of the Earth and only one can stop him. Henderson, an orphan. No family, no property, nothing to his name, but his good heart. The legend about the Prince of Fate has been told for hundreds of years and it's about to become a reality.
"Vampires are but weak, fictional characters" had we always been told when growing up, but in London 2019, they are very real, and very dangerous. Only the elite group of Vampire Slayers, the Hunters, dare to stand up against these mysterious monsters.
This is an excerpt from a lengthy chapter (verbosity, a bad habit of mine!). Otto Weschler, father of Hannah (the orphan girl who went on to live with the Okker brothers and their uncle in London during the war), a Jewish architect and teacher of some esteem, had recently had an affair with Gerda, a gentile student who finds herself pregnant. The couple had feared that her family, Nazi supporters, would find out about their affair. This scene presents the girl's uncle, a wealthy Nazi member visiting Otto's parents' chocolate shop in Vienna on the advice of his niece, seeking a gift for the Chancellor whom had invited him to a party.
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Additional Posts
Discovering who you are and why.
It's my first attempt to write, just trying to express myself
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I was just playing around and it kind of came to me. It's not the beginning nor is it the end. I haven't really planned their names yet either. It's the very first draft, so it hasn't been edited yet. hope you enjoy. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
In alphabetical order, here is my list of favourite films this year, so far (Updates are being made)
The fury of a storm
This is the beginning of my first-ever story. I write in my native language (German), then translate to English, so I'm especially grateful for critique concerning phrasing and grammar. The general story idea is about a girl with a certain past learning about human interactions.
Use caution when reading between the lines
Old school thinking that women should be seen and not heard
Additional Posts
A short story based on a recent dream.
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Being the Reaper is a difficult, and emotionally taxing job. Most who bare it’s mantle quickly find that it’s easier to dissociate oneself from those that you reap, lest you be driven insane by despair. The current Reaper has learned from the past not to get attached, but when Yuno Sasaki, a young man Slated to die soon, is found to have an absolutely pure soul, She finds herself inexplicably drawn to him.
The hardest part of adopting a new profession is getting started
A brief poem inspired by my time in Afghanistan
This chapter reveals a series of letters between Nate and Mickey's mother in Amsterdam and their uncle in London where they spend their summer holidays just before Britain declares war on Germany.
"One day I'm gonna make it out of here, just you wait," She took another sip of her soda, "I'll find a place in the village just out of town and settle, be a writer or some shit. Find a cottage and live in peace, away from the bastards that make mine and yours and Otis's and Hayley's lives all hell,"
My initial dabbling with poetry composition (very brief)
shrug
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The teacher, on his way to a meeting with the school principal and student, reads an old war journal of his during the final days of the war.
Madeline Weller was the girl everyone in Thorndon Town wanted to be, but her secrets might have been what led to her sudden disappearance. Her mysterious disappearce pulls Lily into a whirlwind of lies, secrets and dangerous tales in hopes of finding her best friend whilst keeping herself alive in the process.
After the "incident"with his student Jakob, Ian McCloud finds himself with the added troubles of domestic life.
chapter 3 in my attempt at a cultivation novel
In the opening chapter of the novel we meet Jakob Okker, named after his grandfather, who along with his grandmother and aunts, had perished at Sobibor, the Nazi death camp. He is the son of Nathan, who with his uncle Mickey, are the two main protagonists in the novel. We find a troubled Jakob in a Toronto high school classroom 17 years after the brothers emigrated to Canada following the war. Many people view Canada as a very welcoming country, known for its liberal immigration policies and ethnic diversity, especially Toronto which today is arguably the most ethnic diverse city in the world with visible minorities now greater than half of the population. But as the chapter reveals, it wasn't alway so, particularly during the two or three decades following the end of WW2. It is particularly relevant in today's increasing climate of racism and xenophobia--a sober reminder that hate can still rear its ugly head even after the lessons supposedly learned from the last war. The fact I am submitting it now, as the midterm elections results are just a few hours away, is no coincidence!
the second chapter of my attempt at a cultivation novel
Additional Posts
About a Sci-Fi Story
Mindgames, my collection of deja-vu flashes
Being constantly harassed and falsely accused
Loyalty is relative
This historical novel chronicles the lives of the Okkers, a Dutch Jewish family living in Amsterdam who get caught up in the struggles and horrors of World War Two and the Nazi occupation. The novel meanders chronologically through time and place, including events in Amsterdam, Vienna, Danzig, and Toronto. The story reveals itself through the journals, diaries, and narrative of those experiencing the hardships and horrors of war and the emotional and physical collateral damage. I have randomly chosen this chapter for critique.
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The hardships she must endure to provide for her family
She sings by night
A bit of fan fiction, based on Frank Herbert's "Dune" novels.
A feed of the latest comments on The Den.
Thanks, Lonely.
Love it; bold and straight, good rhythm, nice! 
right]
Not bad for your first piece; I like it! The more you write you'll see improvement.[/right]
[/Pretty nice, Good example, keep writing
Thanks for the comments, duly noted. More to come soon.
Well written but not enough here to evaluate beyond that.
... told me that Reader's Digest was... {whatever punctuation you use for periodicals be consistent}
... write the time down[,] Abigail?"
She swallows loudly... {had to decide who "She" was -- patient or receptionist}
So, Lonely, this is pretty much in character with what you (and other misguided ones) call free verse -- a term which is an oxymoron since "verse" implies form and pattern while "free" means the opposite. Kind of like saying "bright black" or "soft cacophony." Aloud most of it reads smoothly (the only characteristic possibly distinguishing "free verse" from "prose" ) although the commercial trailer for 'Game Of Thrones' in the middle seems out of place. There are a few spots where it's a little rough, but I guess that's part of the freedom.
... wasn't what I planed {"planned"}
... fortune scrap our transgressions clean {"scrape" maybe?}
... presently have made {"presently" properly means "soon" not "now" although this misuse is on almost every list of common errors in English so you'll only have complaints if you run into a nitpicker and I'm sure you don't know anyone like that -- right?}
"If I'd only then had taken time, to pause, reflect and listen, {"I'd" = "I had" so one "had" too many; don't forget the "Oxford comma" after "reflect"}
Wishing you two an armistice or at least a cease fire. Write on.
Hannah, note that I write and comment based on S.E. (Simplified English: Routh's term for the US and, strangely, Israeli bastardized version of our almost common language) and I am unfamiliar with some peculiarities and aberrations of P.E. (Primitive English, my label for the UK/CAN/AUS version). You didn't say directly but I presume from your writing you also wrote in S.E. here. The best authority I know for "correct" syntax in S.E. is the 'Chicago Manual of Style' which is also the "bible" of many editors. CMOS is available on-line as well as in hard copy. It may be a little stilted in places -- OK, a lot stilted in a lot of places -- but if you are serious about writing it will be a great help. There are also a number of programs which identify grammatical errors with varying degrees of effectiveness: 'Grammarly" is allegedly one of the better ones. It really is essential to learn the rules so that when you break them, as you will, you will do so consciously and produce the effect you want. You will also find it helpful to study the works of writers you wish to emulate with attention to their methods and style. Write on.
To Alex, Thank you so much for reading this. I really do appreciate your time and effort. Proper grammatical syntax has always been a problem, lack of formal education i guess. Is there some resource that you would recommend which demonstrates good and proper usage of all the things i clearly need help with ? 
Much thanks in advance.
Glad to see you held off on long enough to post this.
Very well written with a few problems, one of which "comma splice" occurs many times -- once even 4 times in one sentence. Also, small numbers (the exact limit varies but at least all under 100) should be spelled out.
Slayin {"The Slayin' Wagon" or "The Slaying Wagon" only use I know for "slayin" refers to a person who is ultra chic in modern slang}
The night air was cold and crisp, every breath felt like icy fingers restricting his lungs. {This is a comma splice: a comma can't usually join 2 complete sentences. Use : or ; or sometimes -- (dash). The next sentence has one also, as do many others.}
... black, Hoodie, black jeans and black sneakers. {1st comma maybe should be : and no capital "H" (2 places) I also prefer the "Oxford comma" as do many editors so a comma after "jeans"}
... Carmine ave would... {"Ave." or "Avenue"}
... much more caution than their... {"cautious" or "act with much more caution"}
... living room, its how he knew... {"it's" (2 places)}
... definitely not excepted. {"expected" maybe}
... bosom a little more... admit, they were full... {"bosom" is singular; "they" is plural -- this is difficult to word both correctly and so it makes sense in English, especially S.E. or USA English}
Since Dylan had not gone upstairs on his sole prior in-house excursion, you should explain how he knew the bedroom assignments.
Good introduction; hope you last long enough to finish the story. Write on.
Intriguing story. Kept me interested to the end. Some suggestions. As previously commented, paragraphs should be double spaced. The name "Cullum" is too redundant, try "he" sometimes. First paragraph: "Cullem's" should be Cullum's" to be name consistent. "1 or 2" seconds should "one or two." "Cullum watches the chair split in half.....omit "though." "Sweating buckets" too much of a cliche. Try another description. "....after he lands" is redundant. "Callum says pale." Try something like "Callum, his face pale with fear." "The world around him beings--should be "begins." All in all a good effort and much improved over previous chapter.
Mike, this is simply an ad -- it has been here before. Usually I place such advertisers in my "Never Deal With" file but since I have no plans to visit India in the near future and, in any event, my liberal better half does draw the line at "escorts" that would serve no purpose.
With all due respect, Escort, this appears not to be in any way a place to present commercial ads but rather a site for posting original amateur writing. Obviously English is not your first language. If I misunderstood your efforts, that in fact this is a fictional account ( perhaps a satire ), then forgive me. If not I suggest you get on a web site such as Craigslist. Be well.
Smipple, much better than the previous draft, but some of the comments still apply, notably double spacing paragraphs and putting separate speaker's dialog in separate paragraphs.
After shoving it down and re-locking it, {it = the window? Didn't know it was open.}
“Breakfast is getting cold!”. {the final period should be omitted}
I put this roof over our heads I don’t need to justify who I’m seeing!” {: or : needed after "heads"}
... he makes his way to the dairy. ... as he makes his way to the dairy. {vary your wording}
... whose keeping track.’ {"who's" is short for "who is" -- "whose" is possessive}
Welcome, Black. The idea here is pretty much you turn it into whatever it should be. Don't know what the format for a manga would look like in English, but there are a lot of typos, missing or awkward punctuation, missing capitals, etc. Maybe someone else in the Den works in your medium. God luck.
- “shin you’re going to math so can I have your science book please”.
"Shin, you’re going to math so can I have your science book please?”
The day pasted again in a boring blink.
The day passed again in a boring blink.
Excellent work here. I'm not much into poetry but I can tell when something is beautiful, and this truly is. Kind of sad reading this lines, but most people feel similar to this at some point in life.
Anguish and loneliness can be easily felt in this writing. Sad lines but powerful. I like it.
I really like the imaginery in this haiku.
Almost can see the vulture waiting for its prey to die. Creepy.
Welcome, Luz. Kudos for writing in a 3rd language -- but no consideration in comments, at least from me. Note that I write and comment based on S.E. (Simplified English: Routh's term for the US and, strangely, Israeli bastardized version of our almost common language) and I am unfamiliar with some peculiarities and aberrations of P.E. (Primitive English, my label for the UK/CAN/AUS version). If I indicate as an error or less desirable choice in wording or punctuation that which is actually correct or preferred in P.E., then I stand corrected and you should ignore that comment unless you intend significant P.E. readership. Very well written. The short, incomplete sentences may be a bit over used, but overall quite effective.
... to facebook, instagram[,] or some other... {I prefer the "oxford comma" as do many editors.}
But not before... them, of course. {Not a sentence: occasionally OK, but don't overuse.}
... what makes us women removed. {unclear to me}
Three hour(s) flight and I finally... {usually "Three hour flight..."}
... thriller movie in one of them. {"on" one of them}
... needed and longed [for] fresh air.
... and let[s] my mind travel...
... truck run over my head. {"ran"}
Damn, but you do have a sick, twisted mind. I expect great reads from you. This is a dark tale indeed, and the imagery, especially of the dream/nightmare scenes, is really captivating. Obviously, this is not autobiographical, unless you are into psychography, but you must have had some truly horrifying ones yourself. I especially liked the illogical (seeing the beautiful 'green' trees in the dark) and disjointed (the white owl, previously only heard, just appearing as if he's always been there) items such as do occur in dreams. At the end, I am uncertain if she actually jumped from the window of her room or if she remains in the nightmare. That didn't distract. (I lean toward the former.)
Looking forward to more sick shit. Write on.
Haven, my comments on chapter 1 generally apply here as well. Comma usage is one of the most complex aspects of syntax but also one of the most important to make writing readable. There are a lot of places where commas are missing and also some where a different punctuation should be used. When you set off modifying clauses with commas it makes reading a lot smoother.
Welcome, Haven.
Sometimes indents and/or white space starting a paragraph are lost by this site's word processor, which makes reading tedious. We usually handle that by double-spacing between paragraphs. After you post, you should go to 'Latest Activity' and 'Read' your entry to see it as others will. (Yeah, it's a pain, but you'll get used to it.)
Feeling confident... blossoms, she... her clothes. (there are others -- as last sentence this paragraph)
this is a comma splice: a comma can't usually join two complete sentences. use : or ;
into her bag[,] and slipped on flats (I prefer the 'Oxford comma' as do many editors)
Her desk[,] a polished... CPU in one corner, (reads better with the comma setting off the clause)
“Good morning[,] Mr. Waters.
be different kinds of clients (or) be a different kind of clients
He watched her surprised when he saw her eyes flare... (awkwardly worded)
lo and behold
I can see I'm going to have to brush up on my Greek mythology. Write on.
Good job, nice rhythm.
A deeply felted poem, Knox, well done. Just a few misspelled words, good job
Nicely said. I like the way the words flow.
Really enjoyed your poem, a few misspelled words but in all good job, very nice
simple poetry, but very heart felt. Really wonderful to read.
Welcome, Hero. Kudos for writing in a 2nd (or 3rd or ??) language -- but expect no consideration in the comments, at least from me.
Sometimes indents and/or white space starting a paragraph are lost by this site's word processor, which makes reading tedious. We usually handle that by double-spacing between paragraphs. After you post, you should go to 'Latest Activity' and 'Read' your entry to see it as others will. (Yeah, it's a pain, but you'll get used to it.)
This needs editing: Watch initial capitals to start sentences, and spaces before sentences. Look for missing letters (as in the ending). I put my writings aside for a few days and then edit -- that works fairly well for me; find what works for you.
Haven may be new, but her comments are right on point.
Waiting to see where this goes. Write on.
Grey, the 2 comments were unrelated although the confusion is understandable.
punctuation needed separating thoughts from leading/following words
Verbatim thoughts should be treated like direct quotes except '...' and/or italics instead of "..." and they should also be separated by punctuation:
Focus on the prey, Sawyer thought to himself, You’re here now: no turning back.
(italics don't work in comments: use your italics in above)
'Focus on the prey,' Sawyer thought to himself, 'You’re here now: no turning back.'
Italics is probably better as ' can be confused with apostrophes and secondary quotes (primary in P.E.)
Note: unless your character is knowingly telepathic, 'thought to himself' is redundant (to whom else?)
Also, the last thought was a comma splice: a , can't usually join two complete sentences.
'Without noticing, two red eyes...'
as written, grammatically, it's the eyes not noticing; maybe use 'Without him noticing, two red eyes...'
In case I didn't make it clear previously, I'm a nitpicker.
Thanks for your input Haven0412. It doesn't matter that you are new all help and advice is welcome. I am not native to the English language but i am the best in my class. i have been interested in writing for a long time. I even wrote a play for school and it ended up in the city's theater. I will take your comment into consideration when I edit it. I am interested in anything else that might need some work. Have a nice day.
I'm new here so feel free to ignore my suggestions. When reading your story I had a hard time staying on track with your thoughts. Suddenly your character Henderson is making holes in walls and I didn't know he was magical to begin with. There are also several typos which make it hard for me to read. You are using the wrong through, you have threw in your writing and that means to have thrown something, you want to use the word through which means looking/getting through something. Over all I think you have a good story you just need to streamline your thoughts a bit more.
Alex,
Thanks for the advise, I'll edit it as soon as I can.
One question though: I didn't really get what you meant with "punctuation needed separating thoughts from leading/following words
'Without noticing,' as written, it's the eyes not noticing"
Could you please explain this further?
Thanks Alex for your feedback. You are spot on! If I were anywhere near being publishable, I would hire you as my editor although with our Canuck $ being so anemic, I don't think I could afford you! I do apologize for not being transparent enough about the chronological context of the story. I present the scene after the initial part of the chapter which describes the events a year prior when Otto and Gerda find out she is pregnant. Otto is obviously very much alive until a later chapter that takes place 4 years hence when Otto is murdered trying to defend the main synagogue in Danzig from a mob of Nazi supporters. I look foreward to further critique as I find it very valuable for the evolution of my writing skills. Happy New Year.
Mike, the description is confusing. The father of orphan Hannah? So he must be dead, not impregnating gentile Gerda -- Hannah's mother? There must be a time sequence that makes this all fit, but without a few clues, it escapes me.
'... whom had invited him to a party.' "who" subject of the clause
'a magnificent looking, huge dark coloured motor car.' "looking" not needed; additional punctuation is
'... talking about Frau Shulte",' from description expected "Fraulein" -- ages? married?
'with much ungratefulness!' needs closing "
'... variety of the his shop's specialties:' omit "the" or "his"
'... panels from their wooden doors.' last 4 words unnecessary
Oops! OK, Hannah isn't Gerda's kid. Maybe she & Otto older than I thought & it was a respectful rather than married "Frau" above. However, I shouldn't have to guess. Also, I don't know any Jew who would replace a spit-upon mezuzah without cleaning it -- even if it weren't Nazi spit.
In general, direct quotes from separate speakers should be in separate paragraphs.
This episode displays the inconsistent dichotomous Nazi pre-war attitude toward Jews dramatically -- maybe too dramatically? Bringing identifiable "Judenschwein" treats to the Chancellor? A little much.
Also, I found it hard to believe Otto wouldn't know about Speer. Not sure exactly when this is set, but Speer had already been making his mark: every architect in Europe surely knew of him.
Perhaps the entire chapter would have the stage set for this scene, but as it stands there was too much I couldn't place in context -- and this isn't a mystery, as far as I know.
Grey, this reminded me of another writing but your profile shows only this post. h, well.
This needs a lot of editing, especially the last 2 paragraphs.
'This night had been... streets had been...' "had been" twice suggests both events at the same time -- maybe "would have been" for the 2nd occurrence
'... single soul walks...' present tense doesn't fit with the rest
Direct quotes from separate speakers should be in separate paragraphs usually.
'... with this, silence and...' need some other punctuation here, maybe ; or : instead of ,
'Focus on the pray Sawyer...' "prey" (although he should have been praying also)
punctuation needed separating thoughts from leading/following words
'Without noticing,' as written, it's the eyes not noticing
Write on.
Technically very well written, divy -- content not so much. You need to say something different or at least say the same old things differently. Still, for a first effort, not so bad. (I had the good sense to show my first efforts only to the fireplace.) Write on.
So you're throwing your opinion into the "nature or nurture" debate, TTT. Agree with Don (as I do distressingly often): really well written. Couple of places where double-spacing between paragraphs would help. Not mush to argue about with your message. I've always thought it's kind of like a wood carving: the finished product is a combination of the carver's art worked upon the natural character of the material. Write on.
Not enough here to tell much. Develop it a bit and give us a peek.
Your usual quality.
Sorry, but I didn't get much from this. I've read it too many times before.
Very well written.
I can't. (I've posted a Sad emoji, but instead I had a yellow asshole who was thumbing you down.)
Saad I gotta be honest with you. I have read your poem few times already but I still don't understand it. I am probably not sensitive enough to get your message. Could you expand or explain it?
Welcome, AKHR. Kudos, but no letting errors slide, for writing in 2nd (or 3rd or ??) language. Note that I write and comment based on S.E. (Simplified English: Routh's term for the US and, strangely, Israeli bastardized version of our almost common language) and I am unfamiliar with some peculiarities and aberrations of P.E. (Primitive English, my label for the UK/CAN/AUS version). If you intend significant P.E. readership and I indicate as an error or less desirable choice in wording or punctuation that which is actually correct or preferred in P.E., then I stand corrected and you should ignore that comment.
'... cause [an] unpleasant scramble.' or '... cause unpleasant scrambling.'
'Even though I was... above, but that... legwear.' "Even though" or "but" s/b omitted: as written, this is 2 dependent clauses
'I deemed it to be okay.' "deemed" is overly formal for your style
'I dyed them...' "it" or "mine" not them: S.E. rules for plural nouns are messed up. Basically, if the noun acts/is acted upon as a unit, it is treated as singular; if not, then as plural. Correctly one should say, "The audience applauds as it rises in a standing ovation and then they leave or return to their seats for intermission." However, hardly anybody follows those rules and the noun is usually treated as singular unless it is disruptive.
'I could tell them something...' "them" still seems to be referring to "hair"
... from Finland[.]"
'... this meant: only two...' : unnecessary
'... she continued talking:' , preferred over : here
'... like[,] "Nice to meet you: I hope we'll become good friends," and...'
'... sorting them out.' "it" not "them"
In normal text ellipses can be effective, but only when used very sparingly. I over use them also.
You should attribute the 'White Coats' quotes.
Quite an interesting opening. Basically very well written despite a few syntax errors, but only a few by type and all easily corrected. Schreib weiter!
Overdue welcome, Tee. Since your profile indicates Canadian, I assume you write for a P.E. audience. Note that I write and comment based on S.E. (Simplified English: Routh's term for the US and, strangely, Israeli bastardized version of our almost common language) and I am unfamiliar with some peculiarities and aberrations of P.E. (Primitive English, my label for the UK/CAN/AUS version). If I indicate as an error or less desirable choice in wording or punctuation that which is actually correct or preferred in P.E., then I stand corrected and you should ignore that comment unless you intend significant P.E. readership.
"He couldn’t breathe... himself, why couldn’t..." comma splice; in next sentence as well
Normally, a , shouldn't join 2 clauses that can stand alone as valid sentences. Either:
1) make them separate sentences
2) use a conjunction or connecting word ("and" "or" etc.) between them
3) use different punctuation, as : or : or even (as possibly in 1st instance here) --
(there are several comma splices herein)
"alright" is formally considered not a valid S.E. word, although it is ever more commonly used
'... speak with you[,]” the nurse calmly said.'
... with the nurse. “ we really... may receive” ... with the nurse, “We really... may receive.”
“When can I see her[,] Doc?”
'... someone he loved as much as he loved his wife.' grammatically, each "he" refers to the doctor
'... her husband. I will allow...' '... her husband, I will allow...' 1st clause isn't a sentence
“I’d also like... further notice” “I’d also like... further notice.” who speaks here?
'He agreed with his boss 100%.' where did whose boss come from?
"But he’d... boss, the man... handling it, all... his wife." 2 comma splices joining 3 sentences
"He’d also never get how..." forget?
'it was too dark,' 'It was too dark,' 2 places
An interesting vignette, but it is unkind to arouse interest and then not do anything with it. Well written despite a lot of easily-corrected syntax errors.
Good writing (even if it isn't poetry in my book) and enjoyable as usual. A few rough spots: read aloud the melody fails in some places.
"and bless" s/b "to bless" or "and blesses" maybe? (1st fits rhythm better: this stanza actually poetic!)
Write on!
Yes, man!
The "Digital Age"
Trying.
A feed of the latest discussions on The Den.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Routh:
With the recent post flood that the site saw, I was made aware of some incorrect expectations of what specific pages are intended to be used for, and reminded of some of the issues on this version of the site.
Firstly, the intended place to see the latest posts is the 'Latest Activity Feed', now featured with the link 'Latest Activity' in the main menu to clarify it's use. This view shows the latest 50 posts or more, and will concatenate multiple posts by one user to a single entry. This is the best and only place you should be using to 'catch up' from your last visit.
The 'Newest' page in the Writings Archive (now renamed to Library) has been renamed to 'Newest to Oldest'. This page is a chronological archive view for searching through all posts by date, and it is not intended for users to use to catch up on posts. As such, post concatenation will never be used here. Not to mention that post concatenation is largely incompatible with pagination, and to try and do both cleanly and without error would make for a very slow page.
Now, on the topic of the post flood, which has been discussed before here. The new version of the site will introduce the Karma system, which will be a point based system that will give users points for commenting, posting forum posts and rating writings, and deduct points for posting writings. New users will start with enough points for 2 posts, and old users will earn a score based on their history. This is intended to solve the biggest issue The Den faces in the 'social' era of the Internet, where users have become rather anti-social and post content expecting comments without participating on the site by doing so themselves. To be clear though, if a user has enough posts to post 30 writings at once, the Karma system will not prevent this, and never will. This will be handled via post concatenation in the feeds, which will prevent other users posts from being pushed off the feeds by mass posting. The Library pages however will never concatenate posts.
Version 5 will also introduce the concept of 'following' a writer. So if you want to ensure you never miss posts by your favourite writers, you will be able to follow them and you will have a dedicated 'following' feed to just these users posts and activity.
Forum: Announcements
Last post on thread was by Routh:
Update:
I stand corrected, gender was part of v4 and not v3, and v3 did allow me to remove birthdate. So that field and all it's data have been removed from user profiles and the database.
Forum: Help and Support
Last post on thread was by Fictitiously imaginative:
Hey.....just joined the site......cud u pls help me find the 'Submit Writing' option...... can't really find it
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Loothier:
About ten, maybe even fifteen years ago, when the Internet was still young, I chanced upon an amateur author's website. I spent many nights reading his stories about the ever-diminishing possibilities of science caused by more-dimensional beings squeezed into our world, and the immortal lady (created accidentally in some scientific experiment) struggling to keep the human race alive through the eons, storing knowledge in the roughest form possible as the universe kept loosing detail. Another story was about superheroes that got exponentially more powerful, and more deranged, each time a new one was turned, and the previous people who tried to stop the next ones. Around the tragic time I lost the bookmark, he was writing about magic (which worked like programming with math inside the mind) used to engineer some parts in a space shuttle that exploded. His website had yellow text on a dark gray blue background, if I remember correctly. He did occasional rant posts on science and programming subjects too.
I would very much like to read those stories again. Does someone on this forum know the author or his website? Or a better place to ask?
Forum: The Editor's Desk
Last post on thread was by chancematthews01:
I am a new amateur writer. I have book one already posted. I would really like help with editing. Do a Search for "Chi Warrior Saga - Book 1"
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Phillip Cain:
Hello all. Subject is pretty straight forward. I have been considering a switch in majors at my local community college into creative writing or something close to it (not even fully aware of my options yet to be honest), but I would like to know how it happened for you. Was it an epiphany moment, something you fell into, or something that was always present in you.
edit: it really labels me an ink virgin lol, what a knee slapper
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:
Now that's a proper critique and hard, fair and good advice.
The one draw back for me about E-books, Kindle & such is that 'anyone' can publish. For example there's a guy who puts out fabulous, professional covers and calls himself Stephen King. The type face is even similar, very much similar, in-fact. But he is not the Stephen King. a fact that is painfully evident once you start suffering......I mean reading.
There are also some excellent stories and ideas but the writing is not to the standard you would expect.
Forum: Help and Support
Last post on thread was by ChristianDudette:
Hi, Could someone manually do my avatar too? It doesn't seem to be loading either. Thanks.
Forum: Help and Support
Last post on thread was by Nurwanti:
I also have the same question, thanks for asking
Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues
Last post on thread was by Routh:
This should not be an issue anymore.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Routh:
This short post has some quick and easy ways to improve your writing.
https://medium.com/an-idea-for-you/the-two-minutes-it-takes-to-read-this-will-improve-your-writing-forever-82a7d01441d1#.vr45txmxo
Forum: Off Topics
Last post on thread was by SirSludge:
It's been years and now it's back
we got the counting in the sack
Now in this fort
there is a court
but you do not sue
because it's 22!
.
.
.
No, that's not right!
The numbers aren't tight
I don't want to be a bore,
but I tell you, it's 54!
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Don Roble:
Forget original. The last original idea was Jules Verne.
Write what you want. Write it as well as you can. If you post it, someone will read and comment. It sometimes takes a week or so. You will get the unvarnished truth. There's certain rules that never change in writing. Opinions as to the story or whatever you write is just an opinion. Never, never take it personally. Personal stuff will be deleted.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Don Roble:
If the narrator is unable to hear it you can't tell it. Write the one side to be obvious in what is being said.
"You were hit by a rock?"
"Twenty-two stitches! Wow!"
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Don Roble:
I don't know where to start answering this question.
Look around the net for basic writing. That's a start.
I would skip that and write. The primary thing is to tell a story. Don't try to tell it like anyone but yourself. Don't rush things. Writing takes time. read your own words as you start each writing session. Keep the pace even.
Check your spelling. Check your grammar. Read it out loud. Does it sound right?
Don't look too far ahead unless you have an outline of what you want to achieve.
There are other things to do but this is a start.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by trubolotta:
Just a few suggestions from someone who has done a lot of technical writing but now wants to do SciFi writing.
- 1. Set up a crib sheet of people (or entities), places and things with descriptions to help you be consistent throughout the story. You don't have to reveal all detail at one time, but being consistent over a period of time helps readers.
- 2. I write a plot outline and sometimes three, four or five. Some interconnect, some do not. Some I dump and some I polish. It doesn't take long and can be very generalized using your own brand of shorthand.
- 3. Work your chapters. I'll rewrite, chop and mince a chapter as much as necessary until it reads and fits the way I want it to read and fit. I've even scrapped entire chapters, salvaging only a few good parts and dropping the rest.
- 4. Ideas sheet - its a document I always keep to paste in ideas I think were good but just in the wrong place in the story.
- 5. Finally, don't take my word for it. I'm brand new at fiction writing and I'm sure more experienced writers can give you good advice.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Routh:
I will hopefully have this implemented before too long along with a new version of the site. It's currently a work in progress, about halfway done.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:
There have been some in the past and some that dabble in a little bit of everything.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Demonic:
I'd love to check it out. I'm kind of in the same boat as you, writing a story but don't have all of it worked out yet. I'll have to check out chapter one.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Kholm:
I read once that military folk are somewhere around 90% more likely to smoke then non military. Now don't mistake that for 90% of military people smoke, but there are a lot who do.
Sometimes there is more to smoking than just the physical effects or the buzz it gives you. As military, I can tell you that the social aspect of smoking (at least in military settings) is something that is very important. Its quite a tradeoff, your health for an abundance of rumours and information. The smoke deck is one of the most useful places to obtain information between divisions and get group collaberations.
Non smokers actually look to the smokers to see if they can "get any information on the smokedeck." While much of it is rumor, the senior smokers are pretty good at weeding out nonsense.
Now, enough of the specific social aspect that makes it seem acceptable to me.
Smoking is bad. Bad bad bad bad. There are tons of cancer causing bits, killing you slowly bits, and bits of well smoke. That crap doesnt need to be in your lungs one bit. But hey, its enjoyable to some extent. It does give you a little buzz, and it does fire off little feel goods in your brain. I am no scientest or doctor so I wont pretend to know what does what or why it is addictive.
It can be a money dump, health dump and give you chronically bad breath.
But for every evil, you just have to know how to properly keep yourself. If you smoke, maybe you should make sure to jog every day, brush your teeth twice as long, and eat a bit healthier. I know I do to try and offset the habit. plus I have to be in tip top shape for most of what I do.
Smoking all comes down to where you are, who you are and how you choose to do it. Hell, it might be a cop-out as some people say when life gets a bit too stressful, but here I am in japan, right after a huge mess. I'm alive, and I've been working 14 hours a day to restore power to several buildings, and helping people in wreckage. Its hard, I'm stressed, and I'll be damned if you tell me I can't have a cig.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:
Ah, but I'll bet you were only 6 when you invented this word-fuelled Porsche of a site. in many ways, Chris, I liken you to Matthew Broderick in the movie 'War Games'. Y'know, when he hacks the USA's national defence system and gets to ask Stephen Hawking's 'Speak & Spell' for a game of Thermo Nuclear War? No?
Ah, well, maybe there is too much 80's in this reply, even for you.
But, seriously, Chris, a great achievement, my friend: standards high, membership big and not to mention the atmosphere this place generates.
Here's to 19 more.
Forum: Storyteller's Fire
Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:
I'm sure this is a large response, but I'm new here having just joined. I'd have to agree with the comments I've read however. As you write and go back over things you have previously written, you'll reorganize certain things, edit some things out, and change as you go. Don't worry about surviving chapters early on. Write some, then go back and reread it after a little time. You'll find the appropriate pauses to divide into chapters then. I wrote nearly 15,000 words within 3 chapters. Then when I went back a few days later while typing it from my writing, I realized one chapter could actually be two separate ones.
Forum: Storyteller's Fire
Last post on thread was by Dcouch87:
So I'm writing a historical fiction that takes place during world war 2. It follows the younger of two brothers throughout the war during his search for his older brother that was shot down over Europe. The younger enlists several months after his older brother, just after pearl harbor. He gets sent to the Pacific where he is wounded, then he volunteers for the rangers after he learns of his brother being a pow. My question is, should I add a love interest in the younger brothers life? I have added a way to do so if I choose to, but not sure how to follow. He has just finished his ranger training and is home on leave before being sent to England.
Forum: Announcements
Last post on thread was by Routh:
Stage 1 of this update, deploying SSL has been completed. All pages should show secure in your browsers and Chrome should report that it is using a "modern cipher suite".
I believe I have found all instances of "mixed insecure content" which usually means an image is being loaded with HTTP instead of HTTPS. I may have missed one or two. Please notify me if you find any by replying to this post.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Don Roble:
You're in the right place. Any genre works here.
As for critiques, the ones you get won't be- That's nice. It might be - That's nice because. There may be a but there too.
You also will get critiqued on grammar and spelling. You will know if your plot makes sense, not if it's any good; that's up to you.
To sum up- yea, this is the right place.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:
Mr Cushions, please receive my cyber hug along with a massive apology for such a delayed reply.
I myself am fine and hoping that you and yours are in a similar fettle.
Time is a meagre mistress at the moment and, would you believe, I have written nothing (accept cheques) since this post; lots of family stuff going on . My mam, though not ill, isn't in the best of conditions physically and requires a lot more help than just twelve months ago. Stick that in the pot with a new management regime at work, allow to simmer for twelve months and out comes the best time/stress sandwich you could ever hope to feast upon. At last count the number of unpaid, extra, hours I have bagged at my place of employ totals three weeks. Blimey, with 21 days of uninterrupted writing I could have finished 'the herrings' and cornered the weird/slightly uncomfortable comedy market.
But enough that, onward and upwards as pompous, upper class knobs like to say.
Many thanks for your response to my "Sir Terry" post. I really was gutted at his passing. But since we have our very own 'Savage Pratchet' here on the den, his style (unwittingly echoed by your talented self) shall live on.
As for the election, you were right, Mr Cushions. the herrings were secreting a few creative juices. However, I have been unable to absorb and act upon them because of said time constraints. having said that David Macaroon has enjoyed a few scribbled notes upon the back of work memos and wage slips. Though I call him David Car Moron, since he obviously a cap driver since we never see him........driving.
Blimey, this is the longest time I've spent on the den all year.
Merry Christmas, savage. I hope you and yours have an excellent one and enjoy a fantastic new year.
Forum: The Editor's Desk
Last post on thread was by Don Roble:
You are using the italics as thoughts. No punctuation is needed or correct.
How am I alive? This is correct.
Forum: Storyteller's Fire
Last post on thread was by hobie roberts:
hey so i got an idea for a short story series and i kinda need help with like cover designs and stuff. my idea is for it to be a zombie book, but like through the zombies eyes, ive been thinking about it for a while and finally got some ideas for the actual plot of it, if any one would like to help with it ill give you my Skype, mostly i really need some one who can draw zombies pretty good for a cover of it, ill be printing it at my sisters work and making like short story's, plus my local book store said if they like it they can start to maby promote it there, ill also have it online to.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Routh:
Found this on Google+ today. Its worth reading and putting into practice.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by mcglone:
Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.
I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.
So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!
I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.
Forum: The Editor's Desk
Last post on thread was by mcglone:
Because I started off here and have deep respect for this website, I am writing this here.
I have finished my book (finally) but I need an outside view to check if everything is up to scratch. This only just dawned on me when I set my book up on Amazon as a pre-order title.
So, if anyone is willing to help I'd be greatful and I will even give you a complimentary copy of the the final book!
I hope you guys don't mind me posting this here.
Forum: The Editor's Desk
Last post on thread was by Routh:
Heads up for those of you publishing to Amazon. Amazon is looking to change their pay model so you only get paid for pages read.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology...-read.html
Forum: Help and Support
Last post on thread was by Routh:
Hi,
The Den suffered a data loss in December. All writings and user accounts created after 2011 were lost.
Forum: Storyteller's Fire
Last post on thread was by Vollkrasser:
Hi,
I made a script/plot for new cases in the traditional style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle"™s stories of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. That script is the basis for a non-commercial online adventure game version.
The first previews of the game are"¦
...here in video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGY4thv8wG0
...here pics with the final lightning, scroll down in the forum, the last post on page 1 forum
...here is the first scene playable online (graphics there are just placeholdeers and will be replaced):
http://textadventures.co.uk/games/vie...n-of-sheba
The game ought to be in British English, best would be the old Victorian style of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I"™m not a native English speaker, and it would be a sacrilege to have even the slightest foreign accent for this. That would be German in my case, which is reserved for the villains already ;-)
So I"™m looking for a writer, who would like to take part in this project for free as I also do.
The workflow would be that he/she starts from my bad English script and writes a nice round story out of it that can then be the novel part of the adventure. Think of it as a bit like Dr. Watson did with the bare facts of Holmes: he made entertaining and exciting stories out of it. It would be similar with our cooperation for the adventure.
Best would be if the writer speaks a bit german, but it"™s not a must.
The final game will be free and online playable by everybody even without registration on the above platform.
The game is afoot!
If youre interested, just contact me via e-mail, which is described in 2 parts (to avoid-auto spam crawlers):
the first part is
reinarassa
the second part is
@googlemail.com
combine the two and you have the valid e-mail.
Best regards from germany/Bavaria!
Vollkrasser
Forum: The Editor's Desk
Last post on thread was by Routh:
This latest question should be posted into a new topic. Please use one thread per topic. Multiple topics in one thread is too difficult for people to follow and destroys a thread.
Forum: Bug Reports and Site Issues
Last post on thread was by Routh:
NovaCops writing has been fixed.
Thats all the reported work for now, please report any others.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Don Roble:
This sounds like you want to write this in the style of "The Seven Samurai's". You can find a short summary of it online. It tells about seven men who saw the same thing and told the story differently.
Forum: Storyteller's Fire
Last post on thread was by LawMatheson:
Quote
The Chronicles are 144,000 words long, and took me the better part of fifteen years to get right.
I can't seem to write anything of less than 5000 words, and they tend to get away from me.
Don't know why this is; I think I just get caught up in the story.
At the moment, a chapter will take me about two -three days, with re-reads, and re-writes.
I get what you mean when you say you get caught up in a story, for me, it's almost like 'The DOSCO Files' are writing themselves. I have One chapter posted here, but I have three books worth of material. I am just going back and smoothing things out. I am struggling with word count and pages in a chapter, so this post was helpful.
Forum: Storyteller's Fire
Last post on thread was by blue_veined_hatred:
I was busy doing the usual, laying back inside my cruiser and helping myself to more doughnuts every now and then, with an eye on the street. For most of the cops back at the station passing the night in a cruiser is something they would skip as often as they can manage. I was not most of the cops. Most of the cops do not have a marriage on the verge of dissolving into the most sour taste.
Rankton was as quite at that hour of the night. Quite enough for the rapidly approaching engine noise of a car revving up the road. I tossed back the half eaten doughnut into it's box and fumbled up to a feasible position.
I hardly recognized the brand of the car which fleetingly shot past the street but I clearly recognized the situation: a speeding case deep at night. This mght range from some adventure hungry delinquent to some high profile hit and run. Just at that moment, my radio cackled out:
"All units in the vicinity. A possible hit and run suspect has been seen going East found down Rosewood Boulevard. Suspect is driving a black Classic Ford Mustang. Requesting reports on visual."
"This is Z3005.I have a visual of a possible suspect. On pursuit."
I turned on the ignition and the on the lights, wailed the siren and zoomed out of the alley. Tonight is going to be a bumpy.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Rob Kosy:
It has been pointed out on a few occasions that summer is slow, and it's true.
I'm not getting a lot of time to visit at the moment either (though I wish it was because I was strolling & having fun outdoors, rather than being hemmed in at work; the holiday season, eh?).
kt, without disparaging Verm, Kerri & co I would say that you are the den's most consistent & revered critic. A 'good one' from yourself is an all day high. But the den without kt (at least in my time here) is akin to tea without water.
Looking forward to the resolution of your posting troubles.
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by tjwell01:
I agree e-publishing is tricky--I was just pointing out the cool feature about the site. Plus, I'm always on the look out for the new writing community.
Forum: Suggestions and Feature Requests
Last post on thread was by flickeringfairy:
I was wondering if it would be possible to not only search for type, but order them as well. In other words search "Poems" and then order from newest to oldest.
Just a thought,
FlickeringFairy
Forum: Poet's Corner
Last post on thread was by tjwell01:
Poetry becomes a different animal when read aloud. It takes shape and new meaning before your eyes. SAY IT!
Forum: General Discussion
Last post on thread was by Vermithrax:
A very warm (re)welcome from England, mister Bolger.
It's wonderful to hear from you, and great to know that you are back.
Forum: Poet's Corner
Last post on thread was by Routh:
The poet's Corner is a discussion forum for discussion techniques and methods with poems, it could be used for getting help with a particular rhyme, discussing poem styles, or your favourite author. It is not a posting area, so do not post poems here. The discussion forums are for just that, discussing.
Forum: Poet's Corner
Last post on thread was by LyraMidnight28:
This is a brilliant poem and think you have talent so continue to let it be recognised.
